How can I deal with a boss that is unreasonable?

I figured you would say that regarding the 2 week notice. You seem like a considerate person. I also know what you mean about the firing or guilt trip. You come across as a strong person. If he goes the guilt trip way, just picture ossobuco's post. Good advice from a smart lady.

When it comes down to it in the end.....It's all not about him being such a jerk to me, because I could tell everyone stories of how good he WAS to me.

It comes down to the fact that I don't have health benefits here (I have endometreosis which needs followed up on), no 401K, or the trust that he once had when he was out of the office more. This other company is in the top 10 places to work for in PA and OH. Room for advancement and tons of bonuses and perks! Plus I am with other people which I don't have here.

Some people may be reading this as if I am talking myself into this new job......I'm really not, I just hate feeling guilty since we were so close. But I must do it for me!

I guess I just gave myself all the advice there huh?

But I am still open for suggestions on how to serve him with my 2 weeks notice!

HK, I'm so happy for you!!!!!! This is truly what you needed for yourself.

I understand the guilt because I've been there. Even though my ex boss (the one from way back) was an ass sometimes, he was ok other times. I just couldn't deal with working with abuse on any level, plus I had no benefits either.

Those benefits and room to grow are a huge plus and I wish you the very best on your new adventure :-D

As far as the notice goes, I would suggest telling him that you are ready for advancement in your career, which he can't offer you and that you also need benefits to secure your future, which he also doesn't offer.
I'd tell him that it was nothing personal and you are simply looking to move forward in your career.
You could also tell him that you appreciate anything/everything you feel he's done for you and wish him well.

Best of luck to you girl and congrats!!!!!! :-D

The only advantage here that I didn't post was that my boss wanted me to take over this part of the business when his other business got up and running. At 27 years old, its one hell of an offer......but he would still be involved, this industry is not good right now and it will be awhile before it gets any better.

Even though self employment sounds amazing, listening to what he goes through just to take it out on me, doesn't make me want to jump for joy!

I will see what the other place has to offer tomorrow night, but I may have my mind already made up!

Give your notice by saying that it's been an interesting experience working with him but your health and your future require that you make a change. If he offers you benefits in order to get you to stay then you can play up the future part. If he offers you the half of the business or makes promises in that area, then you can play up the benefits part.

He'll get by. Or he won't. But that's his problem, not yours. If he was better at hiring people and not alienating them, he would not be in this position. So go with a clear conscience -- either to this job or to the other one you're interviewing for, if that one works out. Go and be happy and don't give it a second thought.

I agree with jespah on every point. You don't owe him anything - it's a professional (sort of!) relationship you have with him, not a personal one, and you have to take care of #1, especially as he so obviously isn't.

Re how to resign - you can chicken out and write a letter or you can tell him and follow it up with a letter (it's better to have things in writing). If his attitude becomes a problem, tell him you'll leave earlier than the two weeks if he makes it uncomfortable for you.

Agreeing with Jes and Mame. Either way, this is about doing what's best for you and you owe him nothing.

Offer two weeks' notice, but don't be surprised if he tells you to leave sooner. Egocentric bosses have been known to get angry and do that, even when it causes them big problems.

Can you afford not to work for a week or two or until the other job starts?

If you can't, don't give him notice.

Good point, Eva. I have worked for two companies that fired people for giving notice.

The Boss
Has anyone here ever succeeded in getting a boss so messed up to be kind again?

My mother has a boss who's surprisingly similar to HK's (He used to be a friend but seems to have become egotistical, never satisfied, and even crazy). Shes trying to find a new job too. Same situation I think.

I mean has anyone ever backed there boss into a corner and made em tell why they've been such a jerk and tell em that you want to be friends not enemies?

It sounded like HK's boss would cut her off when she tried to communicate such things.
Thats why I ask if anyones ever demanded the person communicate reasonably, honestly. If they were friends once, and one was determined enough; couldn't one get the other to be real?

I suppose this questions just for my own understanding. My moms already made up her mind, and having read the earlier posts in this topic I understand why. Thank you all by the way.

Thanks for any replies

I think it depends on the boss' nature. If there's a long history of a positive relationship and the boss is going through some personal crap then there's hope that the old self will return someday.

If boss is just a sour apple then that's who he/she is.

rainkeeper,

my husband worked here also with me. He saw him transform from the the boss I couldn't say enough good things about, to me dreaming about this place, sitting home on a Sunday just thinking about Monday and fighting with my husband about the place and coming undone over a JOB!

