Visiting a dying friend

I talked to my friend today and she sounded great, just like her old self. This lifted my mood beyond belief, and made me realize how sadness has taken me over of late. I felt all that lift and found I had more energy and a sense of peace. I know her feeling better is a temporary thing, but it still cheered me.

Hold on to the good moments mags - laugh with her when you can - treasured moments.

Hugs for you and yours. xox

Hey mags

How is your friend and her family?

How are you?

Her husband fell from the top of their camper, broke four ribs and wound up in the hospital for a week. This took a toll on my friend. One of her daughters was with her. On a brighter note, two of her three daughters are pregnant with grandchildren, and she says she's determined to hang in there until they are born.

And thanks for asking, izzie. It means a lot.

Oh gosh mags... poor friends hubby - he'll take a lot of recovering and having to take it easy with broken ribs... poor chap. Is there someone who is helping your friend if hubby needs to rest-up for a while? Wonderful news about the expected grandchildren - I know, a little bitter sweet - but from the sounds of it - she is taking all the sweeteners she can right now. Positive mind plays a huge part as well with what she is having to come to terms with.

She's not ready to give up yet - a true fighter. Bless her.

You keep strong too mags and talk with us whenever you need to.

Take care hunni. x

Hope you are doing alright Mags and that you and yours will enjoy your Thanksgiving. All good wishes to you and to your friend and her family. x

thanks, Izzie. I hope your thanksgiving was good. My friend found out that another of her daughters is pregnant. She's hoping she'll be around for both arrivals, but she doubts it. She has made her peace with dying and that it will be within the next few months. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with friends. I will be going to visit my friend after christmas. Don't want to intrude on her last christmas with her wonderful family. You are so thoughtful to think of me.

Hey there Mags - I'm glad you had a great Thanksgiving. Another bittersweet pill for your friend, but lovely news that another daughter is pregnant. How is her hubby after his fall?

I'm sure they will make this Christmas very special and will give their children wonderful memories to hold on to - it will be difficult for them all but if your friend has found peace for what it is front of her, and can celebrate her life with friends and family in the time she has left, then it will also be easier for her family. She has to live each and every day to the best she can now - and make the precious moments count midst the pain they must undoubtedly feel.

I'm glad for you too that you will be able to see her after Christmas - I'm sure she wouldn't ever feel you were intruding.... but I completely understand what you are saying.

Take care Mags x

(oh... I'm a Brit so we don't celebrate Thanksgiving per se - tho my BigBoy was born in the US - most of my friends are in the US too so I celebrate with them in a virtual world and a different timezone. )

Her husband is still sleeping sitting up in a chair...too painful to get in and out of bed. I am rather an Anglophile...I have two dear friends in England with whom I email regularly. Aren't computers wonderful? You don't have Thanksgiving, and we don't have Boxing Day. I guess it evens out, doesn't it? Had lunch with my lovely 22 year old goddaughter today, and that puts me right with the world for weeks. She's in town from college in Florida until tomorrow. Hope all is well with you, Izzie, and thanks for keeping in touch.

Oh Mags - I had dinner with my Godmother a few weeks back - she's 96 and makes my world a brighter place - Godmothers do that, they're our Guardian Angels. I bet your Goddaughter feels the same. My best friend is my sons Godmother - she's a blessing in all our lives.

So pleased all is good with you.

Healing thoughts for friend's hubby - broken ribs can't be seen but they hurt soooooooooo bad. Hope he will recover soon. Must be hard for him not to be able to do the things he wishes to....... but....... it will give him time at home to just take some quiet time with his wife. Unknown reasons that some things may happen at the time they do, maybe... beyond our comprehension and all that...

Pleasure talking with you Mags - computers make the world a smaller place - so many people to meet and friendships to discover. It's a wonderful thing.

Take very good care. Gentle hugs to you and yours. x

I think because my friend and I are so close, she has chosen me to be the one to gripe to about all the people who are clamoring to come and see her. She is so tired and talking just wears her out. I feel hesitant to go visit her again. I know I am the chosen friend, but this is a dubious honor that she feels comfortable enough to gripe to me. She says she shouldn't complain and that it's not nice, and I tell her that no one has earned the right to gripe more than she has.

