Visiting a dying friend

Oh Mags - it's frustrating as heck with the workings of the body not working as they should. Ex-hub had sleep apnoea and used a CPAP - we were talking a while back on the Aging and Elder thread about CPAP's so you may be able to get some info there about it. Tho the CPAP is a nuisance value - it can make a whole world of difference to the sleeping and energy levels during the day. So sorry you are going through that as well right now. With the events of what's going on with your friend - you'll be realising your mortality too - it's hard. It's hard to be brave too all the time. With your friends, you don't need to be brave. You can be honest with them.

Loosened tongues - well, there are times when saying what's in your heart is a good thing - your friend will understand. She'll have fears too and she knows she can talk with you. That's what your friendship is about.

Fear of the unknown - and anticipation of what's to come is the worst. Try to remember that peace will come - keep talking with her when you can, tell her you love her and she'll know you are there for her when the time comes to find her peace.

Thinking of you. Hugging you big. x

Thanks, Izzie. Your continued support is a comfort to me. You are such a good perso.

Hey Mags - how're you feeling? Has the O2 made a difference at nite - sleeping any better?

x

The oxygen is making a difference in quality and quantity of sleep. I found out that the company we're renting from also has portable units for travel. Hubbie and I are taking the train to visit friends in Colorado in April.

Oooooooooooh.... Colorado..... luverly. I was gonna go there last summer but ended up in Arkansas instead - which was fab - one day I will go to Rocky Mountain National Park. I will!............ I WILL!

Getting better sleep makes the world of difference doesn't it - even if it's every other nite - it just helps you think clearer. Can completely change the way you think and feel - and tho the problems are the same - if you can just sleep - well....... just so pleased it's made a difference for you. Excellent.

I talked to my friend again today. I try to call her every other day. Today I told her how much I would miss her. She said she wondered what heaven would be like....she wanted it to be much like earth. She said it was rainy outside and she would miss that. She would miss all the random memories we share. I have thought about seeking some grief counseling, but I don't know. It makes my stomach ache every time I think that one day soon I won't be able to call and have her answer the phone.

Hey Mags...

just.... hugging you.

keep talking with her - for as long as she's able. You'll keep your memories - you'll keep her in your heart, maybe write her a letter.

so sorry for your pain - there is no easy way thru this part of the journey. Just know that when the time comes, your friend will be at peace and suffer no more pain. ((mags)) x

She has now outlived the doctor's predictions. She may make it for both grandchildren. Though she is frail, her voice is strong. I am grateful for this time, and for the chance to talk to her every other day.

Another thing is going on. My husband, who had prostate cancer years ago, has a rising PSA, when he shouldn't have any at all. They have already tried radiation, to no avail. There is cancer somwhere in his body, but they can't find it. They have tried bone scans, brain scans, MRA, CAT scans...nothing. And yet there is that rising PSA. Today he got a referral to another oncologist, and I think they may try chemo. It is another constant worry for me.

Oh, dear. (hugs)

thanks, osso...I need every hug.

Oh Mags.... good (in the nicest way but sad still) that a little more time for your friend to maybe spend with family, new family and friends. Her indomintable strength witll hopefully will her to beable to see those granskids. I hope with everything available with the powers that be (medical or religion) that she'll get to see the bewborn?grandchildren.

Bad... terrible news for you about hubby. When is the appointment due for the new oncologist? New eyes to look at the scans etc. Keep believing in what you have faith in, whatever that may be, the power of strength. Push the oncologist for a speedy appointment. Write down the questions and fears and what they will and can do immediately. have has much info to have re the secondary Big C and what they can, will and must do to locate it. I know that can be verry difficult in some circumstances.

Another lady on A2K is going thru chemo right now and it is hard. If you've watched this before - then this time you know what to expect if it happens and what the side effects are.... and that tho it can and undoubetdly is miserable and nauseating (to say a few of the side effects) ... it is possible to that it can work. It is scary, worrisome... horrible for hubby and you to go through as well as watching and knowing what is happening to your friend. Sometimes I think in life, what more can be thrown at people..... but it does keep coming- and eventually - some kind of normal comes back into force.

Talk all you need to - even if you wanna have a good 'ole rant - or just need someone on the outside to listen to your inside.

Hugs..... many many hugs and a cuppa earl grey tea (caffeine free if required) cyberlly coming your way.

Strength hun, to you and yours.

How are your O2 readings? and sleep? Will you still be able to make your trip to Colorado - I hope so. Every moment is precious. We just dont know the future holds. Hope you feel better physically tho I do understand the mental pain is often most worst.

Another hug.... coz.... that's what I do.

Love too... to you and yours. xx

Your message picks up my spirits, Izzie. I think you may be channeling Noddy. That would be wonderful, wouldnt it?

I am sleeping and napping better and with more refreshment now that I have the oxygen. I have an appointment with the sleep disorders doc on the 12th.

Hubby's prostate doc says the chemo for prostate cancer isn't as insidious as other types of chemo. No hair loss, for example. That would be good, since hubby has a full beard and a great head of hair. I've never seen him without it.

Thanks again, and hugs back
Love
Mags

Hey Mags - how are you girl?

