How do you say you don't enjoy the sex anymore?

Forums: Relationships
Email this Topic • Print this Page

A2K is so freaking huge and comprehensive that I'm positive this has been asked and answered before, but I just didn't feel like doing the search.

So...

How DO you say it? I've said "I'd prefer if you did A. B. C." and I've said "hey honey, I don't know how to say this but, it doesn't feel great when you do D. E. F., but if you did F like [this way], I would like that".

A few sexual sessions later, it's back to the same ol' same ol'.

What's this mean? I'm not enjoying it. I don't even ask for oral anymore, same reasons as above - and when it's offered, I usually decline.

Now, mr. onyx has made suggestions of his own, with regard to my actions during the act, and generally speaking, I've complied. With the exception of:

talking during - making sounds of pleausre during....

I can't do those two things because it's not enjoyable for me, so I can't force myself to pretend enjoyment with fake verbal responses.

so...what? What do you say when you don't want to hurt his feelings but you just ca'nt stand it anymore?

A2kers? A2kettes?

eta: counseling is in the very near future, but that doesn't negate the fact that I need to know HOW to say that...

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 7,853 • Replies: 143

No top replies

"Honey? You know that very favorite chef's knife you bought me a few years ago and how much I loved it when it was new? Well, the blade has become dull and just doesn't cut as well as it used to. If we tried putting a new edge on it with this sharpening stone, it would be as good as new, but we can't neglect the maintenance of it or it will become dull again."

"That's how I'm feeling about our sex life. We need a sharpening stone to put a new edge on it and a commitment to keep up the maintenance so it doesn't become dull again."

0 Replies

That's pretty good!

I'm just here to say you are brave, onyxelle, very brave.

I dunno what I'd do. The regression thing might be where I'd start. "Remember last month when we [identifying detail of some kind], and you [specifics]. That was so awesome! I really enjoyed it."

OK actually maybe just leave it there, but I originally started composing the sentence to add,

"I'd love it if you could do that again..." [delivered with full sexy treatment, lowered eyelashes, slight growl, whatever works]

0 Replies

Those are both really good examples of what I could say.

The problem is that I've said them before. The problem appears to be to me, that as long as he's enjoying himself, it's all good.

He does it once, sometimes even a few times, but it stops and becomes once again, the lacking sex that I've been experiencing of late. a long time 'of late'. This causes me to not want it, not initiate it...and that of course causes other problems.

so...there must be some way to say it plainly so that he understands it's just not enjoyable anymore.

If you all say "hey sharia, there's no way to say that and not hurt his feelings", I'll stew on it a bit...and I guess hang my head...but there just has to be.

My sister (older than me, much) says this is my (most women's) plight in marriage, and that I should do what most do, and she says that's to just pretend it's good and let it go. I just am not the sort to do that.

0 Replies

Pretending will hurt your marriage, too.

Can you make a contract with him?

0 Replies

Well, there is no beating around the bush then, is there? As long as he
is enjoying himself foremost and has no inclination of setting your
sexual satisfaction first, he won't go for any subtle hints either.

You might as well tell him that your love making sessions have become
one sided and in order for you to enjoy future sexual relations, things
need to change. If he's not willing to work at it, you probably won't be
willing to engage in it at all. It has to be a mutually satisfying experience,
or it won't work for you.

0 Replies

I won't say I disagree with CJ. since I don't. Some talking needed or some action needed, back a few posts.

Trying to deal with this as a one way street over time does not work, unless you like the getalong lifetime role.

0 Replies

"Listen here, Mr. O, you can have a nice home cooked meal I spent hours preparing because I know how much you enjoy my cooking, or I can toss a TV dinner in the microwave for a few seconds for you because you'll eat just about anything if it is put in front of you. Which will it be?

"What about me, you ask? If you're satisfied with just that TV dinner, I'm having my meal catered in by a famous chef who went to culinary school to learn the tricks of his trade and who has the primary goal of pleasing me."

0 Replies

Yeah, I'm with CJ on this. He doesn't keep it up (the actions you like) so he shouldn't get away with being the only one satisfied. Some men are just selfish or thoughtless and have no consideration for the woman and it is so obvious during sex.

If he doesn't do what you like, he doesn't deserve to get what he likes. If he doesn't listen or pay attention, he should go without.

This is not a penalty but a wake up call.

Tough love, girl.

0 Replies

anything's worth a try at this point.

0 Replies

Say it again and again and again.

0 Replies

Well, then, there we have it.

0 Replies

Baby Girl you need to come to the Hawaii/Seaglass Meet and get your MOJO Back.

Pack your bag and join us for Hot Hawaiian Nights, Sun Drenched Days and Sparkling Rapartee with other A2K types.

aunty Seaglass

0 Replies

Hey, wait.

This is a marriage and we are not part of it.

just talk

keep talking.

0 Replies

Ok, Ok....I'll tell ya what you do, been here, done this......... Shocked

:wink:

First off, men don't listen....it goes in one ear and out the other, especially if its repeated more than once, SOOOOO stop telling him.

