98
   

A good cry on the train

 
 
Rockhead
 
  2  
Reply Thu 21 Aug, 2008 02:45 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
Several Dave, but let's not derail a thread, especially this one...
0 Replies
 
Izzie
 
  2  
Reply Thu 21 Aug, 2008 05:51 pm
@High Seas,
Hey Joe (wanna get some adrenaline going) Nation

That sounds like a fab offer from High Seas - kinda doing something completely different, something you wouldn't "normally" do - how about it.... we'll send a sick bag - you'll be coco!!!!



I bought a box today - only the sort of box you can buy in the USA. It's now in my suitcase. It's a box I have been thinking of getting for a long time - a beautiful memory box - I have a feeling I may be needing it at some point in the future... a time I have to choose to move forward in a different direction. Weird huh - when you talk to someone about their angst, then you realise you may have to do something about your own.



Joe - don't get a box yet.... but maybe, in the future - you can have a memory box too, to put some of those things you can't get rid of, but also can't look at any longer.

You take care hun - and think about "flying high" - you're gonna grow wings of your own and be building new nests..... this seems a good time to make maiden flight and really get the blood pumping round. Kind offer High Seas - good onya gal.
0 Replies
 
martybarker
 
  2  
Reply Thu 21 Aug, 2008 06:22 pm
Thinking of you Joe. I remember when I started to feel emotionally better after my break up, it was euphoric. Better days will come, I promise.
0 Replies
 
littlek
 
  2  
Reply Thu 21 Aug, 2008 06:37 pm
Checking in and reading up............

Joe you really are a great man. You'll get through this and carry on. I like the idea of waiting to get the cat. You need freedom and movement and independence for just a little while.
0 Replies
 
Green Witch
 
  3  
Reply Thu 21 Aug, 2008 06:55 pm
Joe, I've been clunking around the new site and just found this. I always read your posts for the great writing, and over the years you have mad me laugh and cry. I can't believe a woman would leave a guy who can actually communicate with such feeling and wit. Isn't that what we all say we want? You are the Holy Grail of intelligent women everywhere. I'm sorry your heart is being squeezed, but I think it's only a matter of time before you and Kicky will be out cruising for chicks like a couple of wild and crazy guys. I also look forward to your book documenting the experience.
0 Replies
 
spikepipsqueak
 
  2  
Reply Thu 21 Aug, 2008 06:56 pm
@High Seas,
High Seas, I hope Joe is able to take up your offer. Not as a distraction, for the counterirritant effect, just 'cos it's a brilliant idea and a wonderful thing to do, one fine day.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  4  
Reply Thu 21 Aug, 2008 08:43 pm
@NickFun,
Quote:
4 years ago my fiancee passed away very unexpectedly while I was out of town.

To Nick:
Sometimes a lens is placed
before our eyes
to let us see just how
both
the edges of the universe are folded
and
how,
in this tiny span of time,
what is the matter of what matters.

==
If I haven't said before how sorry I am that you had to travel through that vale, I say it now.

Joe(so sorry, my brother, so sorry and still saddened)Nation
mac11
 
  2  
Reply Thu 21 Aug, 2008 09:38 pm
Joe, beautiful Joe. I'm crying with you and for you.

I hope to meet you and hug you in person some day, but for now a virtual hug is all I can offer.

(((((((Joe(a mensch if ever there was one)Nation)))))))
0 Replies
 
NickFun
 
  4  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2008 12:03 am
@Joe Nation,
Thanks Joe. I appreciate those words so much.

Nick (a man is never alone who has friends) Fun
0 Replies
 
margo
 
  2  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2008 01:35 am
Just checking on Joe.

Hold your dominion!
0 Replies
 
Diest TKO
 
  4  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2008 07:07 am
Remember that you don't have to feel better to fulfill anyone else's expectations or make things comfortable for others. Sometimes the healthiest way to purge these hard feelings is to let them run there course. Sometimes, you just gotta let it hurt brother.

Nobody here would ever think less of you.

T (do you know how pearls are made?) KO
0 Replies
 
Foxfyre
 
  5  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2008 08:30 am
@High Seas,
High Seas wrote:

Foxfyre - I don't understand the part about "grief must be endured": maybe, but does it have to be continuous?

What I had in mind, to be specific, was picking up Joe at his apartment in Manhattan, driving over the GW bridge to an airport in New Jersey that rents small planes, and taking him for a tour of the Hudson river - say, to Albany and back. I suspect that sheer, unmitigated terror at my flying technique should wipe out the grief, at least temporarily. So should feelings of overwhelming gratitude to the deities, upon safe landing.

If the thread judges otherwise, though, I'm not offering.....


