How can I deal with a boss that is unreasonable?

Didn't realize I had some grammar errors. I was typing pretty fast and trying to do some work at the same time! Sorry!

It may not be what you want to hear, but my experience is that you cannot fix or handle a boss like this. I've tried more than once. The only thing that seems to work is to go elsewhere. Sorry.

I have been looking. He has been wonderful to me in the past but the last 6 months it feels like we are against each rather than helping each other out. I feel like a glorrified secretary rather than a loan originator. My opinions seem to be crap, he doesn't like when I am quiet.....I am just dealing with a lot on my plate and my grandfather is a big part of it. He's been like my father to me and this will be the first person I have lost in my family.

I am very educated and know the business from the inside out, but I don't understand why he doesn't trust my judgement. Is it because his wife has never worked and he thinks she should cook and clean??

I really think it will come down to me leaving, but I love the job and it pays well. Since I have a lot on my plate, I don't want to start something new right away because I want to be the best for my employer and if I start something and my grandfather dies, I will be not at my 100% level.

So today my boss comes in mutters "all you think about is yourself and not the company" and then goes back outside to and sweeps off the snow on the three steps to our door.

Now keep in mind that my boss doesn't come into the office until he feels like it but will call the office late at night and leave msgs for me so that I have a plate full of things to do. I have never been watched like this before and I know what needs done in a day. So when I didn't sweep off the little bit of snow because I had to check his msgs to me, answer his phone call twice, I had a tickle cough that I couldn't get rid of so I got a drink and then I lost a very important folder on my desktop and needed to search for it. He was fit to be tied. I was not neglecting anything, I was just so busy that it didn't phase me, plus they weren't that bad.

These are the stupid things I must put up with. Today I tell him its my grandfathers bday and since he doesn't have much longer to live, I asked if I could take a half day. We are very slow and he said , well you have after 5 p.m. to spend time, what could you possibly do with someone who is just sleeping most of the time? I wanted to cry my eyes out. I have been here for 1 year and 6 months and have had 4 days off total---1 day off so I could go away to get married (no honeymoon), 1 day off because I was sick and left early two days in a row because I was puking my guts out. But I came in to make sure phones were covered and then left once he came in.

I am just hurt and trying to find a new job is so hard right now. Any advice how I can just ignore this or what to do rectify the situation?

Thanks!

Boy, do I hear you. Your brain is full to the brim with this guy--

hellokittygirl777
What are your options?

Let what he says go in one ear and out the other
Continue to feel hurt by his remarks
Have a talk with him
Quit your job

what else?

I agree to a certain extent. You cannot change some one else. What you have to do is to change how you deal with this person. It does seem to me that whatever you do will not be good enough, right or anything - he is using you as a dumping ground pretty much.

If you want to stay at this job, the only way I can see to make it more pleasant for you is to try to let him get to you. Pretty much realize he is going to be an a$$ and don't take anything personally - ignore his comments - I'm not saying this will be easy, but if you realize he is only dumping on you because he is miserable with the situation, it may be easier to just ignore his comments.

Some other ways to make you feel better during the work day - take a walk to clear your head. Call a friend and vent (as long as boss can't hear you), treat yourself ore reward yourself for dealing with this a$$.

My options are exactly what you say they are. I have been trying to find something else, but its seems that no one is hiring! I know the employment rate is down in my area at least.

I try to ignore what he says, but I could never say some of these things to another. He wants me to keep my personal life at home so it doesn't effect me here.....well everyday he comes in with his drama of how his 3 kids (all over 20 yrs old) take advantage of him and his wife doesn't work or do anything.

I feel like he is treating me as part of his family and talking to me like one of his ungrateful children. I am very grateful when he has done nice things for me but lately, he's put me down so much that I can't even stand to talk to him or look at him.

If I try to talk to him about it, he says he's not that way and gets pissy about it.

So I am at loss until I can find something else......just looking for ways to deal with it.

I have called friends to vent, they see it too as they know him from the business in general. I would love to just leave for a short period of time, but he finds everyway possible to be not around when I would like to get out for a bit.

As for today, he's been out of the office for over an hour and a half.....so its been nice, but that will end quickly. Mind you, he's called me 3 times to see if anyone called!!! It drives me up the wall!