The next time the tempation arises you take husband by the hand and lead him to where you want him to go. You can let him initiate, but you don't have to let him be the tour guide.

No talking, no hinting......just tell him......."do this, do that....here, yeah.....thats right." But in a very lovable manner, whisper these things.....focus it all on you. If your not comfortable talking these things outloud, you don't have too, just learn to communicate otherwise, shake your head, nod....mumble... if you don't want to talk during sex...just let him know thats what you like, want...etc.

You know..."Steer by the ears"?? And if that don't work, tell it to him in terms he can understand like I explained to my husband years (I MEAN YEARS AGO) ago..."Umm, let me explain this to you in terms you can understand, if I'm not satisfied, then my dear you will never be! Got it?" Haven't had that problem since then.....unless I'm feeling generous...lol

0 Replies

I guess I'm plotzed that someone would tell you to pack your bag. Maybe you should, but we don't know that yet.
And maybe you could do it as a vacation, but why go to Hilo, given you are in Florida?

Hey, be calm.

0 Replies

We had the talk.

I said in very very plan English what the problem was.

I even DESCRIBED what it was that I WASN'T feeling

I even DESCRIBED what I was feeling that I wasn't enjoying.

He acted clueless.
He said I should have said something. ( I explained that I had, several times, include screaming 'WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST *&^% me' during the act.
He proceeded to tell me how another woman would have handled it.

Okay..i promise i didn't slap, kick, hit or punch him. I didn't walk out of the room. I just told him that I tried that and it didn't work.

the conversation ended with the agreement that we were sexually incompatible (which is quite obvious). There was no offer from him to try to ... push a bit harder... as it were, instead, the advice was that i should ...be in a certain position...to ensure that i feel i.. it.

This is a disappointing end so far, but .... i shall revisit the issue in a few days, perhaps when he's out of his 'i don't desire her right now' mode.

I really don't relish posting an 'i'm single now' thread based something like this.

0 Replies

makemeshiver33 wrote:

Ok, Ok....I'll tell ya what you do, been here, done this......... :wink:

First off, men don't listen....it goes in one ear and out the other, especially if its repeated more than once, SOOOOO stop telling him.

The next time the tempation arises you take husband by the hand and lead him to where you want him to go. You can let him initiate, but you don't have to let him be the tour guide.

No talking, no hinting......just tell him......."do this, do that....here, yeah.....thats right." But in a very lovable manner, whisper these things.....focus it all on you. If your not comfortable talking these things outloud, you don't have too, just learn to communicate otherwise, shake your head, nod....mumble... if you don't want to talk during sex...just let him know thats what you like, want...etc.

You know..."Steer by the ears"?? And if that don't work, tell it to him in terms he can understand like I explained to my husband years (I MEAN YEARS AGO) ago..."Umm, let me explain this to you in terms you can understand, if I'm not satisfied, then my dear you will never be! Got it?" Haven't had that problem since then.....unless I'm feeling generous...lol

'scuse me for saying so, but...

that was hot.

0 Replies

I think I mentioned that I tried this, didn't work. None of it. Sorry your great idea has previously been tried and faild. *frown*

Thanks though, MMS

makemeshiver33 wrote:

Ok, Ok....I'll tell ya what you do, been here, done this......... :wink:

First off, men don't listen....it goes in one ear and out the other, especially if its repeated more than once, SOOOOO stop telling him.

The next time the tempation arises you take husband by the hand and lead him to where you want him to go. You can let him initiate, but you don't have to let him be the tour guide.

No talking, no hinting......just tell him......."do this, do that....here, yeah.....thats right." But in a very lovable manner, whisper these things.....focus it all on you. If your not comfortable talking these things outloud, you don't have too, just learn to communicate otherwise, shake your head, nod....mumble... if you don't want to talk during sex...just let him know thats what you like, want...etc.

You know..."Steer by the ears"?? And if that don't work, tell it to him in terms he can understand like I explained to my husband years (I MEAN YEARS AGO) ago..."Umm, let me explain this to you in terms you can understand, if I'm not satisfied, then my dear you will never be! Got it?" Haven't had that problem since then.....unless I'm feeling generous...lol

0 Replies

Quote:

He proceeded to tell me how another woman would have handled it.

Ohh no he didn't! Girllll........get a wooden spoon out and beat him around the ears! lol

Quote:

'scuse me for saying so, but...

that was hot.

>hehe<

Quote:

I think I mentioned that I tried this, didn't work. None of it. Sorry your great idea has previously been tried and faild. *frown*

Thanks though, MMS

Sorry Oxnelle, I thought it was a sure fire bet, it worked for me...and has usually worked for my girlfriends that come to me with the same issue. I got a sister in law that I educated one evening through a hour or two long discussion. It would have worked for her, but it shocked her husband so badly that the first thing he said afterwards was..."You've been talking to "S" again haven't you?" Shocked

>okie dokie< Twisted Evil

0 Replies

How do you say you don't enjoy the sex anymore?

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know