No, grief does not have to be and should not be a temporary condition, relatively speaking, but it is a reality that cannot be denied and we ignore it at our peril. It is something to endure, understand, and get through. Do that and it eventually is resolved and we emerge whole. Try to sidestep that step and it comes back to bite you in unexpected and unpleasant ways. For some, completing the grief process is accomplished in a few days. Others might be a few weeks. Others longer. But it need not be forever for anybody.

Your suggested remedy, however, should it be appealing to Joe, sure does sound like a good plan to include in the process however. The grief process does not have to be 24/7 misery. Crying on the train is part of it. So is the slow process of getting on with one's life until it feels normal again while understanding that temporarily not feeling normal is....well.....normal.
sumac
 
  2  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2008 11:32 am
@Joe Nation,
The brain is weirdly wired at times. I guess. The how or why of what can trigger what.

I am truly sorry to hear of your situation, but glad that you had that good cry.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2008 06:41 pm
@Joe Nation,
Checking in. How's the running, the eating, the quiet?

The writing. Is there writing?
Butrflynet
 
  2  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2008 06:49 pm
@ehBeth,
Hey Joe, whatcha doing tomorrow night around 8 pm your time? Wanna Chat?
spikepipsqueak
 
  2  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2008 07:30 pm
@Foxfyre,
I haven't yet figured out how to quote under the new regime, but to contribute to the discussion on grief - the most helpful thing anyone ever told me was this.

"The tears you don't cry at the time you have to cry ten times later."

I believe it's not literally about crying but about denial, that it will keep surfacing until we deal with it.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  7  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2008 07:34 pm
@Butrflynet,
Love to, but... my younger brother just called (thud) and invited me to dinner tomorrow. We'll have to figure some other time(s).

Last night I gave the apartment a good cleaning. (Can you say "Emptied the vacuum cleaner dirt container twice."? yes.) L was on a kind of strike these past few months and there were dust bunnies the size of tennis balls under every piece of furniture. The apartment is more sparse than it was because she took several wall units and storage cabinets. (I can re-order them right now from IKEA, but I'm not going to) I am shifting things around to suit me and that brings me to ( cue music stinger) My Thought of the Day. (TAH DAH!!)

Yes, I have decided to have at least one thought per day, get ready.

Oo, I just had another one. Wait.

Okay, first thought: Freedom releases a number of things you didn't know were imprisoned. We, oops, I have this gigantic sofa. It's really too large for the apartment but ,,,,, it's here. When there was a We of us, we tried several ways to get it to fit better, but nothing seemed to work.
Today, in about two minutes, I moved it so that I can sit on the lounger end and watch TV without getting hit on the head by the lamp. Why was that so easy to see now? Freedom. There is no other voice offering disenting views.

Other thought: Actually this struck me on the train to the beach this morning.
Yes. I went to the beach this morning. Took the Long Island Railway to Long Beach. You get off the train from Penn Station about four blocks from the water. I packed a lunch. I took my Zen player to read me a book in my ear as I watched the ass of this very cute brunette ....uh, watched the soaring seagulls and distant ships.

The thought is this: my progress through this is enhanced by the fact that, because I am trying to remember details to report here and on my blog, I am listening to myself a lot more than I would otherwise. I am not happy, but I feel pretty healthy.

Joe(does this make sense?)Nation

PS: I don't think I will be going flying with High Seas. I already have a fairly well developed fear of flying, add to that my fear of High Seas and you see that's not going to work. Why don't we have PM's? This pisses me off. I would like to tell High Seas in private that I am very grateful for her offer to soar above the Hudson, but as Steve Allen once said "There are two major causes of fear: Loud Noises and High Places and I have a fear of making a loud noise as I fall from a high place." Me too.
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2008 08:23 pm
@Joe Nation,
Yes, those both made sense, the freedom to move furniture with only yourself to argue with, and the writing increasing attention to observations.



Once a short term boyfriend wanted quite insistently that we go skydiving..
(end of story).
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  2  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2008 08:23 pm
@Joe Nation,
Joe Nation wrote:
Yes, I have decided to have at least one thought per day, get ready.

Don't get too ambitious.

Joe Nation wrote:
Oo, I just had another one. Wait.

Too late.

Joe Nation wrote:
Actually this struck me on the train to the beach this morning.

You're practically being bludgeoned.

Joe Nation wrote:
Joe(does this make sense?)Nation

Yup. It's like talking to a therapist. You have to think things through.
0 Replies
 
Rockhead
 
  2  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2008 08:33 pm
@Joe Nation,
Joe, my experience, warped as it is...

You may need to find a duality for a bit.

Real Joe, and "oh I'm fine Joe"...

Make sure YOU know which is which.

Fun is ultra important, to balance the ****...

Keep bein' Joe(the man)Nation
0 Replies
 
 

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