A good cry on the train

cool.....so long as you figure you and women out by your last breath you are golden.

proposed intro to shrink: I very much want to figure out why my relationships keep failing and why I dont usually get what I want. do you know what you want? do your exes?

knowing the answer to "who am I and what do I want?" is the entry requirement to relationship.... then you need to also communicate and stand up for yourself.

what?

this is the second major relationship in only 4.5 years to go tits up leaving Joe confused...it is time to launch an investigation!

So, a hyena wonders about data from others.

i care for Joe as I care for all the brothers and sisters of the collective, what I am trying to do is snap him out of his self harming ignorance.

You can only do that, if you truly know the complete picture, facts, in - fact.

What if, both of those women, were women he saved so to speak, but they were not ready to accept....

In-other-words, maybe they need to snap out of it, and he's alright.

Just saying Hawk.

You're an inspiration re sharing.

Depression is not necessarily not feeling......it's feeling more despair than some, including I, think is warranted. When I'm not depressed, that is.

Thing is, despair is there , and amply reinforced....but what earthly good is it?

Carpe diem and wring the joy from the fruit of the tree of the garden of Eden. Beats the crap out of the unexamined life,


(((((((((((((((((((((((Joe))))))))))))))))))))))

Good Morning, Rabbit:
That's just what I was writing about in my journal. My emotions, which I attempt to calm down, seem always to be bubbling up some place new. (I just teared up at an OREO commercial.)
I am getting tired of the swings (I wonder if she will reply, I never want to hear from her again, I wonder if she read the tone of my note as I meant it, I don't care how she read it~ I wanted to say what I said, without apology and I did.)
gah.
You know, I know, a year from now someone will ask about her and I won't have a clue what's happening in her life.

Joe(on we go)Nation

EVERYONE tears up at OREO commercials.

It's that soft icing ..it's so...vulnerable.

Well, that's a relief.


Joe(pass the milk)Nation

PS They have taken the rain out of the forecast for Thursday.

Ah....the swings.....just gotta accept the bastids, as well you know. Sigh.....ain't no way out but through. The roundabouts are just the same.

Doesn't matter how often you do it, it still sucks the woist.

At least you know there's another side to get to.....wish we could make it quicker and easier for you to slog through the muck to get there.

Funny, but my experiences with depression haven't been so much mood swings as a general, debilitating feeling of hopelessness. I overthink things something terrible, then my mind starts going in circles and I spiral downward. But as you said, it's a long slog through the muck to get back to solid ground.

Laughing helps. A lot. We will laugh next week, I promise!

Indeed.

Joe( )Nation

especially if they spill the ******* milk...

I remember when I first realized that depression is what was going on with me. Your words to me Joe were to get up and run... just run until I hurt, then run until my chest felt like it was going to explode... to pause, then do it again.

I did that.
I helped for a bit, but then I realized it was bigger than a run.
I have made many life changes in order to combat it and so far .. I win.

Now you need to.
Diet.. of course is number one. Habit breaking is number two... and that one is the hardest.
One one note and one note only Hawk was right. You need to know who you are, and what you require before entering another relationship. Maybe handing them your sobriety chip from the addiction of depression would be a great key. It is part of you , so make it known and accept those who will help you with it, and not run from it. Im wiling to bet, if C knew before hand what she was getting into, things would not have gotten to the point they did. She would have grabbed that aspect of you with the same passion that she grabs life and directed you AND it together, instead of seeing it create another entity entirely.

It is pretty hard to know who you are and what you want when you are suffering through depression, but Joes issues are larger. ...we know this because he suffered over 20 years of a passionless nearly empty marriage before that ended. Is depression the result of decades of poor choices and lack of self awareness? Maybe not but likely this is so. It is never too late to get this right so long as we are breathing, but it is time to get moving.

Yeah, shewolfnm (when are you coming back to the city?) you are absolutely right.
The running is back. I did my five miles today as if I had never been injured. (whew) But not I'm really going to work on this head of mine. About three miles out today, I started making a list of what I want to talk about with the therapist. He is going to earn his money.

I think the bet you mention would have been a winner, but it's so much more complicated than that, I start to say, and then decide, no, maybe it's just that simple.

It is bigger than a run, I can (when I am healthy) run from dawn to dusk, but come home with some kind of nagging feeling that I'm not doing enough for someone else.

Joe(things are better today)Nation