A good cry on the train

the ones who can catch their breath on meeting you
Just because i fish for compliments doesn't mean you have to toss any my way.
Don't.
Stop.
Joe(..don't stop...)Nation

Joe Nation, your the greatest. The bee's knees. The wasp's nipples.

So, um, thusly stroked, can I throw a self-pitying rant on here? Just, you know, cuz it's that sort of thread?

And cuz it's a grim bright sunny Saturday and when the wife left last night she had to remind me, in her backhanded maybe on purpose/maybe well-intentioned-but-I'm-too-dysfunctional-to-see-it-that-way way she has what a lonely weekend was likely in store for me?

So, yeah, OK, thanks. Taking stock of things.


Here’s what I’ve got for myself.

A small mountain of debt. About $200K in student loans. More revolving debt than I’d like, but a manageable amount. A half share in a mortgage on a house with no equity in a state I’ve got no family in, no roots in, no particular affection for, and with the most trying and depressing climate I’ve ever been in. A wife who hasn’t enjoyed sex with me in at least 2 years (possibly more), who hasn’t had sex at all with me for about half a year, and who moved into her own $800/month apartment 10 or so weeks ago. She resents me, and I resent her, and what's immaterial to me is of great importance to her (and vice versa), and we’re not the same people we were a decade ago and the differences that have accumulated may, if we’re really honest with ourselves and with each other, be irreconcilable.

I’ve got a job I’m not especially good at, has very little opportunity for advancement, and may subject me to layoff with each budgeting cycle, and presents daily the slim but real possibility of saddling me with temporary or permanent disability. Though I very much like the people I work with, I’ve no real peer group at this job, and the people I’d like to be friends with there aren’t going to let me in because of the status differential, which I understand completely and would have it the same way if the tables were turned.

I’ve got a very bad back and a handful of less dramatic health problems that could flare up into something debilitating or at least very inconvenient.
I’ve essentially got sole responsibility for the maintenance of a large, old house and 3 dogs, 2 with health problems and one with infuriating behavioral issues (my fault, of course).

I’ve got a couple of quasi-friends who have issues with their own significant others. Neither of them are responding to messages about the possibility of hanging out on a Saturday night. The people I spent the last 4 years of my life socializing with have all left town to pursue their careers and the rest of their lives.

I’ve got a sink full of dishes, a yard full of leaves and dog ****, and a garage full of crap (mostly my wife’s) that needs to come into the house before winter sets in. I don’t give a **** about any of this stuff, and would just as soon hire a dumpster to come and take it all away, but I won’t. The wife won’t/can’t deal with this mountain of **** because it aggravates her asthma. I uncharitably think “bitch,” of course, but that doesn’t get anything done.

What a ******* hash I’ve made of my life so far. Ah, well, at least the sun will be up when I get out of bed tomorrow morning. Maybe I'll make a big fire with the scrap cedar from the fence tonight.




OKthanks.

Hey pdog,

Well that sucks. I don't know if I haven't been reading the right places (I'm around here far less than I used to be) or if you've been all stoic 'n' ****, but I had no idea.

Which way does the status differential go? As in, do the people you'd like to be friends with see you as Mr. Bigshot Vet and are suspicious of you wanting to hang out with them? Or established vets who look down their nose at the newbie?

I've been having some problems with the former -- we live, apparently, though I didn't know it when we bought the house, on the "right" side of the tracks, and some wrong-siders are reflexively suspicious/ dismissive. But several people I like are wrong-siders. And I don't like several of the right-siders who are supposedly my crowd. It's mostly shaken out.

I have all this advice brimming but this strikes me as more of a vent than a request for advice.

So I'll zip the lip.

Pdawg.... we're in a cr*p club.... but you know... we'll make it... somehow...

thing is

we're sitting next to Joe on his A2K train and there's a lotta folk around... but we all don't know each other...'til we start talking. I reckon Joe would have a big 'ole fashioned steam train, you know - the Harry Potter kinda train....good place to let steam off here!

another thing is... Joe has a great hand to hold so...really.... you sit one side, I'll sit on the other... and who knows - maybe you'll feel a wee bit better mate.

************************************************************************************************

Hey Joe (you had an eggtraordinary Fried-egg-day?) Nation

.... trying to write.... can't right now.... big heart hurt going on too. You know me now.... I'm a soft boiled egg...crack easily ...

HA - just need to dip a buttered soldier..... ohhhhhh don't worry -that's a Brit thing!!!!! <wry smile>

The little lady you met... ahhhhhhhhh.... she saw the warmth around you... it’s not hard to see, even when we don’t see you.

Oh... your song you heard on the platform... did you hear the words, didya???:

Desperado,
Ohhhh you aint getting no younger.
Your pain and your hunger,
They're driving you home.
And freedom, ohh freedom.
Well that's just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine.
It's hard to tell the night time from the day.
And you're losing all your highs and lows
aint it funny how the feeling goes
away...