How's hubby coping at the moment with the thought of chemo. Good to hear the chemo won't cause those side effects but still......

How's your friend doing?


In as much as I wish April to roll forward for you so you can visit Colorado - it doesn't seem fitting to wish the days away .... so..... hope all goes well on the 12th - keep us posted - and... take care Mags. Hugs x

Hoping all goes well at the sleep clinic tomorrow. So pleased the O2 is making sleep more peacful. Thinking of you - take care.

Colorado is sounding beautiful right now. x

The first of the two babies arrived tonight. My friend was in the delivery room with her daughter, and she called me from the hospital, sounding strong and very excited. She said, Now I have to make it for Jenny," I was so happy for her!

I went to the sleep disorder doctor today. He said that with my heart failure it is imperative that I sleep well. So I am having a cpap titration test next Wednesday night. He also said that once I get going on that machine he will give me anyting I need to sleep. After having a sleeping disorder for most of my life, it will be a luxury to get a good night's sleep.

Mags - it's amazing the power of positive thought - your friend is strong and courageous - she's made it to see her grandkidlet arrive and to be in the delivery room for that breathtaking moment - truly a blessing - here's to her strength to see Jenny's baby arrive. Be so very happy for her - you sound wonderful, can hear the smile in your voice - and go with her courage and hope - it's that which is keeping her alive.... "living", not waiting to die. As the cliche goes.... it's not the amount of breaths you take, it's the number of moments that take your breath away.... something like that ... you know. (I believe in that).

So pleased for you all.


Yay for a good nights sleep on Wednesday - make sure you dream sweetly

My friend is in pain now. Not on the morphine yet, but on another narcotic. I talked to her today. She is sleeping more and more.
On another note, I fell outside a restaurant on
tuesday and broke my elbow. Its not a displaced break, so no surgery or cast or even a sling. Just restrictions on what I can and can't do. So embarasing. I fell amid the sidewalk diners, who rushed to help me. One was a doctor. Such is life. I hope you are okay. X

Mags, my friend.... tough times ahead... not sure what to say so I'm putting an image here for you to look at.... which is to give you hope for strength and peace for your friend... I hope it makse sense...





Mags - I'm not sure if you have or what your beliefs are.... I'm not so sure on my own either...more Noddy inclined these days - miss her

so..............


I had to think.... what would I wish to say - believing or not believing, taking it back to nature - last weekend my best friend whom is truly my second self looked at me and recited the Serenity Prayer to me - her eyes didn't leave mine - and when i looked back she know I was so close to finding "my serenity"... acceptance...


so...


I read these out loud for you and your friend tonite - maybe you will hear therm as I read them to you again.

Fly...
Stand upon the mountain
Raise your wings up high
Cast aside the chains of fear
Trust and you will fly

Rejoice now in the knowledge
Returned to you this day
You've always had the power
To simply fly away

So dance with me this evening
Above the lands below
The clouds provide our dance floor
Neath the light of those we know

The earth provides the music
To set your spirit free
You only need to trust yourself
Fly! And you will see

(Anon)


Find peace girl, through yours and your friends pain. Focus on the being "pain free" - focus on there is still more life to come, do not lose your hope for another day, a week, until it's time for her to fly - her time will come of her choosing I believe - your serenity will maybe come if you can look her in the eyes and without a word, let her know you'll be ready to help her thru that and you will find some peace for yourself, which really help her to let go when the time is right.


Time to Hear the Calling
close your eyes and go to sleep
there is no need for you to weep
your journey now has come to end
others now, your flock will tend

strength's not just in living
or standing through the pain
it's also in the letting go
accepting life's refrain

a lullaby of sadness
a tearful psalm or prayer
a final thought and witness
from friends and family there

know that in this moment
you're surrounded by our love
it's time to hear the calling
from God in heaven above
(anon)


I guess tonite I am being very personal, projecting to a point... hope you don't mind.

Tired tonite Mags, scuse the typos. You will find a way to help and you a great deal - you have a big heart to share with her. I think you may have the strength to be calm and collected as needs be....don't stop being you tho - the you she knows.




So terribly sorry about your elbow. Nuisance value with a pain tag on the end. How did you sleep go at the hospital? When is Colorado hun????

Hugs to you girl (hope you don't mind me being personal ) do ignore me if this all sounds so wrong - have my reflective head on tonite, verra late here and I need to go bed- am a mind of jumbalaya

All love and best wishes. Hugs to you gal. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My friend reports more tumors and worries about her husband getting tired of all this. I appreciate your sentiments about death and loved the poem. My friend is a practicing Catholic; I am more a Noddy sort myself, although I was raised Catholic and am a dreaded "fallen away" sort.
the Trip to Colorado has been cancelled for health reasons; my physician said he could not guarantee my safety at that altitude. My oxygen levels plummet at night, and even with supplementary oxygen, he deemed it unsafe. So we're looking forward to a train trip to Florida in May to see my goddaughter graduate from college. No altitude problems there.

I do so appreciate your continued support, Izzy; I send hugs to you. I know you have problems in your life, too; I've picked it up from other threads. You are a brave and true soul.