Montana wrote:HK could always tell him that she has this huge hemorhoid that she needs to have removed
She wouldn't even be lying
Just read through this thread. HKG777, you're getting great advice. Take the job offers should they come. You are in an unhealthy environment.
HK, I haven't welcomed you to A2K yet (sorry, I've been remiss). You seem like a sensible person being dickered around by a jerk.
Get out as soon as you can. We're rooting for you.
Unreasonable Boss
I wanted to share what happened to me yesterday at my job. One of my bosses had a meltdown in my office, which embarrassed me in front of my co-workers. He blasted me for not having his billing done, in spite of the fact that he said he understood it would take a bit longer to do because I must integrate our customer base into new software. Nevertheless, he stormed out of my office saying something derogatory about me while exiting the building, never giving me a chance to determine what he really wanted. I learned later that he has a big day to face next week and that he had just become hit with several extra tasks to complete in order to be prepared. The manager then came in to find me quietly crying at my desk. I whispered to please give me a minute to compose myself, so I could explain. She was very compassionate and understanding and shared similar experiences regarding this boss's behavior. I refused her offer to speak to him on my behalf. I told her that I wanted to see what his reaction will be. I am basically going to tell him, if he does apologize, that I do not want or need his apology, because I am sure he will behave this way again, in the future. What do you think of my approach? Thanks!
Foureye--
Does this man have anything to do with hiring or firing or evaluating your performance.
He was wrong. You are an underling--and I hope a lady. Ladies accept apologies.
You might make your speech and feel vindicated, but you haven't improved your working conditions.
Thanks for the reply Noddy24. He is someone who would have a say in whether or not I receive a raise, etc. Yet, I don't think I have to worry about whether or not I should accept and apology. I truly believe he will not apologize. I was not planning on giving him any kind of speech. I prefer that I not get into a conversation with him about what happened. I want to move forward, and I do not want to give him the opportunity to say anything more. In the end, I stayed late and finished his billing. Next month, I will be sure that his billing is done before the others. The bright side is I got to really have a great conversation with my manager and others in the office who shared their war stories with this guy. I am sitting here now thinking what am I getting so upset about. I did not make a mistake that cost the company money or do anything that embarrassed the company in front of the customers. I am fairly new with the company and learned so much from the experience. I really just want to downplay the whole thing at work. I just feel fortunate to have some people like the ones who vent on this site to discuss this with. Thanks so much for your reply.
Hi Four Eyes,
Like my husband always says: if you think someone at work is a jerk, chances are astoundingly good that everyone else around you thinks so, too.
Unreasonable Boss
Hi Jespah: it appears your husband is someone you can depend on to listen and support you. That is great!
He is right. I saw the wife at a X-Mas party and she was shy and did not mingle. I wanted to go over and say hello but she never left the table. Thanks to you and your husband for your kind words.
Four Eyes--
Quote:I really just want to downplay the whole thing at work. I just feel fortunate to have some people like the ones who vent on this site to discuss this with. Thanks so much for your reply.
When you grow up with courteous people (the old fashioned term is "gently reared") you aren't used to rudeness and public tantrums. Unfortunately, not everyone plays the game decorously.
I'm betting that your supervisor will have another tantrum this week--and possibly another the week after. His coping skills are very limited.
Hold your dominion.
I've got a few bad boss stories too, ladies, but the worst one is Paul. I was working for QE, which was sharing an office with EM (both are companies, not people). After I'd worked there a year, QE was taken over by EM and the president, Paul, asked me if I'd be interested in working as his Personal Assistant, among other things.
We discussed the start date (April 1), pay, etc. We agreed and he gave me an offer letter but no contract. I worked April 1 and then on the 4th, my grandson died. I obviously had to fly to Ontario. I was there for 5 days and Paul's Corporate Secretary called and said I could take another week off, so I did. When I returned to work, Paul said we were going to move the start date to June because I'd been away most of April. I disagreed and we settled on May 1. Meanwhile, QE was paying me and they would only pay for 5 days' pay.
The worst for me was treating someone so shabbily during a tragic event was reprehensible and insensitive, to say the least. I never took a sick day, and did more than my own work (had to help the IR and marketing people all the blessed time). I was in such grief about my grandson that as soon as I got into my car, I would cry all the way home and often I'd have to pull over because my vision was so blurred. But they never knew anything about that and never asked me how I was doing. Nice people, eh?
