I am just getting online - sorry - it's a been a day of it.
I have lost count of how many people I have spoken to
. NYAS, Childrens Legal Centre, Children's Services in London, Young Minds
. but none of it really makes a difference.
Long and short - R will be told tomorrow he can walk out of care at 16. In just over 2 months time. It is up to R what he does. The government will have to provide a roof over his head, unless R chooses to live rough - which I don't think he will do because he likes his home comforts. However, I do know he will not choose to live in care.
They say they will do the following
.
From their email
We (the Children and Young People's Service) are empowered to continue to support young people who are or who have been in care until they are 21 years of age. So even if R did just refuse to stay in Care, we will still continue to try and help him. The guidance that we give is that youngsters should stay in care until they are 18 because few people are equipped to make a good move at that age, but if they don't take that advice we will do our best to help. It is true that a lot depends on R, we can only attempt to help to the extent that he will allow. We don't try and do that in isolation, but draw on the agencies that are involved with young people - Connexions play a large role in this. At 16, if he leaves Care he will remain a "Child in Need" and entitled to services, as he will continue to have assessed needs that require a high level of support to meet.
So - there is sweet FA I can do anymore. I can't fight for him because we as parents have no rights the day he turns 16. R has not "engaged" in the care system or special residential provision since he was 12. I do not see him doing that in the next few weeks or the day he turns 16. The psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, education and care system have let him down. They have maintained him for the past few years and not given him the input to understand the world as it is. Their reasons for this being "he does not have the ability to comprehend individual psychological therapy" until they believe him to be 25-30 years old. So - he has been "maintained" whilst they have placed him in different settings, telling us they know best blah blah blah. At 16 his rights are the same as any other child - he can choose to do whatever he likes, unless we were to have him sectioned - which a) I would not do unless his life were in danger, and b) no psychiatrist in the world would do as R does not have mental illness.
He has autism. High Functioning Autism.
So they will offer him "mental health" help when he leaves, they will show him how to claim benefits, they will have to provide a flat for him to live in - which could be anywhere - he will need to cook, shop, budget etc etc etc - at 16 - with HFA
..
because we all know as soon as they tell him he can leave care
.he will - whether or not he is capable of looking after himself. There are no consequences, R does not do "the future", he works on timelines - 24 hours is usually the tops - as soon as they give him the thumbs up that he doesn't legally have to stay at the House
without being chased by the police and brought back - he will walk. He won't think about what he has to do in the future or how he will survive - all he wants is to be out of "care"
He hasn't been in education since he was 11. As of last nite he has police record available to police, social services and potential government employers.
So - I have just spoken to R - he will not come back to me AT ALL - in fact he has just called me a jealous b*tch because he chooses to stay at my Mom's and not mine
and that I have f*cked his life up etc etc etc by placing him in care. He says that I have made all the decisions and poisoned everyone against him, including my parents, his father and got social services to do what I tell them.
I'm tired of this.
I fight for him - I lose my son
I don't fight for him - I lose my son
Nah... it's not a case of losing him anymore...
I've lost my son and everyone says it's his choice. I guess everyone is right. Now I don't have a say anyway. I'm not angry anymore. I'm not anything really. Just same ole same ole. Whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen no matter what I say or do. Yep - R will make his choices - good or bad - HFA or neurotypical - there's no difference really - not in the eyes of the law - he's the same as any other kid from age 16 - just the way he's always wanted to be. He'll be treated "normal" ... therefore, miraculously on his birthday, he will be.
I have blue pen marks on my floor - I don't know where they came from - I am going to go and scrub my carpet.
Oh Izzie...I know you feel helpless...but I do think there is hope. Maybe being on his own will help him realize he does need help. He has always had someone to fall back on. Hopefully it will be sooner rather than later. 16 is awfully young to have to be on your own. And I know it has to be painful to do this...Will they be checking on him occasionally? Sending people to see how he is faring and how he is in taking care of himself? What will they do if he doesn't or can't?
