ME MYSELF I - The pros & cons of the solo life

@littlek,

Quote:

FIRST there were DINKs (dual income, no kids) and SINKs (single income, no kids) - now Australia is experiencing the rise of the SPUD (single person urban dwelling), not to mention the "freemale".

In a wide-ranging new geo-demographic survey of the country, researchers have found that unmarried women now outnumber married women for the first time since World War I.

The Mosaic 2008 analysis reveals 51.4 per cent of women are opting for the singles lifestyle in a new phenomenon billed as "Bridget Jones meets Sex and the City".

The survey also estimates that up to a quarter of women will never have children, while SPUDs account for more than 25 per cent of all dwellings in Australia - a figure that is expected to soar over the next 30 years.

Read more: http://www.news.com.au/single-women-now-have-the-upper-hand/story-e6frfkp9-1111115778111#ixzz1IWQ679eO

Well I knew that lots of people of both sexes were opting to live alone, k.
Interesting the stats on the percentage of women living alone, compared to men, & the numbers of women who won't be having children.

However, as one of the quarter SPUDS occupying 25% of dwellings in Australia, I can assure you that I am not living the "Bridget Jones meets Sex and the City" lifestyle. I'm such a disappointment, I know! Wink

Thanks for this, really interesting!

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@msolga,

It was a good read Msolga. Heartfelt, universal stuff - and it has given me a new appreciation for undetected and admirable aspects of your character and those of several familiar others here. Makes me even regret some of my excesses when carried away with my own thoughts and judgments.

I have lived almost all my life in crowds; grew up in a big family with six siblings, uncles & aunts everywhere and uncounted cousins; married young, four children; all the usual sturm & drang but stuck it out & happily reached a new plateau. Lots of time away (I counted almost 8 years at sea in the Navy, but always in crowds). Now nearing the end of a second career and after moves from California, to Seattle, Denver, and Washington DC, I and my wife are settled again in California with two daughters and grandkids nearby and a wide circle of friends accumulated during previous residences in the San Francisco area - more crowds.

Interestingly I have always often felt alone, even though I wasn't ... an odd detachment that when I was very young used to worry me. Now I find myself withdrawing from things a bit: skipping my old haunts & routines; reflecting more ... detached. I think that's where we really live no matter what is - or isn't - around us.

Anyway thanks for this. I wish you well.

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@msolga,

Quote:

Was it the actual experience of living alone, or the circumstances that caused you to be in that situation?

Both. I had just left an 11 year relationship and I moved into a really skanky bungalow with low ceilings and lots of bugs.

I started playing a Bill Evans CD over and over to fill the silence and then I started playing one particular cut: "Haunted Heart" over and over and I swear; when I hear it now I almost break down.

Quote:

How long do you have to put up with your brother's (obviously unwanted) presence in your home, panz?
Is there a way to gently nudge him on his way?

It's not really unwanted. I don't mind helping him out for a while but he doesn't do anything. It's like he's living here on his terms not mine.

He's left in a huff twice now because of some perceived insult. The first time he rode off on his bicycle with his knapsack and pans and called me four hours later to ask if I would pick him up because he'd wrenched his knee. He was about 10 miles away by the beach.

The second time he was gone for a week and just showed up at midnight as if nothing had happened. I was furious because he had never called to say where he was and if he was ok.

There's no way to nudge him out; he's pretty destitute. No job. No car. No license. No phone. No nothing.

Quote:

Could I ask why this second solo stint was so much better than the first?

First off, I knew what to expect so I kept myself busy playing in the band every weekend and staying with my friends who have a farm about 50 miles away.

Spending a lot of time on A2k and playing online bridge also kept me from getting lonely.
Now I've taken a part time job at an adult day-care center and taken on 3 students so I'm too busy to get spooked.

I'm older and not much wiser but I'll let you in on a little secret. There are tons of men and women in this world that are petrified of living alone. It's not easy. But it sure beats settling for less than you deserve in the companion department.

I heard one woman say: "The first inkling a woman has that there is no such thing as a "soul mate" is when she gets married.

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@tsarstepan,

What a wonderful, thoughtful post, tsar!
Wow.
I'm going to read that again a few times!

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@georgeob1,

Thank you, George.
That was generous and heartfelt response from you, too.
I feel like I know you better after reading it.

Quote:

Interestingly I have always often felt alone, even though I wasn't ... an odd detachment that when I was very young used to worry me. Now I find myself withdrawing from things a bit: skipping my old haunts & routines; reflecting more ... detached. I think that's where we really live no matter what is - or isn't - around us.

Yes, I think I know what you mean.
I have felt pretty much the same way, for most of my life.
No matter how busy, whether life has been "coupled" or single, no matter how caught up I've been in various activities & interests, there is always a separate part of me which stands aside (not necessarily in a bad way! Wink

) knowing that the busy-ness & connections are just a part of the whole picture.
I think that basically we come into this life alone & leave it alone, too.
If that sounds pessimistic or bitter, or disappointed, or anything like that, I don't see it that way.
That is just how I see things.
Just the way things are.
When I was younger I used to fight that feeling of separateness. I don't any more.
It is easier, more realistic, more comfortable even, not to.

Quote:

Anyway thanks for this. I wish you well.

Thank you again.