Desperado,
Why don't you come to your senses?
come down from your fences, open the gate.
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you.
You better let somebody love you.
(let sombody love you)
You better let somebody love you...ohhh..hooo
before it's too..oooo.. late.[/i]

Hunni - if you hear him sing again " you give him the loudest applause from me, would ya? Being outrageous and all...... you'll smile!

Hugging ya Joe

Iz (we all eggist to someone, even when we're scrambled) zie xx

Joe and pdog: I'm here and I'm reading your excellent words. I wish I could do more than that.

Well I can do this:
How to peel a hard-boiled egg thread

cavfancier's Want a Perfect Hard-Boiled egg? thread

Thanks, y'all. Have been reading along for a while.

Always a pleasure to read Joe, whatever the subject.

Hey there peppermint, I've got some eggs and blue taters for yer hash


crispy bacon (regular and smoked) for your consideration while considering the dishes and hash


and a nod for your rant.

P-dog, my brother! I wish I could take you out for a night on the town! Jesus, I had no idea!

And you, Joe...I was thinking about you today. They've been putting up the barriers on 1st Avenue today for the Marathon tomorrow. You running it this year? If so, what time do you think you'll be hitting the UES? Just in case I get my lazy ass up in time to get out there and cheer you on.

Yikes, p'dog!

Still listening along! It's already tomorrow here. Things are better!

S'funny - the egg thing - we were having a discussion about eggs in a Vietnamese restaurant last night. And about dipping soldiers - not only a Brit thing

Wish I had something more substantial than a virtual hug to offer:

((P-Dog))

Damnit, dawg. What a story. What a life. I'm glad you let us in on it. I kept waiting for the self-pitying part you mentioned but didn't really see it.

Rock. Hard Place. Between. Yah.

Makes this little show I'm in seem rather bland.
(Gives me a little focus, you know.)

Okay, so now that we do know, what's next for you?

Joe(besides burning the fence parts)Nation

Probably most of us have **** we're dealing with in our lives. I know it doesn't make you feel any better for me to tell you that I wouldn't trade my **** for yours which is a way of saying okay that really sucks and wish you (and everybody else here dealing with stuff) weren't having to go through all that. But in spite of it all, I sense a strength and sense of inner self in folks like Izzie and Joe and you and certain others that tells me that somehow you'll keep getting through it until the sun comes out again.

Meanwhile just sending what supportive vibes can be projected through the distance.

aiyiyi. i bet none of us had the faintest clue, because you're always on the helping/advising end of the spectrum. yes, do tell us what's next for you. and keep us in the loop.

Ah shoot. I remember you mentioned something a while back about a rough patch with your wife, I didn't know it kept on going. The weather hasn't turned yet, right? Why not treat yourself to a hike? Hell, I'd hang out with you for beers again, last time was fun. Hang in there and let us know if we can help.

OK.... Joe... PDawg.....

I needed a good 'ole British laugh in the silence....




maybe.... just a little smile.... maybe....

Aaack, p'dawg.
I knew a little bit, like littleK, but not that it is all still going on.
Hugs...

Thanks for sympathy, all. Growing up is a bitch and all. Found a couple of folks to go out for beers and thai food, anyway.


Are those 2 English dudes having post-sex brekkie or what?






Oh, and I'm thinking right now that there are some elements of Back to the Future that are maybe a little implausible...

One of the things I....love(? probably fits), and admire about the people here is that the misery is able to surface, air and dissipate, a little, lifting some of the dead weight. But nobody wants to wallow, or dive deeper. That refusal to self pity carries a positive final outcome with it.

patiodog,

I hope you can find another point of contact with your wife, and make it grow. But it is obvious, if that can't happen, that you are a man who brings a clear understanding to things which will get you to the other end, guts and determination intact.

The time has probably passed, (it's 10.35 Sunday morning, here) but I hope you had that fire and got to the point of good thoughts, gazing into it.

Take care

Joe,

Small egg story.

All my life, eggs have been easy to peel. My Mum "brung me up" with the method of dropping the eggs' temp after cooking. It also prevents the blue layer on the yolk.

At the age of 35 I got my own chooks and encountered your problem, cold water notwithstanding.

I didn't know what was causing it and only found out by accident that really fresh eggs will not peel. They need to be at least 5 days old. My own eggs had to be at least 21 days in the fridge to peel easily, without heroic cold water intervention. It was during this period of experimentation that I found it is really difficult to make an egg go "off". I had some for 50 days, under ideal conditions, and they were still "OK". Peelability is the better indication of freshness.

So. No matter what else is going on. At least you know you can trust your grocer.

i could still hear you - and wha........ you never heard of Morecombe and Wise.... man, they were soooooooooo funny, well... I thought so when I was a wee kid..... and no, they were just good friends..... but I sure am laughing now!!!!!!!!

edit... I still think they are hysterical

glad you found someone to go have beer with - enjoy mate