How do you say you don't enjoy the sex anymore?

If you want something but refuse to stand up and take control of it and make it happen, you will never have it. You can't rely on someone else to give you your happiness.

People are things you can't control! You can only do the best you can to communicate well enough to be able to live with eachother.
Every relationship has it's downers every now and again, but even the best relationships require work.

To cut him off sexually and tell him that you're going to find it elsewhere, solves what? That sounds like a cruel game to me, which I could see spirling out of control!

You can control your own life, but when you accept other people in your life and you care about them, you all need to deal with eachothers flaws (which we all have, by the way) and at least try to work things, if you want to continue with these people in your life.

If people just give up on eachother, what the hell is left. None of us are perfect and I know I won't be waiting around the rest of my life for a perfect man. That would mean I'd live the rest of my years alone and I won't be having that.

When something breaks in my house, I try to fix it before I throw it in the trash!

She's only 22, seaglass, and knows it all!

That explains it

Pfft! What world are you living in? And BTW, I never said it was a mind game, I said it was male ego and pride that didn't allow them to admit fault.



AMEN SISTER!

There is no game. At that point its game over. Single again. Bye bye baby.



When one ceases to care for the other anymore after repeated requests, its game over.



From what I can see here, he gave up on her. There's only one thing left to do when your partner or spouse has given up on you: leave.

Btw, you said you've been w/o a man in your life for 9 years.



Some things cannot be fixed. You can't force a person to change. Once they've decided not to listen to your needs anymore, its game over.

Maybe telling them they aren't getting anymore, and you will be getting it elsewhere, will be a wakeup call, but chances are small.

I'm 23.

And everyone knows that age is directly proportional to smarts and wisdom.

It usually is. Some 40 year olds are dumb as rocks but a truly bright and mature 23 year old will realize that they haven't lived long enough to dispence such do-or-die advice. Life and love just isn't that simple. Especially when children are involved.

23 is a long way from wisdom!

Trust me, I know ;-)

You're right! I haven't been with a man in 9 years, but that's my choice. There are reasons for my choices, and one of them isn't because I can't get one. I've run across a few who wouldn't mind having me around.

Exactly eoe!

He didn't give up on her, she bruised that precious male ego that he's allowed to get in the way.

And I'm so proud that spouses are so disposable.




I'd really like to know what your point is with this smirk?

It doesn't make her anyless the wiser, does it?

Or are you implying that if a women doesn't have a man in her life than she is nothing?



I can tell alot about you from your writing, and I can honestly say that you don't know "foodeepoo" about relationships and how they work.

Well, here's a good update

Last night we had a very long conversation in which he let me get things off my chest that have been bothering me for quite some time now - build up of years I'd say, and I'm just now allowing myself to feel them or realize them.

After I spoke, he spoke and addressed what he thought I was saying, and clearly there was miscommunication, so I cleared up what he thought I was saying, and said in an even more specific manner what I meant. He indicated an understanding of that.

As many of the older A2Kers here know, I am a woman who tries very hard to be a 'good Christian' woman, and whether you believe in the Bible or not, if you've read it, you probably know how it says Christian women should be. Admittedly, I am NOT many of those things. Prov 31, Eph 6. Basically, it says things that people in general are aware of: Women, don't tear your husbands down, build them up. A soft voice turneth away wrath (in other words, if you need something or want to say something, the loud raucous way isn't the best way to let him know). I'm not saying I'm loud and raucous, but I am aware that I lack tact.

However....

I informed him (because he asked me if I knew what a Christian Wife was, in the Bible) that I knew what the Bible says, but that I DON'T believe that means I have to settle quietly for whatever treatment I get, and I DON'T believe that means I have to speak my mind and my opinions with a sickly sweet voice everytime.

So, we covered many bases, and I left for last, an explanation of my feelings about the bedroom, and he agreed with me that there is little (if anything) that I don't do in there that he asks of me, but that this one thing I ask of him, he just can't or won't do.

Note: he asked if he tricked me, and I said no, but seeing someone every other wknd, and not living with them or having sex with them before marriage (as we chose to do) apparently doesn't give you the full picture. He asked me if I had lived with him for a while would I still have said yes, and I said probably not.

We agreed that we would still like to be married this time next year lol, and the following ones, and that to do that we both need to make some adjustments. He suggested we try to start

So, I'm going to call the couple for counseling (we have couple's counseling, so as to get both points of few and understanding), and I'll post back as sort of a wrap up.


For that person that thinks I should just pack my bags and leave:
Never have I said that my husband doesn't love me. His actions indicate he's a bit selfish, mostly sexually, but in no way do they indicate he doesn't love me. He's a good husband and a good man and a damn good father, and I feel Blessed to have him - I am Blessed to have him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have things to work on. So do I. Grown up people can admit that.

If he were hitting me, that would be a reason to leave. If I were suffering verbal abuse, that would be a reason to leave. Short of that, as far as I'm concerned, it's a fix it state of being.

I am not sure what experience you think you have at 23 to be able to advise someone with many more things in the mix than you could know, but I suggest the next time someone asks for advice on a relationship and your first thought is to scream leave him sister, you might want to take a few steps back and ask yourself how much you know of the situation.

I'll ask you kindly not to bother dropping your 'kernels' of advice in my particular thread from now on, and I've been good about ignoring your less than wise statements. If you feel you can't do that, I'll just have to put you on ignore. Which would and could possibly be a shame, because you might have valuable input elsewhere on this board. Just not in this particular thread please.

I'm glad you talked things over with him, onyxelle, and that you're going to couples therapy. And I wish you all the best. I hope you both get what you're looking for.

Ya gotta stop catchin' em in the headlights, Montana.

Onyx - so glad to hear you were able to talk it through. I'll keep you in my thoughts. I don't think it says anywhere in the Bible that a woman can't have the emotional strength of an ox. You have my admiration.

Good for you Onyx. You and your man are taking the steps to make things right.

As for our new, young poster...don't be too hard on her. She's young, she's got a boyfriend and she thinks she has all the answers. Well, we were all 23 once, or 18, whatever, and we were just so grown that no one could tell us a thing, right? And we all got out comeuppance, right? Well, the same will happen for her and she'll learn. If she's really smart, she'll learn.

O

So glad to hear that you are going for couples counseling. I think pride is just a big factor in going for help to resolve our inner conflicts in a relationship.

You have made a wise decision and I am know it is going to pay off.

Have a wonderful holiday season.

seaglass

I'm proud for you Oxynelle, I have a good feeling for you and your husband. You two didn't take a step backwards, you stepped forward in working through this issue.......


Best of wishes.....MMS

Onyx- Good going, girl. You have taken a positive first step. Now, however it works out, you will know in your heart that you have made the effort!

freakin headlights.

Ony, way to go girl! Communication is the best tool in a relationship and cheers to you for getting through.
I know how difficult it is to communicate sometime, especially if there's offense taken, but it's amazing what you can accomplish when you keep the lines of communication open.
If the love is there, you can get through just about anything.

I'm feeling very content for you right now and I hope everything works out for you and hubby.

Keeping fingers and toes crossed :-D

Oxyn--

Good beginnings often turn into happy endings. Hold your dominion.


As for our new poster with strong opinions. I remember being young and "honest". Tact is a survival skill that comes with gray hair and a handy-dandy recipe book, "101 Ways to Prepare and Serve Crow".

My Crow Recipe Book is well thumbed.