Visiting a dying friend

I talked to her this morning. She was spending time with the new grandbaby, who is a beautiful little boy. She said there is a lump in her neck that is getting bigger, and the hospice nurse was worried that as it grew it might cut off her airway. Her blood pressure is very low. She is moving slowly, but still moving. And me? Well, I think I'm moving, too, toward acceptance of this terrible thing. I am sleeping better and getting ready to go to florida for my goddauaghter's college graduation. My heart device is working right now, after not doing so for some extensive period of time. My husband is feeling good. This acceptance I feel comes in good measure because I am able to unload here. I certainlythank you Izzie and all else who respond here. Hope all is well with you, xxxx

Hey Mags...

good to see you.

the lump... will they treat this in any way - what can they do to help her - would a tracheotomy help or would she rather no treatment was given?

Maybe everyone will move slowly towards acceptance - the giving her peace all around her before she has to leave. That's very important - that she goes to and rests in peace. So hard. Horribly hard to accept. As she weakens, she'll slow down more. Keep talking with her as much as she (and you) can - when she can't talk - maybe pop a little card in the mail to her - or send her a friendship teabag and arrange to have a cuppa tea together at the same time -so she knows you're there - depsite the distance.

How is her hubby doing? Maybe you could phone him up once in while too when your friend is sleeping - reassurance and affirmation that you both understand how one another feel. No-ones pain in more that anothers - it's all very real to all of you, whatever the degree.

So glad you are sleeping better - the O2 is making a difference a? So so pleased you are going to see Goddaughter - I'm certain you will inspire her as my Godmothers do for me. That will be a postive trip, a journey of "hope" seeing the younger generations excitement and will for life. It's what makes the circle go around. Suggestion: you know how you wrote your poem to your friend 20+ years ago - and how much it means to her..... maybe write something for your Goddaughters Graduation - something she will treasure her whole life.......... you know, kids look at things and don't think too much about them..... but as you grow up to my age (44) - those things mean so much - I have letters from my other Godmother who passed many years ago and all my Grannies' letters - I could never throw them away.

A few weeks/couple months back my 90 yr old Godmother had a hip operation - 2 days after turning 90. It went fantastically well - she had a slight arythmia during surgery - but the op went well. She's verra sick right now - been in and out of hospital - has a stricture in her oesophagus which they have managed to stretch but she kinda chokes.... gets very scared, can't eat... you know. She's poorly - but fighting on. Truly inspirational lady. Other Godmother will be 97 in June! Godmothers are chosen wisely. Your Goddaughter is blessed to have you watch over her.

What's happening with hubby's radiation/chemo decisions ???

Great place to unload here. Your journey and thoughts will help many people when they read about how you have felt and what you are doing to get through what is happening to your best friend - it's an honour for us to listen to you and that you trust us with your words and feelings. Thanku.

I'm doing good thanku. All is well right now. Circle here is strong - tho it spins a little every so often.

Take care Mags. Hugs and much love. x

When I asked her what they would do about the lump, she said she had no idea. But she didn't rule out some medical intervention, all other things being equal. I talked to her today, because we're leaving for Florida tomorrow morning and I just wanted to check in with her before we left. I told her I would call when we got home. I think she's going to make it to the other baby, who will be born next week!

Hubby is receiving hormone treatments and will return to the oncologist when we get back. He is feeling fine, no side effects.

My ejection fraction went from 35 to 45 in two weeks after they adjusted the pulse on the lead attached to the outside of my heart. Thanks goodness they discovered that before we went on this trip.

Take care, dear Izzie xxxoo

Oh , I forgot to tell you the dearest story about my friend and her dear family. The daughter that's expecting didn't want to know the sex of the child before it was born. So when she went for her last ultrasound, she had the technician write the sex on a piece of paper. She put this in an envelope and gave it to her mother for mother's day. The strength of this family is amazing, and so is their sweetness

Oh Mags... I hope you pick this up before you go. Wishing you a wonderful holiday and hoping you will be able to focus on you and hubby whilst you are there and that your friend will keep her strength up. Enjoy your time with Goddaughter - ENJOY MAGS........... ENJOY. Go make some wonderful memories with your goddaughter.

