4
   

Visiting a dying friend

 
 
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 Jul, 2009 11:37 am
Hi Mags,

Very sorry to hear that your friend's life has come to an end. Take good care of yourself and spend some time thinking about all the good memories you made together. I'm very sure she'd want to say this to you one more time:



In case the video doesn't show for others (it isn't for me) here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWuRjBTSGDE
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 Jul, 2009 04:49 pm
@mags314772,
I've been following along silently, too. Hugs & gentle thoughts at this time.
mags314772
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Jul, 2009 10:42 am
@Eva,
With the help of xanax, I was able to fly from Massachusetts to Kansas 'city yesterday.
This was a huge achieveent for me, since I am terrified of flying. The wake is tomorrow, and the funeral is Friday. I am pretty exhausted, so this will give me a day or two of rest before that.
0 Replies
 
eoe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Jul, 2009 12:04 pm
That is SOOOO great! I wondered if you'd find the courage to do it but knew you couldn't live with yourself if you didn't. Your friend is quite pleased, I'm sure.
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Jul, 2009 01:40 pm
Good for you! I knew you could do it! And now, when it's time to go home (or whenever it happens that you need to fly again), you can tell yourself, "It's no big deal. I've already proven I can do that." The spell is broken!

I think your friend would be proud of you. We are.

Go to the wake and tell everyone how she helped you get over your fear of flying.
mags314772
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Jul, 2009 03:57 pm
@Eva,
I had a dream about my friend this afternoon. She asked me before she died if I'd like her to come visit me. I said most assuredly. In the dream, I was in a museum or some sort of store that sold antique baby clothing. I kept running into her. she would talk to me, then evaporate. Before I left the store, a cup appeared in my hand. It was inscribed "take this...all is well." I'm convinced it was her, sending me a message. I was elated when I woke up, calm and elated.
mags314772
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Jul, 2009 10:45 am
@mags314772,
tonight is the wake, from 6-8. I will probably see people I haven't seen since high school. Makes me nervous. In about an hour, I'm going by my friend's house to see her husband and her kids. The funeral is tomorrow morning..
Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Jul, 2009 03:46 pm
@mags314772,
Hey Mags - wishing you strength right now. It's going to hard seeing everyone under these circumstances - so sorry. Hug your friends hubby - support each other as you can. You did well Mags - you got on the plane and got there. Now, you need to get thru the funeral as best you can. Remember why your friend asked you to read your poem. She was giving you power and wishing you be standing up there for her - such an honour for you to do this. She wished everyone to know you are her best friend.

Be proud of you - you will make your friend proud too tomorrow. She'll be right beside you Mags. Take your hubby's hand if you need help to walk up there - or just stand up and read your poem to her. Tallk as if you are talking to her.

With you in spirit hun. Much love to you x
0 Replies
 
eoe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Jul, 2009 04:58 pm
It doesn't have to be sad. When my brother passed away five years ago, his services brought out many of our old high school friends. I saw people I hadn't seen in over thirty years and I was so pleased that they thought enough of my brother (and our family) to attend that, it wasn't sad at all.

Everyone's different tho. This was just the way it affected me, is all.

Strength to you, Mags.
0 Replies
 
Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Fri 31 Jul, 2009 09:48 pm
@mags314772,
Thinking of you Mags x
mags314772
 
  3  
Reply Sat 1 Aug, 2009 12:22 pm
@Izzie,
well, it's over. She died on Tuesday, very peacefully. The wake was on thursday evening, and it was like a high school reunion for me. All these friends from years ago, It was laughter and tears. The new grandchildren are darling. Before the funeral yesterday morning, I took another xanax, then went to the chchurch. The oldest daughter did two readings and the son did one. My poem was after communion. I did it loudly and clearly, with expression. I know my friend was cheering me on. I am including it here:

Soul Sisters

My soul sister KB is a Catholic Druid,
and I am a random heretic.
Her God rises like sap in green things.
She takes the wafer at Mass,
but finds communion just as well
in the lanes of her herb garden.
I find my God in the soft eyes of friendly dogs,
in iris petals, in book pages marking chapters,
or hiding under the steaming lids of stewpots.
For KB, the trinity is as real as brick,
and as true as the songs her children sing
at play on the backyard swing.
Yet the God we share is alive,
and we find him in one another's faces,
and in our common history we can trace his thread.






on. I am including the poem here:







Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Aug, 2009 02:34 pm
@mags314772,
Mags...