The day that he told me that I am so miserable, unpersonable and told me I won't make it in the real world with my attitude. He also said I was negative about everything....so I made the remark that I wouldn't talk if it were to be negative. He freaked out. I also freaked out and told him exactly how he was being. He denied it every last bit of it. My husband even told him that he's changed (figuring coming from another man, it might work), he didn't listen. But he didn't treat my husband the same way. It was almost as if he can't stand a successful woman, but in the beginning I was better than sliced bread! I don't think he will change. I thought he was just hiring people who just didn't cut it in this business, but I think they had to get away. I heard stories that a girl left a note on his desk with her keys and didn't even pick up her last check! Another one just called off and said "I won't be coming in today because I am sick...sick of you and I will be sick of you indefinetely so as you can see, I won't be back in ever". I found that kinda funny!

Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I went home feeling great. I came home to see that my grandfather was not doing well at all....but the enthusiasm in my voice seemed to perk him up and even though he couldn't say anything, the squeezing of my hands and smiling, just made it even better! He saw me coming home every day looking like someone just beat the crap out of me. Even though he can see what is going on but can't do much, he noticed the difference.

This morning was still hard to wake up and come here. It will be that way until I give my notice which should be tomorrow!!! Just a little nervous about it, but I appreciate all your advice and keep it coming. I will keep you posted about what happens because I am sure it won't be a picnic.

Since I don't have anyone to talk to and I am confined to my desk like the "glorified secretary" that I have become, I am going to vent a little if you all don't mind.

So I am here at work getting the password list updated so he will not have any problems finding what he needs. He comes down stairs because he is finally getting his second business moving which is great! BUT he sits in front of me and starts going on about how he has so much to do with the other company that he's going to have to really rely on me to keep this company running because he cannot do both. Of course, its not like he is saying this in a way that sounds like he is grateful to have me, its just more of matter of factly. Before he use to say that he could do this on his own and make a quick $10k a month working out of his house. Today he starts about how he has so much $$ into this company that it has to work and he only bought the office here because I came onto the company, which he has mentioned once before. (we use to share an office with an atty and we needed our own office to be set up with certain programs) There is also a program that you cannot get set up with unless you have 2 employee's, not counting him. He was going to put some $8.00 an hour girl on to help me so that we meet the standards. With me gone, he cannot do that. That program is very detrimental to the survival of this company.

I know that he has no clue that I am even leaving.....but right now I am realizing how hard this is going to be and I have no clue how he will take it after hearing all of that. He needs this company to move forward to get his investment back since he dumped a lot of $$ because of the downward turn of the mtg business. He will not survive on the other company alone because its not really up and running just yet. It's a medical monitoring company and he is finishing contracts but he can still sell what he needs to.

By all means, don't think I am having second thoughts. I am just going a little nuts right now because I see this ending up badly. I consider myself a strong person, but right now I can't get those words out of my head.

I just needed to get that off my chest to see if it would help.....so far it hasn't!

Quite honestly you need to do what is best for you. If the roles were reversed and there was some reason it would be better for him to get rid of you - would he hesitate?

Re: The Boss
Since my post has to do with both issues I am combining them.

hellokittygirl777
I can't say what you should or shouldn't do. I have been lucky and only had one boss I couldn't stand. It wasn't that he was mean to me, it had to do with other things which I am not willing to share. One morning when I went to work and found something out, I waited until he came to work, which was hours, and then I let him have it. I told him exactly how I felt and I quit on the spot. I packed up my things in a box and the only thing he did was watch and when I started to leave he said...what will the employees think?
I turned to him and said maybe he should of thought of that before he did what he did not to mention he should worry about who is going to do my job.

3 days later he called me at home and basically begged me to come back saying the company won't make it without me. I said "give me a day to think about it and I will get back to you". I decided to give him a 2nd chance and I went back. I also told him if the things continued or happened again I would leave. Well, they happened again so, that time I didn't give him a 3rd chance. I quit and the company did get sold because he couldn't do it by himself. Do I feel quilty? I did because of the employees and customers, but not about him.

Sorry that this is so long.

Even if that is true - it will be only two weeks.

I suggest you do both. Write a short resignation letter - thanking him for the experience, last day there, etc. And then walk in his office, tell him like all the good advice given above and then hand him the letter - that way he also has it in writing.

So, basically a lot of you members wouldn't give someone a 2nd chance?

I would give some one a second chance, however, if this new job is a better situation and better economically for her, why not take it? If it were better economically for the boss to get rid of her, I would imagine he would do so as well.

I agree with you Linkat that you have to look out for yourself. Who knows he might be willing to match all benefits and even pay more if the employee makes that much of a difference.