much much much love and hugs. x

I'm in the Amtrak station in chicago. We just got here. I got your message before we were too far into the trip. I caught my finger in a door on the train and nearly ripped my fingernail off as the train lurched. So, other than a bandaged, bleeding finger, I am beginning the trip in good shape. There is a woman here traveling alone to California with two toddlers on leashes. God bless her.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Mags - nasty train door!!!!! So glad you are on your way - have a relaxing time if you can <try not to sit too close to leashed toddlers > Will be thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful week ahead. xx

the broken finger turned out to be a compound fracture, but a splint, bandage, oral antibiotics, antibiotic ointment and a tetanus shot later and we were back on track. The graduation was wonderful and the goddaughter beautiful. We had three celebratory dinners with her and her family. It was a great, relaxing week, and we will be home early evening

oh my, good grief - nasty.... very painful!!!!!! oh poor you Mags - what a major nuisance value that was - but you coped admirably.

So glad all went well with Goddaughter and she shined. What a star!

So pleased you had a great week and relaxed too. Been thinking about you and yours - know things will start to weigh heavy as the weeks go by - but for now - enjoy how wonderful your time was with Goddaughter - the memories you made will stay with her always - what a special time in her life and for you to share with her. Blessed.

Know we're here if you wanna talk....

How's the sleeping going? O2 and all that.... and how's hubby holding up - he OK?

big huge hugs to you and yours xxxx

the second expected grandchild has arrived...a girl named Megan. My friend is in grandchild heaven she is so happy. Her oldest daughter called me this morning. She is putting together a memory board for her mother's funeral, and asked if she could include my poem in it. I said of course.. We talked a little about how this time is a journey for all of us, and she acknowledged my closeness with her mother as a sisterhood. It was a comforting talk.


Hubby is doing well..a few hot flashes, but otherwise ok. My sleeping is much, much better with the oxygen. The finger is beginning to heal, and, for the time being, all is right with the world.

Your friend is a strong lady Mags. She said she wanted to be around to welcome her grandchildren into the world.... and she did just that. Bless her. Wonderful for her, her children, the grandchildren. All is the way it should be, even when this timing is oh so difficult.

I hope the joy continues to keep her strength up - she'll maybe be getting a little tired now.




It seems as tho that circle is life is going around a? Mags. Babies being born, your friend and hubby accepting, daughter's accepting, your acceptance... maybe not harsh acceptance, gentle acceptance ..... acknowledgement of the journey.

How incredibly strong you all are and, personally, methinks this is the best thing you can do for your friend. It's a big difference between waiting for someone to die, and "assuring they live the rest of their life" whilst they are here - you've helped her "live" her life - not waited for her to die - she is a very blessed lady to have family and friends beside her.

Her oldest daughter's request to you - shows how important you are in her Mom's and their life. Be very proud of that Mags, making such a difference in another persons life. Friendship is a wonderful treasure.

Hope you are healing well hun - better soon - love to you x

Just talked to her husband...who had just belted down two scotches and was rather mellow. My friend was too weak to talk on the phone. They are getting a hospital bed for the first floor, because, even with help, she can't make it up the stairs anymore. The end is coming by inches, and I am sad.

Hey Mags - how you feeling today?

It is sad. It's gonna be sad.

I was talking to someone yesterday about my friend who died. It's been 18 months now - we weren't best friends, but he was a friend, a good, kind gentle man. It still makes me sad. So sad, I cry a lot when I think about him.

Try to remember all the good fun memories when you think of your friend and how you've grown together thru your lives - and how much you have shared together. Maybe try and talk to her when you can. Maybe her hubby could call you when she wakens - so you can speak. It may feel harder to speak to her - but maybe, it will make you feel less sad when you can hear her voice - knowing that she knows you are there for her - and she's still with you.





How is your finger now, feeling all better. Hope you are sleeping and hubby is doing alright - as well as he can be.

Hugging you Mags. x

Ju.at talked to her for 30 seconds or so today.. She called to tell me that she hasnt forgotten about me, even tho when I call often she cannot speak. She sai d she was weary, just weary

Ahhhhhhhh.... a gentle reminder - you're in her thoughts and with her in her heart. She's just letting you know she's maybe getting ready to go to sleep - and how kind of her to let you know personally, to talk to you no matter how tired - to be able to let you she's just a wee bit weary. She loves you Mags. Remember that, hold onto that.

hugs gal x

I just talked to her husband. Hospice is delivering a bed today and they will bring her downstairs for the last time. Her blood pressure is 80/50 and her pulse is 120. I am very sad, but hope this is over for her soon.

