It's been a long day.
So
when I make a decision - it's usually a big one and usually involves pushing a button on the laptop.
This one is a whopper.
I have no energy
. I have much physical pain. I have no shoes and I don't walk too well. I have little funds.
I have booked 2 flights to the USA and am going on a road trip with the little fella.
I didn't check with the Texas Bubba's - and they are going away for some of the time
. So
.. the little fella and I are going to hire a car from Dallas
. and head off into the sunset. Don't ask me how I will do this, or question how irresponsible I am medically- tickets are booked - we will manage. I have to live, laugh and love - not wait for life to take hold or let whatever happens in my cr*p body stop me. We will have sooooo much fun. This will be an adventure he will remember.
So
..
Decisions don't come easy when I know that this will hurt R more than anything else I have ever done to him. I will have to live with that knowledge. I know y'all won't be able to understand how I feel in this respect because, all I am doing is going away for a while with my youngest son - when R doesn't come and see me or have anything to do with me blah blah blah
.. but my pain comes from knowing that his pain here will be
.. unimaginable. Whether warranted or not - he will despise me more for this and I can't get the balance in my head or my heart. I need to not let it get to me.
However, the decision is made. The e-tickets are in my inbox. Little fella is soooooooooooo excited. So am I.
I haven't told R yet. I will. I don't when or how.
My exhub is not happy tho he has now conceded this will be good for S, my parents do not understand why I feel the need to go away for a while. I cannot consider their feelings right now, which is incredibly selfish
yet, I have done it - and I am looking forward to it.
In fact, I can't wait.
Little fella does not have a passport
mmmmm
in 3 weeks we will be Stateside. I will get it sorted. I have no idea as yet where we are going, though a couple of you know I will be heading your way. So, so excited.
If I tire as I drive
.. oh, haven't got a valid driving license yet either as need a change of address on it
. mmmmmm
have to get that sorted
.. if I tire, we will stop, wherever, whenever - it will be fine.
My folks have agreed to look after the dawgs.
The mountain of paperwork and stuff to do will still be here when I return.
I have 2 consultants appointments to attend before I go. I have R's court appearance and
. something else but I can't remember quite what. Hey ho.
I resigned from one of my admin posts at the school yesterday. I am also reducing my hours to 20 a week as of September though have now agreed to do this temporarily until April. Then I will see how I am doing workwise. It was ratified at the Governors Meeting last nite - so that is a decision dealt with and done.
Little fella has gone to Tulips for boys weekend with F-boy as it's his birthday soon. This is good. I have the biggest head-hurt which I know will dissipate after I have told R, and I am so excited I know I will not be sleeping much.
The world was spinning out of control last nite. So, I pushed a button on the laptop.... and now we go away for a while.
Good decision.
Changes are happening.
What will I do next.
You trust "R" enough to leave him on his own. This is part of growing up.
There are miles and miles of road between Texas and the Poconos, but if you should choose to spend your precious vacation time on the superhighways, I'd love to see you.
Otherwise, you'll just have to make another trip next year.
Hold your dominion.
Thanks Noddy - so much... I would dearly love to meet you and Mr.N in person - I think you are way over the East side...... so maybe next year I might just be knocking on your door.
I don't think R will see it the way of growing up - leaving him with care staff... even tho he hasn't lived with me for 18 months - but I shall use that stance, as you quite correct. He makes his decisions. Now I am allowing him. I guess I don't need his permission - but I know he will hurt. I will deal with it and I will enjoy myself and S will have an experience he will never forget.
I'll be heading East and up from Texas.... thinking there's a big wide open road calling our name....(no idea which one) ..... HA..... how very exciting!!!!! Gotta feeling there's a big lake in the middle of the USA which I just might be visiting and seeing some of the crew
Little fella said..... "will there be tonados" - I said we'd try to avoid them - he said he'd take his camera just in case. Chip off the old block methinks!!!!!
Twister season will be all but done by then, I'm afraid...
(it has been a strange weather year, however)
That's good really RH - he doesn't like them but knows I do - quite fancied being a stormchaser - but that's coz I've never experienced anything quite like it.... which I know is a good thing, and an experience we'll do without.
Oh Iz- (((( BIG HUG )))) I don't know what I can say. It's a privilege that you share your life and struggles with us. We're all here for you, babe. We'll be thinking of you as you think about talking to R and will be there with you in spirit when you do.
So excited to hear you'll be on US soil!!
If I may put in my
, ahem, Chi- town is calling you! Might be able to whip up a nice old fashioned thunderstorm for little guy. :wink: My little guy is 9 -- oh, wouldn't it be fun! But, of course, I'm getting way to far ahead of myself!
The thought does make me giddy tho! Would be nice to chat on the telly with you while you are here
Izzie, how exciting. You are one special person...
Thanku all
I told R! mmmmmmmmmmmm not really repeatable ... he didn't wish us a safe journey. The one-sided conversation lasted less than 30 seconds.
However...... I phoned The House and explained I had a new phone here for R.
Next thing - R turns up..... stayed 5 mins - was very polite and pleasant - and left, phone in hand.
Hey Ho. Will wait and see what happens now.
DONE! Phew!
Wow, Iz-. Good for you. Feels better having it done, yes? You're handling yourself like a real trooper, girl.
What will be will be. You've done your part and I'm so glad his visit was at least pleasant. Chin up! You're doing great!
(the battery fell out of the box onto the sofa when he opened it..... he realised when he got back to The House it wasn't in the box. The House staff are now driving back here to pick it up ...... we're all trying to be peace-keepers right now!)
Seriously, he has handled it well for the moment - payback will come in various forms - but... I don't blame him - I can completely understand how he must feel.
It is what it is.
6 months ago I wouldn't have been able to handle any of this or even think the next day was worth moving forward to...
Holy Schomley - how life changes a?
Happens in steps sometimes that are almost imperceivable, doesn't it?
I'm proud of you for the way you've handled it, and him for all he must have gone through. You're one tough chick and probably even stronger than you think you are.
For me if "that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger" is true, I must be pretty dang strong. That's the way it goes. I'm proud of you for hangin' in there.
Izzie, one day, I will probably travel to England just to meet you.
Tiara bearing QueenDev.... thanku girl
Oh Urs - you and BigDice will be welcomed with open arms
Wow! what a road you've been on and are on.
as the song goes, Baby I'm Amazed
Great one, Beth! This one's for you, Iz-!
(Maybe) Baby I'm Amazed
Merci
Just to say - all is fine - and am thinking carefully about my trip. Today has been one of those "o so tired times" and makes me reconsider options.
Going to have a little bitty minor op thingy tomorrow - HRT!!!!!!! (Awful big gun injector for tiny little pellets!!!
) Maybe that will perk me up a bit - I'm a few months out on the 'ole oest levels - so possibly it may help out a bit.
Still verra excited....
All quiet on the R front
Little fella is verra verra excited!
OY! I'm tired today too, ugh.
Will be thinking of you and your injection tomorrow and virtually holding your hand so squeeze as tight as you want!
I'm excited for ya'! Even if you won't be gracing me with your presence. It'll be good to have you on the same soil.
Glad things are quiet with R and I'm glad little guy is excited. It should be fun for both of you.
Let me know when you get dates in place.
(I'm looking into SKYPE - No promises, but it would be cool
)
Checking in.
Peering around.
Leaving cookies and teas for tomorrow's hand-holders.
Love ya kids.
mmm.. tea and cookies!
pulling up a chair.