There have been some terrific new posts to this thread in the past 24 hours.
So much to think about, from each of your perspectives.
I have the uncomfortable feeling that I am talking too much. That there are others reading who might want to respond to what's been said, too.
So I'll tell you what ....
I think I might just shut up for a while & free up some space for the rest of you to talk.
I think that's an excellent idea! Smile

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@panzade,

Just one more post, before shut up, OK? Wink

Quote:

Both. I had just left an 11 year relationship and I moved into a really skanky bungalow with low ceilings and lots of bugs.

I started playing a Bill Evans CD over and over to fill the silence and then I started playing one particular cut: "Haunted Heart" over and over and I swear; when I hear it now I almost break down.

I know what you mean, panz!
Do you know REM's Up?
Just about the most down track I can think of, for the very same reasons! Except I wasn't in a low ceilinged bungalow with bugs! But I might as well have been! Wink

Aghhhh! I can't listen to that song anymore. )

Quote:

It's not really unwanted. I don't mind helping him out for a while but he doesn't do anything. It's like he's living here on his terms not mine.

Very good of you to put him up then.
I hope he snaps out of his fug & helps out a bit more.
Sounds like he's quite depressed (unless this is what he's usually like).
Good luck!

Quote:

I'm older and not much wiser but I'll let you in on a little secret. There are tons of men and women in this world that are petrified of living alone. It's not easy. But it sure beats settling for less than you deserve in the companion department.

I heard one woman say: "The first inkling a woman has that there is no such thing as a "soul mate" is when she gets married.

Oh, bitter words! Wink

But I agree with you about the extreme fear of being alone.
And no, it definitely isn't easy if that's not what you want at all.
Thing is, if you settle for someone you don't want or love, or you're not really suited to be with ..... well, that seems the loneliest possible situation to me! So much worse than being on your own.

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@msolga,

Quote:

So much worse than being on your own.

Very difficult to learn that when one is young isn't it.? The stars in our eyes the promise of a knight/damsel on a white charger.

Anytime you want to know more...I'm here.
Night now.

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@panzade,

Quote:

Very difficult to learn that when one is young isn't it.?

Well I doubt anyone could have convinced me!
Ya live & learn, yes?

Night night, panz.
Happy dreams!

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@msolga,

Me mum used to say: "Fairies under your pillow"
Very Oz-like.

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@msolga,

Now why weren't the AGONY AUNTS around when I needed them, way back in 2003?

Ha. What excellent advice! Smile

AGONY AUNTS:
http://www.abc.net.au/iview/?WT.srch=1&WT.mc_id=Corp_TV-iview#/view/22664

(expires in 9 days)

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According to me if you want to leave alone then you should live solo not even with your single friend...

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@williams22,

If that's what best suits you, williams, by all means.
No one set PLAN that is ideal for everyone, that's for sure.

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@msolga,

If anyone from outside Australia can give me some feedback, I'd appreciate it.

Is that AGONY AUNTS episode accessible outside of Oz?
There have been difficulties in the past with accessibility of iview (ABC television) videos in other countries. Just wondering if that's still the case.

And one last thing: any A2Kers, old or new, are most welcome to post fresh contributions to this thread. Not that you need my permission, or anything! Wink

I'm just hoping to encourage you.
Always interesting reading, posts to this thread.
So fire away if you have something to say, OK? Smile

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@msolga,

msolga wrote:

If anyone from outside Australia can give me some feedback, I'd appreciate it.

Is that AGONY AUNTS episode accessible outside of Oz?
There have been difficulties in the past with accessibility of iview (ABC television) videos in other countries. Just wondering if that's still the case.

Hi Olga. Just posting to let you know that I tried your link, but after trying to view the program, one gets a warning message saying that the content is only available within Australia.

I'm in B.C., Canada.

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@Reyn,

Thank you for the feedback, Reyn. Smile

Much appreciated!

There have been problems with iview & o/seas accessibility in the past.
Obviously they still exist.
That's useful to know.
A real shame. The Agony Aunts are terrific!

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@msolga,

We in Canada have the same with shows like Survivor that play on CBS. They won't let us watch the videos on their site! Sad

Sometimes someone will transfer it over to Youtube and then we can. And then again, sometimes the content gets pulled there.

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@msolga,

I was able to access something called Agony Aunts after going to Google and then clicking on
I am at a site which shows as: http://www.abc.net.au/tv/agonyaunts/episodes/ep06.htm
an episode called Single Again.
Chapter 2 at about 6 minutes tells us what's good about being single...goes on to talk about rats being tormented by scientists.

Some of the items they are saying seem sensible and helpful to those who might be grumbling about being single.

Anyway, I am able to access it.

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@Sturgis,

Quote:

Anyway, I am able to access it

Thank you for the feedback, Sturgis.

Obviously it was not quite your thing. Never mind.
But it definitely wasn't all about "grumbling". More about sharing information.
I liked the humour, combined with the sharing of acquired wisdom.
I think maybe there are cultural differences at work in your less than glowing assessment. Quite a bit of what was presented was tongue in cheek.
But not to worry.

Thank you, anyway.

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@msolga,

So....how's the single life going, Msolga?

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@dlowan,

I'll respond to your question soon, Deb.
Probably tomorrow.

Right now I'm really, really tired ... a helluva week!

So around 8 pm tonight I'm heading off to bed!
Oh bliss, oh bliss! Smile

1 Reply

ME MYSELF I - The pros & cons of the solo life

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