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Am I a Looser Because.... (women in here please!)

 
 
mrhunt
 
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 03:01 am
First Of all....I would STRONGLY appreciate If contrex Stay out of this topic for the obvious Reason Of you attacking Me in other Threads.....just Stay out.I dont need to be made fun of here..


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Okay....So...as a 21 Year old Male Im still a Virgin and havnt Ever even had a girlfriend. Its not like ive not tried....Ive asked maybe 2 girls out....One of which said yeah but i fucked up and Ive not really tried since.

I suppose i just have different priorities For my age as I Dont Drink,Smoke or Do Drugs....I work 2 Full time jobs and in my spare time im normally On here.....Or Doing Home Improvements around my house Or Something such as that.I Realize that one of the main problems Is that im Not Currently Nor Have I EVER been Really "Looking" much and i know women arnt going to just drop onto my door step.

Id also Like to note that Im not Ugly (as far as i know) and im not fat Or Disgusting Freak or Something.....Im a normal Guy So thats not an issue but i just get really shy around Girls i Really like And tend to **** things up......


but From a Womens Point of view Would You view me as a looser? If you met Me in a bar and found out i was a virgin would you laugh and Call me a looser? Would a Women In your opinion be willing to Kinda "Teach" Me The Ropes and be "Patient"??

this is just kinda getting to me.....Im not a guy who wants To **** every Women he see's....Im Certainly Not a Player at ALL and would prefer To Just have a solid relationship with someone i really care about instead of a ton of one night stands or something.....Its just hard..Aside From work i really Dont go out much (Nor would i have time to meet women)


So what do you think Ladys? whats your advice? Opinion on my situation? Am i a looser?
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 5,650 • Replies: 129
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solipsister
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 03:10 am
No, you're not a loser. You've won me.
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mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 03:14 am
......Won you?

I was Hoping you'd go a bit further as to say If i Am or arnt a looser?

More refering To if women would In general Be Willing To Teach an inexperienced partner in your opinion.
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dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 03:17 am
Mr Hunt (is your first name mike?).

Stop looking for a girl and get to know some people. People of any gender then just enjoy their company.

If you can find time in your schedule join some clubs that you are interested in. Bars suck as places to meet someone nice. lots of people enjoy ther association with the starwars fanclub or their local trainspotters association. find something your interested in and join up.
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mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 03:20 am
Your Right man....I appreciate it....

and no....Mr Hunt is actually Just an alias that i go by online....."robert James hunt" I used to do some pretty dark (Illegal) Stuff online and For a long time i had some enemys and Had to stay anonamus......"Mr Hunt" Just stuck and ive been using it for a while now.....

But anywyas........back on topic....Do you think joining a gym might be a good place? Its not really for Meeting people but You Might.....
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mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 03:22 am
Also.....Do you think because i DONT Drink or Do Drugs or smoke (Im strongly against all 3 Due to family issues with it) Id be possibly Isolating myslef From Women my age? Like a girl wants to Drink and Smoke pot or something and Id not wanna be around that......


Im not saying i want to comprimise my values For Some pussy but.....
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dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 03:26 am
The thing is you need to stop thinking about meeting someone. Don't join the gym to meet someone. Join it cause you want to get fit or slim down or bulk up etc etc. The meeting people will happen one you stop looking.
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mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 03:29 am
Well Im Actually NOT trying to Meet Someone but the real issue at hand is that i Feel Like a Real looser largely in part that im a 21 year old virgin and I know thats MY Fault and i wanted you guys opinion on that Sorta......I know kids i work with who Are having sex at like 16 to 17 and im like damn.....Whats wrong with ME.....You know?
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dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 03:51 am
Until you stop feeling like some kind of loser, no one can help you son. Its a mind thing.

So when people look at you can they tell you havn't had sex. Is it stamped on your forehead or something.

Hey heres an idea, if you dont tell em they wont know.

Heres a drill: every morniong after your shower look in the miror and say "yep I'm OK" or other such positive vibe. It needs to be a vibe thats within your "believability zone" so start small. "I have a nice smile" "gee my hair looks cool"

Do this every morning for a month and you will feel ok about yourself again. Keep doing it and upscale the comment eventually to (say...) "I'm as sexy as hell".

Thinking back to the Join a gym thing its not a bad idea. physical excercise is good for releasing the "I feel good" endorphines.
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aidan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 05:23 am
mrhunt wrote:
Also.....Do you think because i DONT Drink or Do Drugs or smoke (Im strongly against all 3 Due to family issues with it) Id be possibly Isolating myslef From Women my age? Like a girl wants to Drink and Smoke pot or something and Id not wanna be around that......