After more crappy behaviour on his part, the final bell tolled for me that December. I'd been working for him for 8 months and I let him have it when I gave my notice. I was calm but unrelenting about what kind of person I thought he was for the various and sundry things he'd done and said. It felt good. And I didn't burn any bridges that I valued.
My then husband couldn't believe I'd give up that much money and position (I became the IR and Marketing director) but I had to. It was killing me inside to work for such a jerk-off.
I've never felt better. It's good to set your boundaries and stick to them. I'll never work for an asshole again. It's not worth it.
Stick to your guns, ladies. Sorry for long vent.
Re: Unreasonable Boss
Four Eyes wrote:Hi Jespah: it appears your husband is someone you can depend on to listen and support you. That is great!
He is right. I saw the wife at a X-Mas party and she was shy and did not mingle. I wanted to go over and say hello but she never left the table. Thanks to you and your husband for your kind words.
You're welcome.
From one eyeglasses wearer to another.
:wink: Thanks to you all. Mame - I love your name - my favorite movie about a woman who was really strong, smart and possessed an attitude everyone should possess. I am sorry for your loss and am inspired by your ability to go on. Your grandson is a lucky sole. Noddy24 - I love your insight and hope you will see why I think it is useless to accept this particular individual's apology. I do not think you can treat a narcisist like this guy like you would someone whose apology you would value. I would just be enabling a bad situation. You see, when you talk with him, you can immediately tell that he is uninterested in what you have to say and would be happier if you did not speak to him at all. For example, he was leaving the building, two days before his meltdown, and I politely asked him "may I ask you a question?" He replied sharply, "What is it I am late." I pardoned myself and said I would speak to him when he was not busy. Just a little insight regarding his obtuse person. Thanks for listening!
Mame,
If you have read, I have a dying grandfather and my boss now isn't very compassionate about it. It's not like I am crying at my desk all day but there are times when I am quiet and don't have much to say. He takes that as being miserable and disrespectful. I talk to him if he talks to me but sometimes I am just gathering myself so that I can get through the day and be strong and do my job well.
Well all, I have a job interview this afternoon. I am excited and nervous about it. I hate interviewing and the whole change thing, but its what I need. I also have one tomorrow so I will keep you posted later on this afternoon what happens with the first!
Thanks all!
Well!! The first job interview I went to offered me a position already!! Pays the same, benefits start within 60 days (my boss doesn't have me on benefits) and I know quite a few people there from an employer that I worked at when I was 18-21. I loved that job and as soon as I saw that I knew people there, I was suddenly excited!
I am still going to check into the position tomorrow because I don't want to just jump at the first thing that comes my way of course. What I wouldn't be use to is the hours.....I can work from 2-11 get one weekday off and work a weekend morning OR I can work M-F 9-1 and then work from 5-9 p.m. Gives me some time off in the middle and may not seem like a long day! I work 9-5 now so the transition might be a little odd for me.
By Wednesday I need to make a decision and thats when I will be in panic mode. So, here's my question.....how do I leave a small company that there is just the two of us and the business really depends on me since he isn't computer savvy??? I am nervous thinking about it now and I am not sure why because I am tired of the abuse from him, but he WAS a great boss for a long time! I think he just went crazy the past 6 months though!
Congrats on getting the job offer. You are having 2nd thoughts about leaving your current job. I got the impression that you really didn't want to work there anymore. You feel guilty about leaving?
I am not having second thoughts, I just think that I am afraid of change. I am the type of person who hates to put someone in a bad situation which I would be doing. So that is what you might be gathering from my post.
Me leaving this company is going to be like handing him divorce papers!
So, I will feel a little guilty because this could be a big down fall for his company while he's setting up his other one.
Yeah, I don't like to put someone in a bad situation either so I know what you mean. I can also understand the feeling guilty part. Do you plan on giving your current boss at least 2 weeks notice if you decide to leave?
Don't be feeling guilty, Kitty. Whatever devolves re his company is not your fault. I know you know that, just reinforcing.
Absolutely, which also scares me because I have been at companies where they make you miserable for 2 weeks or they just fire you. I think he would just lay a guilt trip or just be nasty.