Hugs to you hun...
The tea will be ready when you're done with the carpet.
(((( You ))))
(((( R ))))
I made the call to my boss today - told her I would need to reduce my hours - as a Head she wasn't too happy, as a friend she was sad. She will call me again tomorrow to discuss it further.
Phoned Occupational Health...they said phone Personnel as they don't need to get involved unless the Head requests - Head is going to phone Personnel - so..... done
R refused to see Social Worker who turned up at the House thismorning. He never sees her! So .... she will turn up again next week with a new chap from the Care Leavers Team ...
R has withdrawn - non-communicative and not leaving his room.
Have cried a lot today. Done now.
So sorry sweety...You're working through it - it is understandable.
(((Izzie))) your hug for the day. Thinking of both you and R - hoping he is working through it as well and will be better about it all soon...and talking. Love you.
The social worker who went to the House today....left a pamphlet for R to read. I spoke at length the the deputy manager there and said leaving him a pamphlet and no explanation is not a good plan - the pamphlet is about "what to do when leaving care"
.... well, a couple phonecalls came in from R - he said "I don't understand" - long and short - I have had to tell R - I checked with the deputy manager first who agreed R needed to be told something, but he was not permitted to tell him anything as that is not his remit and he could get it wrong.... so... that left me... I made sure there was someone in the room with him at the time.... and tried to explain it as fully and positively as I could (without encouraging him in anyway to leave The House) and of course, now his mind is whirring - he said "I'm gonna be 16 - I can't look after myself - I'm a kid" ... (this is good thinking on his part I think).... then it went seriously downhill and he became very negative and tearful.
He's apparently quiet now. My ex-hub and I talked about it and both feel the same. I spoke to the dep Manager straight after who had heard the entire conversation and seen R's reaction and distress at another change. R will have to make choices now, as he is in his black and white world, without any real understanding - he's scared and angry - he was sobbing his heart out saying "why did they take his keyworker away from me - what did I do wrong" (his old keyworker) - "I was being good and they punished me"...
I have no answers to give him. I can't explain to him. I tried to tell him that he has to talk to this new person next week and I would come in if he wanted me to so that he didn't feel alone - which he agreed readily to at the start of the conversation....by the end of the conversation - well, that was an entirely different conversation then.
So.....let's see what tomorrow brings
I seem to have a permanent head-hurt.
Thinking of you Izzie. (((((Izzie)))))
Oh sheesh. They're not thinking it through at all are they.
((((((( Izzie, R and little fella )))))))
Hey Hey...
Tomorrow is here.... and another day -
doing major positive today (trying trying trying)
Will talk with my boss again today.
Made some steps in the right direction about my photos today too and asked in the little post office if they would have a look at them and see if they thought I would be able to sell them.... proabably not, but worth a go.
(positive positive positive)
Thank you everyone - love y'all.
Izzie--
I'm with JPB. Change begets change.
More tomorrow.
Hold your dominion.
Well done Izzie, hope your project takes off, and welcome back Noddy we missed you but we've been thinking of you during that hospital spell, trust your recovery is well on its way.
NODDY! Good to see you. Hope you are feeling better and that you get to rest some more. Take care of yourself!
Izzie...glad today was a good day. I am in agreement with everyone else...hugs to you dear friend.
Missy
Thanku all...
Noddy - so good to see you. Concentrate on your recovery girl and take good care.
Today has been a better day
We need to travel
here and find the perfect emblems for all of us folks looking forward ...
OOOOOhhhhhhh - they are all rather uplifted a? (chance would be a fine thing!)
Hey, that sounds coco - flight over the Exeter, then to the Scillies.... do a little silliness.... would be a happy little party and bring some good memories back for our Noddy in Cornwall.
Now I did spot this one...
He's a bit of a handome fella for the bow...
I kinda like the girls faces there in the line up - got some ooomph and determination - guess that fits all us gals.too
Oh Izzie that face looks familiar. :wink:
