On the edge and toppling off....

Had a horribly bad nite. Lying in bed, unable to sleep and images flashing at me from all angles - why???? Completely random. Tried to shut it off - did the "ONE" counting our JPB suggested. Did the deep breathing. Couldn't stop the images and thoughts... it went on for hours. I slept in the end around 3 hours. Dreams/nightmares - unbelievable things - I must have dreamt 10 years worth of stuff - so much - people I had met, experiences, lots that I just don't understand or know where it came from - some horrible/some nice.... how can you dream so much in just a few hours. Woke up - body wants to sleep - mind won't let me. Phone started ringing - so much I need to do - divorce papers (sitting here), financial stuff, R's review now on Tuesday with all the professionals, some work stuff, little fella.... just stuff...

hands are the most swollen they have been in a long time and body is just fatigued.

K - winge over... on to the day now.

Izzie, my colleague Margaret has rheumatoid arthritis and she took an old cancer drug called methotrexate. Ask your doctor about that, gal. Hope you have been able to get off the steroids.

Thanku Letty - have been on methotrexate since I returned to the UK - 14 years now (briefly came off it with IVF and pregnancy). Take 15mg per week. It is a good med - better than all the others I have been on. Stopped taking steroids after pregnancy - just have the injections and infusions when required. They do seem to help too. Wouldn't want to start the oral steroids again tho - really wouldn't want to.

Thanks hun x

I guess that's the last time you'll drink Coke, eh?

Just teasing. It sounds like you had a horrendous night. Is the little guy back or do you still have some alone time? I'm a bit concerned about tonight... can you get a nap this afternoon?

Hey hun - a few sips of coke.... well, you never know!

am absolutely wasted - had visitors this morning and non stop phone calls and sorting stuff. Another visitor (Pam) on way over. Oooof. Not sure what's gonna happen tonite - don't know if R will come over - but that's fine. Little fella is staying with his cousin for a sleepover - he's very happy about that. Will just have to wait and see with R. If he's coming I need to be on the ball - but no chance of resting thisavo. Nevermind. He will probably choose not to come anyway. We'll see.

Hands are a little less swollen and not in so much pain now so that's coco. Have a meeting arranged for 9am Monday morning which will be a bit of a session re finance, divorce etc - gosh - so many forms to fill in all to be tied up before I leave. R's review in the city on Tuesday. Water meter being put in on Wednesday and hair cuts!!!!!!!!!!!!! (haven't had a hair cut in a very long time.) Sofa being delivered sometime - who knows when (twits). Travel insurance to sort - no-one will readily insure me for pre-existing conditions. Need to get currency. Oh... really should make a big list of 'to do's".

Moving on

and on to the expected.

BigBoy had meltdown - was at my parents - smashed up stuff - ran away - police have been called by the House who have tried to get R to meet them to return to the House. I did ask they leave for a coupla hours for R to calm - however, they initiated the abscond procedure - and now.... who knows. R has his bail hearing on Wednesday - who knows what will happen now...

at a loss

parents upset

I am remarkably calm and detached - just tired of the constant performance.

Be glad to get away for a bit.

I'm worried for him - but can do nothing. NOTHING. EVER.

Hugs!

11.30PM - no idea where he is!


Little fella still awake - won't go to sleep!

o4fs.

hey ho - only 30 minutes til it's another day.

still here...

5 mins til it's another day....

Bless Him!!!!!!

he's giving the Police the runaround. He's in control - he is going to go back..... just, he'll do it on his terms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When they do catch up with him (as if they don't have better things to do) then they will bundle him in the car and take him back.

His age and disabilities and vulnerability warrant this attention.

His stupidity at this point, and being a little sod, do not!

He believes he is streetwise. He is not. He believes he can control this.... he's right! Not me tho - not any more. Just damn frustrating - that's all.


He's apparently very calm. No one knows where he is... but he has told them where he's not!!!!!!!!!!!!

So..... 1 min to another day.

Thinking of you Izzie, hope all turns out well, keep strong.

Same goes for me, Iz-. You are being amazingly strong in all of this. My thoughts are with you.

Been gone 12 hours now!

Tired.

So sorry, Iz. I'd tell you not to worry, but I'm a mom & I know better. Prayers for R. I know it's hard but try to rest. You'll need it.

Thanku...

It's strange - I'm not so worried coz I've not got one of those real bad feelings. I usually do when something horrible happens. I knew at 2pm something had gone very wrong - I just knew and phoned my Mom as R had left. I usually know when it all goes wrong at The House.

I think he's alright. Well, I hope and pray he is... I'm sure he is. Just want to know for sure... I don't wanna be wrong here.







You know what's even stranger right now.... using the word pray. Haven't done that in a long time... reasons! These reasons. Gave up. Things changed in the last couple weeks....

wierd

I wish there was a way to be there/split you in half (half to sleep/half to be on mom-duty).

Hugs

I'm here for you. Funny thing about that mom sense, it's usually right. Do you think any of this might have to do with R rebelling over your going on your trip? I say that hesitantly. He's probably holed up someplace waiting it out. You'll find out he's safe and sound when he's ready to be found.
Good grief, that's not very helpful! I am still right here though, thinking of you and still praying for R.

Hangin' out and waiting with you.

hugs...

yeah EB Girl - me too...body is failing me miserably right now...

the positive is...I don't feel like I'm toppling off right now.

Just tired - have to get the little fella up early in the morning as he is going out for the day.

Know I won't sleep if I go up - took my potion - but brain is still in gear.

Oh Dev - no, this is because his best friend (only proper friend here and that's not always) left on holiday thismorning. R spent the nite at his on Thurs nite and all day yesterday - then B left today for a week. That's enough to tip him over the edge. It's like he loses his lifeline - the person he is currently attached too. He just needed a reason to "lose it" - only way he can get the emotion out. Can't talk like we do or express it like we do - it's as if his brain overloads and then fires - something fires off in his head - a look, a word, a touch - the catalyst can be anything ... was expecting something when B left - but not at my parents house. He's burned his bridges there - my Dad won't allow him back, my ex-hub won't allow him to stay at his- I'm the only one who will allow him with the family now - and I'm the one he won't come to. Well, you can hardly call us a family. We're all just broken. It's me and the little fella and half a dozen phone calls with family... that's it.

So therefore... he now has nowhere to go. He know it now... when he goes back tonite... that's it. He's gonna be there a pretty long time now. Its all just crap really, and I'm writing a load of pants - 2.24 am and talking to the world coz I don't have anyone I trust in my real life to listen. Oh poor you guys - how crap for you.

Thanku for being here - know you understand.











Can't stop thinking about Brooke...I hope she's alright. I hope they all got through the day... love her... just .... hope she's k.


And Noddy - so worried for our Noddy - thank goodness she is coming out of hospital. Pleased about that. Hope they smother her with TLC.

And Tulip - she has gone to Paris with the kids and her sister - she was meant to be going with her hubby,,,they had visited there before and promised they would take the kids...she's fulfilling the promise. It's her birthday today - she is one amazing gal - she has me a little concerned at times, but I pester good - and she talk thens. I wish you all knew her - she's really incredible. A little haphazard right now - but taking good stept forward. She will get there. She really will.







I so shouldnt type ater my potion - I do talk a load of drivel.


Stoopid cow....what a load of twaddle.

Should I worry that it all made sense to me?

:wink:




now if you want to worry about how someone thinks








I mean - dressing up your Pez?