Your friend would be so proud of you.

It’s been a long 10 months for you all Mags " probably now it may feel as tho the time went all too quickly " but girl, you made her last year count. That made such a difference to her quality of her life " being there for her " with just a few words of comfort when she was scared, and laughter when she needed it.

You gave her your love and strength when she needed it the most - the sign of true friendship. You got on an aeroplane, flew to her family and stood up tall, strong and with spirit. It was the greatest gift you could give her to wish her on her way.

Look at the stars - she'll be twinkling at you - along with those absent friends that we have all lost along the way.

Their spirit goes on.

Rest now Mags and give yourself time to grieve - the moments will come and go " sometimes you’re going to feel the huge sadness and other times you will hear...

"The food in this restaurant is terrible." ..."and the portions are so small." and quietly chuckle to yourself as you remember the special times you shared.

Your poem says it all " you loved your soul sister.

Rest now hun. Much love, Iz xxxx
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Aug, 2009 02:46 pm
@mags314772,
What a wonderful tribute!

Soul Sisters

My soul sister KB is a Catholic Druid,
and I am a random heretic.
Her God rises like sap in green things.
She takes the wafer at Mass,
but finds communion just as well
in the lanes of her herb garden.
I find my God in the soft eyes of friendly dogs,
in iris petals, in book pages marking chapters,
or hiding under the steaming lids of stewpots.
For KB, the trinity is as real as brick,
and as true as the songs her children sing
at play on the backyard swing.
Yet the God we share is alive,
and we find him in one another's faces,
and in our common history we can trace his thread.

jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Aug, 2009 05:38 pm
@JPB,
How perfect.
mags314772
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Aug, 2009 03:41 pm
@jespah,
Mostly just resting, recouping and sometimes grieving. The black cloud that has been hanging over my life for the last two years is gone, and I know my friend is at peace. She will always be a part of me, an unforgettable friend. We were like Ethel and Lucy, laughing until we peed our pants.
Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Aug, 2009 03:53 pm
@mags314772,
Yep Mags, me and FQ laugh til we pee our pants. Our catchphrase is "pass the incontinence pad please".

Rest up when you can and just be gentle with yourself. She will always be with you. She is.

Have you managed to sleep some? Hows the O2 going?

x
mags314772
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Aug, 2009 04:37 pm
@Izzie,
I am sleeping more. The Oxygen really helps. I called the neurologist again today, since I had never heard from her. The office said they never received my file, so I will call my primary care physician and start all over again. In the meantime, a fancy cane is helping my balance and my left arm is shaking away.
Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Aug, 2009 03:23 pm
@mags314772,
Hey Mags

How're you doing hun? Any luck with an appointment with the neuro yet?

Just hoping that you managing your grief. Thinking about you and sending you love and gentle hugs. x
mags314772
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Aug, 2009 03:42 pm
@Izzie,
I have an appointment with the neurologist tomorrow! Let's hope it doesn't take another forever before I'm diagnosed. I'm doing welll..sleeping better. My friend's husband is doing well, too. I just talked to him today.
Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Aug, 2009 04:08 pm
@mags314772,
Oh that's good news on the appointment - let's hope they can get your dx soon and hope they can find something to help you.

Glad you are doing as well as can be expected about your friend - that's good too, and that you've spoken to her hubby.

Be gentle to yourself Mags. Take care and let us know how you get on tomorrow. xx
 

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