103
   

A good cry on the train

 
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 07:32 pm
@farmerman,
Let's hear for the dumpees recovering faster.

Joe(but not so fast that they can't get a few pithy paragraphs of angst written out)Nation
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 07:34 pm
@caribou,
Thank you Caribou.

Spendius, you are thisclose to being ignored.

Joe(and I am not a button pusher.)Nation
Joe Nation
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 07:44 pm
@msolga,
Quote:
And to have spent such an evening with such good friends you met on an internet forum! That really is extraordinary!

'tis.

Joe(I was thinking the same thing on the train home last night.)Nation
margo
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 08:07 pm
holding for Joe, here!
0 Replies
 
soozoo
 
  3  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 08:08 pm
@Joe Nation,
Glad you had a nice time last night and good thoughts while you were on the train. I was afraid this thread was going to be "derailed." Looks like it's back on track.
0 Replies
 
Thomas
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 08:17 pm
@msolga,
Joe Nation wrote:
Thomas and I will be running in the same half marathon next month in Queens. Right, Thomas?

You must have misunderstood me. (Damn helicopters!) The division of labor was: you run, I watch you on TV.

msolga wrote:
And to have spent such an evening with such good friends you met on an internet forum!

Before you get too touched by this, let me clear up another misunderstanding: It wasn't friendship that brought me to New York. I came strictly for the free beer.
Joe Nation
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 08:23 pm
Thoughts

I'm having horrible thoughts:
what if, my brain inquires, she doesn't move out today?
Then she would have the fight she fears having.
I have gotten used to the idea that she is going, if she didn't go.... .

What if she wants to come over later to hang out?
I've already promised myself I would never have to watch another minute of America's Next Top Model, What Not to Wear or So You Think You Can Dance? So we might not watch any TV.

Now other, weird, things, I see a lobster truck, I think, L loves lobster, broiled not steamed.
I am petting the cats (she hasn't picked them up yet) and I start thinking maybe Maxie could come over to visit. (What? Alternate weekends?)

I have remember to start saying "former in-laws".

How about this: should she be allowed to attend my funeral?

When is it appropriate to remove her from my speed dial?!
Is this part of the anger phase?

How many ways are there for describing the situation?
L and I broke up. (when? Just before the prom?)
"I am moving out." (sounds more like a roommate)
She walked out on me. (Cue Waylon Jennings.)
We've separated. (Um. You mean like two week old yogurt?)

What is the difference between a separation and a trial separation?
To say you are having a trial separation means you are lying.

I did real well today. I talked to my sister on the phone for awhile, I held it all together until I tried to say that I had never given up on L , all through the weirdnessess, and the therapies, and the incredibly expensive hobby enterprises, I was always fascinated by watching the depth of her engagement and talent. Those experiences are the ones Dlowan was talking about above.

The apartment is off balance at the moment. I need to move some cabinets, find something to hang on the walls. (She, thankfully, after I asked her nicely, took all of her paintings with her. I think their presence would have burned me like some acidic gas.) I am going to go through all my books and cart the ones I haven't read in years down to the library. I am going to get rid of all the computer books - Excel for Windows 95 - uh huh.

I'm glad she went on a ten day vacation in July. It gave me a chance to practice living alone.

I bought my plane ticket for my vacation in December. It felt really odd to be buying one ticket.

Do I have to change all the passwords that I based on the two sets of our initials? Yes. Yes, I do.
I was thinking about this today and I remembered knowing a woman in Oklahoma who had just started going out with a divorced man. She was upset because his car had push button locks and to open the door on the passenger side she had to punch in the birthdate of his former wife. They didn't last.

I need to find someone who wants the giant cabinet she left behind.

Joe(It's a beaut.)Nation



























dlowan
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 08:32 pm
@Joe Nation,
Quote:
How about this: should she be allowed to attend my funeral?


Yes.

Good funerals are best with a row of exes.

One of our friends killed himself....there was a current partner (who none of us really knew, [except me, and that was only because I was part of the team behind the screen for a therapist she was seeing, so embarrassing] she was so new), there was a divorced wife, the ex before the current ex, and the one before that.

We called it "who the hell is that, and the three widows".

They all sat together and held hands and cried.

It was a damn fine send-off.

0 Replies
 
Foxfyre
 
  3  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 08:49 pm
I don't know about ex-wives attending funerals. They always come equipped with hatpins in the movies. The big cabinet? You can't have too much storage--its a place to put all the spare books that you don't get around to trucking to the library. I've been thinking about those helicopters. Were they black?

Definitely change locks and passwords and move all funds into a different bank account and all important papers into a different safety deposit box.