Talking is one way of dealing with it. You are in a tough situation.

With him or someone else?

You said you already tried talking to him so, someone else. Don't let the situation be a huge part of your life. He isn't worth it.

As already stated, you can't control his actions or thoughts. You can control yours though.

People like your boss just don't know any better. They have been at the top of the heap for so long that they can't relate to the real workers. This guy also doesn't understand that a worker who knows the business and can handle it solo (so he can come in late) are very valuable. There is probably no way to communicate this to him, so just keep thinking that the situation is not forever, you will be gone with the first opportunity.

I think you should call in sick if you want to spend a day with your grandfather. Tell him you are probably contagious with a nasty stomach virus. You mentioned have a good work history, so I don't think you should feel guilty about taking a day. If your grandfather does pass on, you should call and tell him you are too bereaved to come in for a couple of days. Be prepared for him to rant and rave. Don't be afraid to let him know you are upset and let him hear you cry, it can tone a person down when they have to deal with someone who is obviously grieving. Tell him you need him to be supportive of you at this time, some people respond better when they are being asked to help someone in distress. Don't just suck up your pain, let it show.

Keep job hunting, you never know what might turn up. In the meantime, don't take what he says personally, he's only thinking of himself anyway.

Hellokittygirl--

You have three men in your life right now. You can't snap at a dying man and you want your marriage to work so Mr. Italian has been elected as the most obnoxious male in your universe.

Unfortunately, you spend 40 hour weeks with Mr. Italian--and he signs your paycheck.

He's certainly treating you as a personal whipping girl and target for reflected aggro. You're young, you're female, you're an employee--a three time "loser" in the dominance game.

You're never going to dominate in that office, but can you hold your own? You're letting Mr. Italian's venting sap your self-worth--and this is stupid.

Figure your job description involves accepting 21 slurs and slights a day from Mr. Italian. Some days, he'll fall a bit short. Some days, he might go way, way over his quota.

Practice on him. The world is full of unreasonable people. Practice smiling serenely and paying his outbursts no mind.

Green witch,

You are so right!!! I should of called in sick today but I knew that I had a few things to do early this morning and thought it wouldn't be a big deal to head out early. I am the kind of person who hates to call off, but the days are coming.

He's seen me cry about this, I think he even saw me hit rock bottom when I was going through my grandfather thing and a marriage problem ( I didn't tell him the marriage problem) so the tears were rolling. The only thing I got from him, was to leave home at home because it will only effect my performance here.

When I am here, I am here, 100%. I can't say that I don't think about the home life and my grandfather but if I am busy and have stuff to do, I am on top of it. I am too anal when it comes to that. Sometimes I think I did the wrong thing by letting him know my situation because any time something doesn't seem right to him (even though it is before I present it to him), he tries to blame it on me having a cloudy mind.

He doesn't understand that business has changed from the days of when he was doing mortgages all by himself. They are harder and not a lot of programs....he will tell people something completely off base for rate or closing costs...I tell him what it really is and then he thinks that I am the one who is nuts because I am "cloudy".

I can hold my own and he doesn't know when it bothers me, but I have been giving it back to him and then we have the conversation that I am disrespectful when I tell him that he's the one who I feel is out of line.

I need him to stop treating me like the daughter he never had. I never went through this with my dad and they are the same age. I am 27 and he is 47. It feels like a bad marriage but for 8 (usually less because he comes in late) hours a day!

Like Brandon, I've "been there - done that". He has no respect for your knowledge, abilities, experience, or you, yourself. Find something and get out of there. If you don't, you well eventually lose your own self-respect.

What would happen if you just upped and said "please stop treating me like ****". Would he be shocked? You've elected to tough it out right now because it's not a good time to move on. I'm guessing he'd never consider firing you because then he'd have to break someone new in and that could take a while. Stand up for yourself, he can't hurt you.

Hellokitty, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, but am glad you're getting it off your chest, at lest here.

I have to agree with Brandon and Roger. I personally couldn't handle being treated like that by anyone, which would explain why I can't seem to stay in one job for more than 2 years.

What your boss is doing is abusive and Roger is right in saying that this will eventually break down your spirit.

Keep looking for that other job, because you don't deserve to be treated that way.

In the mean time, vent away! It's good for the soul!

((((((((Hellokitty)))))))