Ah Mags... it's an honour she is bestowing on you... tho it comes with heartache for you. She can tell you how she feels and what she thinks, and all those things she can't say to anyone else, probably not even her hubby. You'll listen and feel the "helplessness" of the situation, because, as a friend, you'll want to make it better, make it right - but, you won't be able to fix anything for her. Trusting you tho, shows the strength of your friendship... and you were chosen for a reason. Just hold her hand when she reaches out and listen - and the more you can "hear" from her heart, the easier if will be for her to let go of the pain inside her, mental pain, not physical.

Sometimes.... often, it's much harder for the friends and family who have to sit, watch and wait for the inevitable. Being a sounding board, wrapped up in friendship, is the most you can do for her - and when you leave and say goodbye, take all her words and fears, annoyances and frustrations and throw them out into the wind. Don't wear them for her - she'll give them to you so no-one else has to know what she's thinking, and she'll trust you to let go of them when you leave. I know you can do that for her, I know you'll be strong.

Does that make sense? Maybe?

That is what I would think - just my feelings tho.

Take care Mags. x

Hey Mags...

Wishing you a peaceful, happy and healthy 2009. With love. x

HappyNew Year to you, Izzie. I've been thinking of Noddy and how much we all cared for her. My friend went to hobby lobby to get materials to make Christmas stockings for the unborn grandchildren. That's keeping her going.

Hey Mags.... how's it going with your friend and her hubby (is he all fixed up now). Did you manage to make a visit yet.

Are you ok love?

Hugs to you and hope that you are well. x

We are leaving in a couple of days to go visit my friend. She is hanging on for the babies. There will be a baby shower for one of her daughters while I'm there. She accompanied the other daughter to her first sonogram the other day. I am still sad, but she is ready to go when the time comes. I have had cataracts removed from both eyes in the last month and am without glasses now. IT's great. Thank you for your continued kindness, Izzie.

Well. our visit was completed and it was a tough one. My friend has now lost 80 pounds and is very fragile. Every time I am with her, I think it will be the last. It makes my heart ache so badly. I did have a few minutes alone with her, and I told her she had been the best friend anyone could ever have. She replied, "Ditto." What more can you say. I feel so bad for her husband of 45 years. He already looks kind of lost.

Hey Mags..........

So hard for you to see and to come to terms with. For her, knowing she has you, is a great blessing for her. The most you can do for her hubby is to just be there for him when he needs your support - in so doing - you'll still be being the best friend that she knows.

So, so hard...

My friend lost her hubby a year ago - she struggles every day. Sometimes, being the one "left" - well, it's just so hard to make headway.

Make the most of the time you still have with your friend, phonecalls, letters - albeit from a distance - but........ distance isn't relevant with friendship.... celebrate the joys to come with the pregnancies and remain as positive as you can. Deal with whatever happens later.... when that time comes. You've already started the grieving process - which sounds so awful - but it's the way it is, whether it's conscious or not..... thing is, the inevitable happens and when it comes, then it may be a blessing (I hope that comes across as I'm thinking it, not the way it sounds)..... pain free and at peace.

She's very fortunate to have a friend like you - that, and love, is the greatest gift - and you'll keep it treasured, even when the time comes to say goodbye.

Take care Mags...

x




<so pleased about your eyes being sorted... just at the right time>

I have been having dreams about my friend dying. ;I talked to her today and told her I was having a hard time. As death comes closer,our tongues are loosened and our feelings laid bare.

I had a week of medical things that made me feel old. It began last Friday withthe cardiologist. My ejection fraction ( the strength with which my heart pumps blood}, dropped from 46 to 35. On Monday, I spent the night at a sleep disorders clinic. Result: I need oxygen at night andhave sleep apnea. On Tuesday oxygen was delivered. On Wednesday, I went tomy internist and on Thursday to the dentist. I'm about doctored out.