On the edge and toppling off....

Hey dev,

I hope you and hubby have a nice evening together tonight. Enjoy yourself. You're entitled. I'm glad you were able to make to the beach on Sunday. I know the events of the day didn't go exactly as planned but you got to spend some time chillin' outside and getting out of your normal routine. Same with tonight's dinner. I didn't come about exactly as planned but it's an opportunity to get out of your normal routine -- something that is really good for you right now.

I've just returned to Chicago. Izzie is going to forward me your email when she gets back to Texas tonight. I'll get in touch as soon as I can.

Big Hugs!!!!

Hey Dev - how was tonite hun? Been thinking of you...

You can't stop the feelings and it takes time to learn how to be able to deal with the "toppling" feelings.... you kinda feel as tho everything is too much bearing down and there is no way to stop the wobbles... but they will subside and eventually stop - but that can only happen when you can conciously put them to side... not to forget them, but just to leave them in a place until you can deal with them. The shakes come and go - at the moment, for you, it sounds as tho the shakes are there all the time making the "normalcy" dissolve and you're in quicksand. We're here to grab hold of ya hun - just to be there to listen and to give you that hope... there is hope - I guess I must be living proof that when you feel as tho you are about to topple off the world - that there is something that can bring you back to realise the world can be a good place. It can take a long time babe - you can't rush it - there isn't a miraculous wave a wand..... but I just came back from a Rainbow in Kansas - so I know it can happen. Until it happens for you hun - we are here for you.... and we'll still be there after it happens.

Take your time, day at a time, hour by hour and minute by minute....

love ya girlie xxxx

Man, Iz, that's a pretty spot on description of how I'm feeling!
Dinner & last night was great! Dutch- suggested lobster & I didn't think I'd have any, but there was lobster ravioli on the menu, so I had some, yum! Put on a nice new dress & had a great time with hubby. Got away from the crazies for a while and played like I was normal! It felt good.

Hey Dev, I didn't expect nothing less, so pleased you enjoyed yourself and enjoyed the lobster. Keep feeling good my friend.

Hey QueenDev - back to school today.....how did it go hun? Hugging you big and hoping you got out and about and made class. Wonderful chatting last nite - hope to talk tonite too xox xxxx

Yep, class tonight. You, my friend Izzie, will be in the air or somewhere on your way home. Am I right? Thanks for the hug and it WAS great to chat! Look forward to doing it again soon!
Right now, and well for the last weeks I've been living with this anxiety in my body. Suppose it's residual from repressed memory recovery, but I don't like it!! I don't know how else to put it. It's just there, and I'm doing my best (sometimes) to deal with it's presence. It's not comfortable. It's not fun. It just is. I'm trying to do my best though. I'm not getting done all I want to. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself. That's the struggle. Your support means the world to me. You guys make me smile when I feel like I never will again - every day. Thank you so much!

To be honest, dev, I myself went through anxiety during college when a repressed childhood memory came back. (A psychology professor at my college counseled me for free.) I can imagine what feelings you are going through.

Thanks for the empathy, wandel. I know I'm not the only one, it just feels so crazy! And I'm very sorry for whatever happened to you. Those repressed memories are a B***H, aren't they?!

Yes, they are a problem. In fact, adjusting to a traumatic experience is an ongoing thing. I am proud of A2K for providing a place for people to empathize.

All I can say to that is "amen"! This place and people have been a godsend to me.

Keep on talking Dev, we're listening, sure everything will fall into place again before long. All of us together will get you there.

Good morning devriesj. How are you on this Friday? Me, I'm o.k. I'm blowing the cloud coverage south. Not west.
Where did Elastigirl go?
Did you finish your paper?
Just popped my head in to say hello.

Hey dev, it was great meeting you in the chat room last night. I still don't have an email for you -- we'll have to figure that out somehow.

JW -- that was very thoughtful of you to share your experience. I imagine that isn't something you do casually.

Hey, JPB! Got yer e-mail! And have written back.

Dev
Hope you are having a good day. Hang in there , I am sure things will get much better for you. Sometimes it is very difficult to open up about our past. That's a step in the right direction . Will say a little prayer for you, my friend.
Foot surgery has gone great with not too much pain. Had the sutures removed today. Started driving again today. I am very happy about that I have felt home bound.

Thanks, jodie. I'm glad for you about the suture removal and being able to drive again! You have that in common with Izzie. I hope you're able to get around better now?

Popping in to send love and best wishes, Dev - we are all here for you. T x

Oh, T! So good to see you and thank you.

Just checkin' on things till Miz Iz hits UK soil...

Nite all...

(hugs all around)

Hi, Rock! I see you posted this yesterday. Iz- is back on the threads in full force today!
Man, this is tough for me. It's times like these I wanna just sit in my corner and ignore the whole world, but I know that won't make things any better. So, here I am. I've been doing my best to sleep a lot just to escape the anxiety. Maybe not the best strategy but I just want it to go away! I've done my best to ignore it, scream at it, and just deal with it. I'm tired of it controlling me, but I'm sure having a hard time getting hold of my self! Ugh - rantings of a crazy woman!! I try to get back to my life a little at a time, but it's been two steps forward, three steps back - today is definitely one of the latter!