So where's the vacation going to be?

0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 08:50 pm
Did Kicky ever find a bed? He could probably fit in the cabinet.

0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 09:09 pm
@Joe Nation,
I'd grab the cabinet, but never mind, a tad far.

In one of my finer immature grown woman moments I asked, "Wouldn't you care if I died?" Good for him, he didn't screen feelings, an old habit, and said, "No." (Years have passed and we're over that part.)

I see you're already in the newly spare phase. It is a good kind of clean out of more than the apartment, I think.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 09:18 pm
@Joe Nation,
On the walls... the fun will be doing what the hell you want, (Um, aerial flyover photos of NYC?)
0 Replies
 
littlek
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 09:21 pm
I've been reading along. I don't feel I have much to input here as I have been single for longer than I care to admit. But, I'd take the cabinet if I were local. Have you tried craig's list?
0 Replies
 
margo
 
  3  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 09:26 pm
@Thomas,
Thomas the fiend wrote:
Quote:
You must have misunderstood me. (Damn helicopters!) The division of labor was: you run, I watch you on TV.


Couldn't you at least meet him at the end with a cool drink, or a g'day!
Thomas
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 09:32 pm
@margo,
Good compromise, Margo. Smile
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  4  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 09:32 pm
@Joe Nation,
"DearJoe" wrote:
...I'm having horrible thoughts:
what if, my brain inquires, she doesn't move out today?
Then she would have the fight she fears having...


A fight might actually help. It could either (a) change the ultimate outcome or (b) speed the separation process. You never know. And it would probably feel great to let it all out.

But then, I never was one for civil goodbyes. If I could've managed that, I could've managed to stay. Oh no, I hang on until the Bitter End.

I've always known you're smarter than I am.

Quote:
What if she wants to come over later to hang out?


Absolutely, unequivocally...NO.
How could you even ask? That is just too masochistic for words.
If it happens, call one of us. We'll come over and kick her out ourselves. It'd be a pleasure.

Quote:
How about this: should she be allowed to attend my funeral?


Hell yes!
But she cannot sit with family.
Ideally, she would sit on the back row and sob hysterically into her black lace handkerchief.

Quote:
When is it appropriate to remove her from my speed dial?!


The day the papers are signed.

Quote:
Is this part of the anger phase?


I sincerely hope so. And I can help you with that, Joe. I'm great at the anger phase. Can you tell? Wink

Quote:
How many ways are there for describing the situation?
L and I broke up. (when? Just before the prom?)
"I am moving out." (sounds more like a roommate)
She walked out on me. (Cue Waylon Jennings.)
We've separated. (Um. You mean like two week old yogurt?)


Now, that's funny!
How about..."L moved out" or "We're not together any longer."
After it's final..."We're divorced."
You've done this before. You remember. Right?

Quote:
What is the difference between a separation and a trial separation?


A trial separation means the two people are hoping to work things out.
A separation means the two people intend to divorce.

Quote:
I am going to go through all my books and cart the ones I haven't read in years down to the library.


Attaboy. Time to clean out all the cobwebs.

You're going to be just fine.

{smooch}







dagmaraka
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 09:48 pm
@Eva,
yeah, civil breakups suck.

but hey, they make you a better writer.

cookie?
0 Replies
 
Izzie
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 10:23 pm
@Joe Nation,
Oh Joe (it can seem so unfair and hopeless)...

just sending you good thoughts and hoping that your healing will come soon

love Izzie (it will feel better, but cr*p, it takes a long time mate) x
0 Replies
 
yitwail
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 10:27 pm
Joe,

beautiful writing about a sad time in your life. thank you for sharing it with us.
0 Replies
 
martybarker
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2008 11:00 pm
Good night Joe,

Hope tomorrow things are just at least a smidge better. My divorce was 3 years ago and although I'm so over that I can still relate to the feelings that you are going through. Been there. Keep your chin up.

A friend of mine sent me a little cartoon of a girl jogging. It said, "The more I run, the smaller my problems become."

We went running together the day after I found out my ex got married.
 

Related Topics

Divorce and stay friends.. - Discussion by shewolfnm
Family Relationship - Question by Krisqiyajie
What fault can I base on if any - Question by confusedtina
I want a divorce - Question by conflictedthoughts
Why is Divorce preferable to adultery? - Question by maxdancona
What to do with the house - Question by jenfargo83
Divorce - Question by Misties
divorce with a prenup - Question by KoratMommy
Will Ex-wife Get Revenge? - Discussion by nycfunction
 
Copyright © 2022 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.04 seconds on 06/30/2022 at 04:09:18