Im not saying i want to comprimise my values For Some pussy but.....
[/color]

Yeah, well, this line right here may have something to do with your problem (either that or you just blew your cover).

So either you're saving yourself for that special someone (whom you just referred to as "pussy") or maybe you have issues around intimacy or attachment- or maybe you're just a normal guy who just hasn't found any "pussy" that appeals enough to you (indicating that you might be a little picky).

In terms of what appeals to a woman- they're all different- so different things appeal. The whole no drinking and smoking thing wouldn't REALLY bother me personally- except that I might think you were a little uptight-maybe too much of a boyscout (for my tastes) - and would worry that maybe you'd impose your values on me (not that I particularly like to drink alot and I don't smoke- the point is I wouldn't want to be told what I could or couldn't or should or shouldn't do by my boyfriend.)

In terms of your virginity- I think it depends on how experienced the girl is, as to how she'd react. If you're all nervous and so is she- then great- you learn together.
But if she's shy and expecting someone else to take control- maybe your inexperience would make it too awkward for her- and for you.

If I were you, I'd just go about my normal life. I wouldn't look for anything. You can't manufacture chemistry or desire. If you try to do that by actively looking for it- that'll be awkward for sure.
It'll happen when/if/how/and with whom it's meant to happen.
If you build this whole thing up in your mind-as something you NEED to do by a certain time in a certain way- it'll become more of an issue than it is or needs to be.

Good luck.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 05:38 am
I'm with dadpad and aidan.

You're not going to get confidence unless you start believing in positives about yourself. And you're not going to get women interested in you if you, even subconsciously, objectify us.

A virgin at 21? Pulleeze. Lots of people of either gender are at that age and even older. So get over that. Unless you go around blasting that information, no one ever needs to be the wiser. I'm not saying to lie about it, I'm saying not to make it an issue or a topic of conversation. It's private. Leave it in the privacy zone.

Joining a gym is fine if that's what you want to do. But do not use it as a pretext for meeting people. While yes, you will meet people, a lot of women who are serious about working out really aren't there to be hit on. But getting out there is good. You won't meet anyone by staying at home.

So -- get out there. And talk to people. Go to the park and say good morning to the old lady feeding the pigeons. Chat about the weather with your letter carrier. Say hi to people in the elevator. When you see people walking their dogs, ask them what kind of dog it is. In short, interact with your fellow human beings. This helps with shyness because these encounters aren't so fraught with meaning. Plus these people may know someone. But they won't know you unless you say hello to them.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 07:39 am
You asked about if you met a girl in a bar and she found out you were a virgin.

That's not something that ususally comes up in initial conversation, especially a bar.

Much more importantly, why would you be going to a bar to meet a girl if you don't drink?

Here's a fact of life....most people who go to bars drink.
Another truism....if you ask a number of happily married/commited people, you'll find very few who met in a bar.

If you're looking for a real girlfriend, not just for the night, weekend, or a couple of weeks, you'd be better off meeting people at places where you like to spend time as well.

That could be anywhere....library, school, stock car races, Home Depot, the park, etc.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 07:42 am
oooo....missed that Jespah about talking to other people besides a potential mate.

Talking to people just for the sake of talking to people is good too.
Doesn't matter if you're shy.

For instance who wouldn't be able to pass the time of day with the lady feeding pigeons?
0 Replies
 
Bohne
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 07:51 am
Well, if I met a guy (whereever) and within the first conversation I would find out he's a virgin (i.e. he tells me as quickly as that), I think I would run!

It would just be too obvious what's on his mind.

If I however met a guy, talked to him, found him likable, and then some time later found out he was a virgin, no, that would not bother me.

I am sure you are not the only 21 year old virgin around.
And I think the problem is not really your virginity, but the big deal you are making out of it.

Why don't you set your priority for 2008 on meeting some nice people (male and female) and primarily having a good time with them?
The more people you know, the more you get along with, the more new people you will meet and the bigger the chances are that one of the female people among them will be the one for you!

I wish you all the best for the NEw Year!
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SULLYFISH66
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 07:53 am
Rent the movie "The 40 Year Old Virgin"

_____________________________________________

By the way, do you walk around with VIRGIN written on your forehead? How would I know that you were a virgin unless you told me? Do you think that would turn a woman ON or OFF knowing that in the first few seconds of a relationship? Why do you think being sexually active is the way to be, nowadays? Do you realize that there are MANY more virgins out there - exept you just don't know it?
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Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 08:28 am
I pretty much agree with what has already been said.

