On the edge and toppling off....

Thanks, Rock

Make the most of the pool party Dev and let your long hair down.

I am cr*pping myself about work tomorrow.

I have had an argument with The House tonite.

Feeling very disenchanted right now with a few things.

No worries - just saying it out loud before I go a little mad.

You do that, Iz-. We're here! ...
and I did, Dutch-.
Just wishin' this dang anxiety that seems to have moved itself on into my bones would just move the heck out! Most difficult to do life with this monkey on my back! First day of school for the kids tomorrow, so we're getting ready for that. Thing 1 is nervous for first day of high school and Thing 2 seems to be taking going to a new school in stride. We'll see how tomorrow goes!
Ms. Iz-, my dear friend, you will buck yourself up and do marvelously at work tomorrow. I know you!

I am a mole...

Digging around in the dark, blindly heading forward, but bollocks if I know where I'm going.

Being here indicates you're digging in the right direction Izzie, there is light at the end of the tunnel, don't give up! Hugs from downunder.

Maybe Izzie could negotiate with my moles.

I think I must have crossed one of Alex's mole runs... popped my head up - blindly felt something beautiful on my face... and it wasn't a worm...

sun is shining, head is above water and I am trying so darn hard right now to muster up Noddy positivity into my everyday...

I'm feeling lost.... I've gained so much, but I've lost pieces of my heart... just a little raw right now.... sorry

my son turns 16 next Friday.... I wish with all my heart we were celebrating...

the other man not in my life... pah peh and pffffftsttstspf hurt - why am I so understanding ... oh yeah... love... that'd be it then!

love you hun..big hugs to you. so very sorry

Shooting myself in the foot. Composting for rich soil. Nightcrawlers appreciation. Mole buffet.
Ms. Izzie...Ariel view...., you are doing fantastic. I admire your tenacity. I adore your sunshine.
Giving you a piece of my heart, to go along with all the other pieces your friends at able2know, have given you. Won't be a perfect heart shape.
I do not know what age limit is assigned by your goverment to be old enough to operate a motorized vehicle, but, that is the birthday to shoot for.
Goodbye for now Ms. IndIZscructible

Wow...that was sweet Alex...It's true Iz.

Here goes....

(kinda nervous about writing it out loud... but you all know me so you know where it comes from.....)


To all my friends here…. I have written this story out to few…one that I borrowed a long time ago in my darker days..... I didn’t think I would say it out loud on here…. tho I have referred to the “ugly” heart which makes our Ship sail.

Alex… I guess I need to share it now because I know I have a piece of all your hearts in mine…. And you have a piece of mine… I want you know how much you all mean to me.....

Soooo.....my feelings….

"One day a young man was standing in the middle
of the town proclaiming that he had the most
beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large
crowd gathered and they all admired his heart
for it was perfect.

There was not a mark or a flaw in it.
Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most
beautiful heart they had ever seen.
The young man was very proud and boasted
more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of
the crowd and said, “Why your heart is not
nearly as beautiful as mine.”

The crowd and the young man looked at the
old man’s heart. It was beating strongly,
but full of scars, it had places where pieces
had been removed and other pieces put in, but
they didn’t fit quite right and there were
several jagged edges. In fact, in some places
there were deep gouges where whole pieces
were missing.

The people stared " how can he say his heart
is more beautiful, they thought?
The young man looked at the old man’s heart
and saw its state and laughed.
“You must be joking,” he said.
“Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect
and yours is a mess of scars and tears.”
“Yes,” said the old man, “Yours is perfect
looking but I would never trade with you.
You see, every scar represents a person to
whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece
of my heart and give it to them, and often
they give me a piece of their heart which fits
into the empty place in my heart, but because
the pieces aren’t exact, I have some rough edges,
which I cherish, because they remind me of the
love we shared. “Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart
away, and the other person hasn’t returned
a piece of his heart to me. These are the
empty gouges " giving love is taking a chance.
Although these gouges are painful, they stay open,
reminding me of the love I have for these people too,
and I hope someday they may return and fill the
space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?”

The young man stood silently with tears running
down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man,
reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart,
and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old
man with trembling hands

The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart
and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and
placed it in the wound in the young man’s heart.
It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.

The young man looked at his heart, not perfect
anymore but more beautiful than ever,
since love from the old man’s heart flowed into his.
They embraced and walked away side by side."



Thatsus a? Us.... and our "ugly" hearts.



Thanku x

Love you, hun.

(((IZZIE)))

That's beautiful, Iz-, and oh so true. Feeling in pieces myself.

I'm doing a bit better today, well, tonight anyway. Got to a couple more nasty memories yesterday - oy! Felt like I'd been hit by a train, but at least for right now, ahhhh, the anxiety is giving me a break and I'm feeling more myself than I have in a long time! Yay! I'm trying to celebrate the small steps and not overwhelm myself with perfectionism as only I can do! Got a little house work done. Got a lotta studying to do. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but right now it feels good just to breathe a little!
How are you, my friend Izzie? Hope all of you are doing fab.

((((DEV))))

((( dev )))

oxygen is good for the soul, dev. Keep breathing. We're here.

Yep Dev.... here too hun... how was your today????



<wavesJPB>

(((Dutch-, JPB, Iz-)))!!! Today is today. Anxiety is back, but I'm doing my best to fight. It's a moment by moment thing and some are better than others. Gotta pull my head outta my butt & just get stuff done. Laundry is started. yay. Gotta make with getting things together for Thing 2's b-day tomorrow. He's 10 & I can't believe it! <heavy mom sigh> Got a phone guy coming to put the land line back in (the 1 cell phone thing wasn't getting it, so we broke down). Anxiety doesn't like having strangers in the house, but too dang bad! And we have fireworks to go to tonight. So, it's "schizo- dev " onward!! Love you guys bunches!
Don't know if I'd be doing this well without my friends here. Y'all help me come out of myself and I thank you.