Hey ((((((Mags))))))

can feel your sadness love - so sorry. She'll let go of her body when she's ready - her spirit will stay with you all. x



Your sig line Mags... “What if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?”

That’s a great sig line " I read it every time and stick my left leg in automatically.

In the UK we say:

• You put your left leg in
• Your left leg out
• In, out, in, out,
• shake it all about.
• You do the Hokey Cokey and you turn around
• That's what it's all about...

On 'you do the Hokey Cokey' each participant joins his/her hands at the fingertips to make a chevron and rocks them from side to side.

Each instruction set would be followed by a chorus, which is entirely different from other parts of the world:

• Whoa, the hokey cokey,
• Whoa, the hokey cokey,
• Whoa, the hokey cokey,
• Knees bent, arms stretched, ra ra ra!

For this chorus all participants are stood in a circle and hold hands, on each "whoa" they all raise their joined hands in the air and run in toward the centre of the circle and on "the hokey cokey" they all run backwards out again. On the last line they bend knees then stretch arms, as indicated, and for "ra ra ra!" they either clap in time or raise arms above their heads and push upwards in time. Sometimes each subsequent verse and chorus is a little faster and louder, with the ultimate aim of making people chaotically run into each other in gleeful abandon.

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I bet you and your friend did a few hokey pokey’s in your time a? “The ultimate aim of making people chaotically run into each other in gleeful abandon”.... how lovely is that?

Remember all the good times Mags " if the hokey pokey is what it’s all about " I reckon that’s a good way to live and a good way to leave this world knowing that your friend was blessed to have you, her family and friends in her life. Love your sig line Mags.


Hope you have healed physically now and that hubby is doing OK.

Thinking of you. Here ... just here if you wanna talk. xxxx

You like my sig line huh? my old one was "It's all part of life's rich pageant,:" which is a quote from Ins pector Clouseau.
I talked to her husband yesterday. The bed arrived, and they were bringing her downstairs for the last time. The hospice nurse says she is on her last tank of fuel. Her blood pressure is 80/50 and her pulse is 122. She is going faster now.

I am sad, but ok. My doctor is sending me to a neurologist to see if I have parkinson's . I am showing some of the symptom. It's all part of life's rich pageant

yeah Mags - life's rich pageant - but it's not easy a? Along with the rich pageant - also something can come along to rain on the parade. It's scary too Mags - I understand that hun.

Your friend - I wish her peace and that her time will come of her choosing.



You ((((Mags)))) - I hope the diagnosis .... isn't what they may suspect. That doesn't sound quite right - saying it in black and white type.

It's hard keep a positive attitude with an unknown quantity. Whatever happens, tho it doesn't ease the anxieties, know that you have your friends and family's support - and you have somewhere here to say your feelings 'out loud' - and say whatever you wish, whenever you wish.

It isn't easy.

and life's not fair.

Sometimes just having a hissy fit out loud and shouting "It's not fair" can ease the having to keep it all in and be calm and collected. Sometimes ..... well, I do it all the time!

But it is what it is - and sometimes it's not easy to look on the bright side of life - good 'ole Monty Python. I know that feeling too well.

You will deal with it Mags - you'll find the strength to deal with it - you have love - and that will give you the power to deal with whatever comes at you.

I'm more than willing to throw a punch at the Parkinson's for you - but no amount of punching is gonna get rid of whatever we're dealt. So, keep faith in what you believe in - the power of family and love and friendship - and whatever happens over the coming weeks and months - believe that you have the strength to overcome the "richness-es" of said pageant.

When will you have your appointment with the neurologist?


Hugs Mags x

Her eldest daughter called today wanting photos of her and me. I had one that was a dandy....taken when we were about 35, dressed in our camp fire girl outfits. I can't put my hand on it. There is another classic...the two of us poolside, the temp is about 110, we have muumuus on and have hilarious grumpy faces while everyone else is having water fun. I can't, of course, put my hand on either pic. She is a bit better since she got over the sleeping pill she took that hospice gave her. I guess it nearly killed her. No more of those. She is able to sit on teh side of the bed. They installed a porta potty next to the bed so she doesn't have go far.. Her husband carried her to the bathroom the other night. Her daughter asked me how I was doing and I anwered not well. I mean that on so many levels.