When I was in my mid 20's, I dated a guy for a few weeks without him pressuring me to sleep with him. I thought he just wanted to take things slow, or maybe he just wasn't that interested in me because all we did was kiss and hug and then he would go home. Then one night, we were flopped on my couch and we started fooling around. I thought- "This is it, and I went through my female mental checklist: sexy bra-check, nice panties- check, birth control-check, check, clean bed sheets - check. Ready to launch." Suddenly he stopped and said "I have to confess, if we go on with this that you are going to be my first." I was a little surprised, he was 24, I was 25 and well, let's just say he was not my first. So on we went. I admit I probably would have figured out his status because he was rather clumsy and the we had our awkward moments, but like any man willing to take a little direction - he proved to be a fast learner.

It will happen Mr Hunt, maybe not a quickly as you would like, but it will happen.
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makemeshiver33
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 09:36 am
Quote:
Well Im Actually NOT trying to Meet Someone but the real issue at hand is that i Feel Like a Real looser largely in part that im a 21 year old virgin and I know thats MY Fault and i wanted you guys opinion on that Sorta......I know kids i work with who Are having sex at like 16 to 17 and im like damn.....Whats wrong with ME.....You know?



There is nothing wrong with you, and you shouldn't feel like a looser because you have remained a virgin, actually....you should be proud of it. Not many people can say that....

I agree with what everyone has said, they've given good advice, so I'm not going to give a repeat...
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vid
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 09:54 am
Some plain talking?

Get out, Mr Hunt. Anyone who works two jobs then sits in front of his PC in the rare time that he's free will never meet and socialise with other human beings.
Think about the things you enjoy, or would enjoy doing (sport? going to the movies? scuba diving? stamp collecting? church activities? hunting? (pun), photography?) hell - there are lots of things that could be listed, and nearly every one of those activities would have some sort of club or association linked to them, which could be found in your area at the touch of a google button .

Join one, two or more of these group activites/meetings and once your face is familiar there you'll find yourself at least communicating in the flesh with other hopefully like minded people from that big world that exists outside your door.
Once you've got in with a group or groups of various people, you'll find yourself conversing with both males and females, unless you seriously can't handle group situations and end up making coffee for eveyone whilst they all have a good time.
If that proves to be the case, then at least you've tried and will know that you need to work on your shyness and lack of self confidence. As things stand at the moment, you'll be all nice and safe within your four walls until you retire and move to a PC desk somewhere near the coast.


Mr Hunt, being a virgin is no big deal. It will only be a big deal if you want it to be. Stop looking at this as if it's some sort of race and you've missed the starting gun.
The right woman won't think any less of you, if and when the time comes. If she does, then she aint the right woman.

Hell, there's quite a few women who would factor it in as a definite plus, given the right guy and the right circumstances.

Get out and MIX! The rest will happen in its own time. And when you do, be happy, be a good listener, be funny if you can and above all, make some friends in the real world.
0 Replies
 
Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 09:57 am
First of all, it's "loser." If you ever get to email a girl back and forth, use spell check.

Get the fact that you're a virgin out of your head. Means nothing, and do NOT bring it up to any prospective females. Doesn't exactly exude confidence when you're telling a girl what you think is wrong with you. Put it in your head you've slept with 100's of women, and she's lucky to be talking to you. It doesn't make you a loser. I had a late start too, but with some adjustments caught up just fine.

Joining a gym would be awesome, but not for meeting girls. The gym sucks for meeting girls, but it's great for you to get healthy, get in shape and also build confidence.

Think the biggest thing you pointed out was that you don't try. You're not going to meet any quality women by not going out, walking up, and opening your mouth. So you need to develop a gameplan...how are you going to get out and meet people?

Unfortunately for you, bars are a great place to meet women your age....however you can still go and not drink alcohol. Drink coke, sprite, whatever. Just lose the straw. And don't listen to people here telling you the kind of girl you're going to meet....you're TWENTY-ONE years old, most people your age go to bars...there are plenty of interesting, intelligent women your age at bars. Besides, you need places where there are a lot of women your age in one place, who are open to meeting people. Bars. Anyway, you're most likely not going to become boyfriend/girlfriend with most women you approach anywhere.

Online dating?

Friends? Mutual friends, or start hanging out more?

Join any local clubs or groups?

You're going to have to take a proactive approach, and will probably get rejected a lot, but that's part of it.
0 Replies
 
Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jan, 2008 09:59 am
makemeshiver33 wrote:
Quote:
Well Im Actually NOT trying to Meet Someone but the real issue at hand is that i Feel Like a Real looser largely in part that im a 21 year old virgin and I know thats MY Fault and i wanted you guys opinion on that Sorta......I know kids i work with who Are having sex at like 16 to 17 and im like damn.....Whats wrong with ME.....You know?
...[/color]


Well, if you feel like a loser being a 21 year old virgin, then how will you feel as a 25 year old virgin?

I think you should start trying to meet people.
0 Replies
 
 

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