98
   

A good cry on the train

 
 
Bohne
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 05:31 am
@Joe Nation,
You are probably aware that petty or mean would not make anything easier.
My thoughts, my heart and my best wishes are flying your way!
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 06:21 am
@Joe Nation,
Glad you're eating, Joe.

Yeah, when I read the "keeping the keys" part my stomach did this contracting thing. What, so you have to constantly be on the alert for whether this might be an emergency and might be the time she just comes gallivanting in? Eek, stressful. What emergency would it be, anyway?

Good decision to ask for the keys.
0 Replies
 
caribou
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 06:27 am
@Bohne,
Yeah, I'm sure he knows..... But that doesn't stop anyone from thinking about it and get a small bit of satisfaction just from the thinking.


Glad you got the keys. And that you're eating.
(hug)
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 07:20 am
Oh Joe.....I am so sorry.

You are kind to let both cats go.

Kitten time???



(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Joe(he'sdabest)Nation))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 07:28 am
I'm reading along, but don't have much to add beyond my first post.

Well, except "don't get a cat yet."

Rushing into a new relationship would be a mistake....
eoe
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 08:29 am
@DrewDad,
I wholeheartedly agree with DrewDad. No pets. Not yet.
Joe, give yourself a few minutes to feel at ease with being alone. You've been down this road before. You know that it won't kill you. (Altho' it does hurt like all hell.)
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 11:18 am
Joe! You liar! I KNEW you weren't eating!!!
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 11:23 am
No advice, Joe, but want you to know that I'm keeping you company along with the others.
0 Replies
 
High Seas
 
  3  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 12:02 pm
@Joe Nation,
Joe - your new book idea is wonderful >

"...........My new book idea is "Super Fantastic Weight Loss Through Severe Emotional Distress: a Primer".........".>

though it might, conceivably, be improved by illustrations from a theatrical play in Edinburgh's Fringe Festival>
http://media.economist.com/images/columns/2008w34/OnceAndFor-All.jpg
> entitled: “Once and for All We’re Gonna Tell You Who We Are So Shut Up and Listen”

You could always invite the cast of that one to stay at your place for a few days - no way you could feel lonely or down with all this racket going on - and McTag could vet them before they get on the plane. Probably better than new cats......
McTag
 
  4  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 01:26 pm
@High Seas,

I'll vet that lot, yes sirree......
Eva
 
  3  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 03:55 pm
@McTag,
I bet you would!

devriesj
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 04:19 pm
@Eva,
Joe ( you're a good man) Nation, I'm here reading your story and wishing the pain away. I'm going through a bit of something myself and could contribute to the weight loss book! Hugs from Michigan. Take it one day, hour, second at a time, friend. This to (eventually) will pass. I promise.
0 Replies
 
margo
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 09:02 pm
always a good time to start a relationship with a new cat!
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  7  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 10:03 pm
Normal
We talked today at noontime.
She sounded normal.
I sounded normal.
She was tired but fine.
I was fine.

The cats, she replied to my question, had stayed in the carriers until after midnight when she had finally gotten to sleep. They were out when she got up this morning but she hadn't seen either one yet.

Well, their world's exploded, changed into shapes they don't recognize, I wanted to say, they have no clues to this new place and time in space. Nothing they see or feel looks or feels normal.

I know what they are going through.


Ruby, poor wild thing, she had never been out of the apartment unless you count standing three feet into the hallway while waiting for the elevator (and dinner) to arrive. She would just sneak out a little and then listen for the arriving car. As soon as the elevator reached our floor she would dash inside to the safety of the sofa back.

L said something again about how easy I had made her capture and I retold the story of trying the fish treats and then the chicken as rewards and L laughed ..... and I had to stop talking for a moment because we sounded so normal.

It's not really normal to be talking to the one person you thought you were going to live with until you died, that, of the few, rare, sure, true things that exist in the world, that one thing was one of the surest and truest.... and now you are talking like everything is normal while your brain is swimming and your heart is breaking and your soul's light has gone out.

L used to beam when I sang "Our love is here to stay."
Such a bright belief, how did it's light go out?

I think L is picturing a future where we are sitting together at a party years from now and relating to people about how we used to be married but that now we are such good friends. The brain begins to drown.

I said I had to go. We said "talk to you later"s and I pressed the END button.
I took a deep breath and wept for just a moment then I remembered I had forgotten about the trash. She had left a big pile of stuff with a note that said "Garbage" It was still there since Monday.

I called her back.

She was coming over tonight, while I would be at a meeting, to get her frozen food and drop off her keys and I didn't want her to think....she answered.
"The trash is still there because I'm out of trash bags." I said "It's not some sort of signal."

Where was normal now?

"I didn't know what to do with that box." She said.
Someone had given her a beautiful storage box. It was big, more than a 18 inches square and filled with compartments of various sizes but, to hold what? "I could never figure out what to keep in it." this from a person whose life and living revolves around figuring stuff out.

"Some things can't be figured, " I said"

I got home about ten.
The frozen food is gone.
Her keys were laying on my desk.
The box is still on the pile to go out in the morning.

One more thing: I put my ring back on. My hand went a little crazy today looking for it and I'm not ready to tell everyone just what the situation is. So I put my ring back on, just for the cover and the comfort of it.

Joe(Not for a year, but ever and a day)Nation
caribou
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 10:11 pm
@Joe Nation,
oh, joe.


Sometimes you can't be friends.
Not real friends.
And it just not worth the pretending.

(((((((((((((joe(bigheart)Nation)))))))))))))
0 Replies
 
Rockhead
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 10:13 pm
@Joe Nation,
G'nite Joe, and a man hug...

(I'd like to say it gets easier, but that part is still a distance away)

RH
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 10:14 pm
@Joe Nation,
Just saying, I wish you comfort.
0 Replies
 
Ticomaya
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 10:17 pm
@Rockhead,
But that part does come, Joe. Hang in there.
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 11:31 pm
@Joe Nation,
I had a big mug of exceptionally good hot chocolate tonight and thought of you, Joe, sitting in your place alone without even a cat. You need some of this stuff. That does it, I'm sending you some tomorrow.

It's okay to wear the ring a little longer if it makes you feel better. And remember, you don't have to tell anybody anything until you feel like it. You don't owe anybody an explanation about anything.

One thing you do need to know, though. Even though you won't hear it from the person you'd most like to hear it from...You ARE Loved. Have no doubt about that.
0 Replies
 
Izzie
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 11:34 pm
@Joe Nation,
Hey Joe (normal is easier sometimes than not normal) Nation

Sometimes, when you wake up and for a moment think that everything is OK, just normal, and the skies are blue.... then you realise suddenly - it's not, and it will never be the normal you knew before....

sometimes it is easier just to pretend and think it's normal coz it's the only way to get through the day. It's easier not to think how your world has turned upside down, it's easier to put on a smile - do an Eleanor Rigby and keep your face by the door, putting it on for the rest of the world to see, and taking it off when you're on own time...

wearing your ring.... keep wearing it for a while - the wound in your heart is so raw right now - keep wearing your ring for a while, 'til it feels right to take it off and so your finger isn't raw too. You'll know when to take it off. You don't need to take it off right now hun.

As time moves on, probably in slow motion for a while, but as it moves on - sometimes, when you wake up, for a moment you'll think that everything is OK, just normal, and the skies are blue.... and actually, it will be - it will feel a little more normal - but it takes time. Don't rush your feelings of what you should feel like or what is expected of you - just feel whatever you're feeling and go with it.

I do believe people can be friends when they break up... but there has to be a time of not being friends.... you have to do whatever is right for YOU and only YOU - when the anger kicks in - your life takes on a whole new dimension - you "change", it can be good change or not so good change depending on whom you're with - the good times seem a far cry away - but the good times will come again - they really will - they will just be in a different way, in a changed world.

Sleep when you can, not when you are supposed to.... sleep is so important - it doesn't come easy tho. Eating is even harder. But you will do both - you will get thru - and you have a whole world, albeit virtual, pulling for you right now - take what you need and do only what is good for you for you to feel some "normal" in your life. Take every comfort you can - no matter how small. Think of you.

Hugs to you. x

0 Replies
 
 

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