From what I'm getting from Onyx, it seems that her husband knows exactly what pleasures her---he does it for a while--and then reverts to what pleasures him.
At least in his case, selfish seems like the right word.
Thanks for understanding btw, Onyx.
I wonder if he knows just how serious this issue is.
I agree with Lash's take from what I've read so far -- I don't think it is or has to be anything generally male-bashing or woman-extolling. Some women are bad in bed. Some men are. In Onyxelle's case, it really sounds like she's tried everything reasonable and her man remains bad in bed. That's a problem.
To expand upon Lash's last line, does he understand that this is so serious that you're considering leaving over it, Onyxelle?
Counseling definitely does sound like a good idea at this point... sure hope it helps...
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roger
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Sun 9 Dec, 2007 12:01 pm
I'm sorry this is happening, too. No way am I going to pm for details. Glad you're being tolerant of some of the digressions, Onyxelle. Lash, Monty, and yourself are among the best friends I have on this forum. There are others, of course.
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Montana
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Sun 9 Dec, 2007 12:10 pm
(((((((((Hugs Roger)))))))))
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squinney
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Sun 9 Dec, 2007 12:11 pm
Love the avatar, Onyx!
I agree with "Shiver" - just say it straight.
I agree with Dadpad - say it often.
I agree with Lash and Montana - Say it louder. ( )
And, I agree with seaglass - say it all over the world.
For the sake of you and your little ones, I hope he "hears" you.
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kickycan
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Sun 9 Dec, 2007 12:11 pm
roger wrote:
I'm sorry this is happening, too. No way am I going to pm for details. Glad you're being tolerant of some of the digressions, Onyxelle. Lash, Monty, and yourself are among the best friends I have on this forum. There are others, of course.
btw, VH coming to raleigh in March.... I've already cleared my calendar...
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onyxelle
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Sun 9 Dec, 2007 05:24 pm
Hmm...let me try to get everything...
First..roger - me too dude - best!!!
as to saying it straight - i did that. last night
as to saying it often - done, but in more 'suggestive' and apparently less adhering ways
as to counseling - i sure hope so
as to leaving because of it- his idea, not mine. (his idea based on the LACK of sex, which stems of course, from my lack of desire, which in turn stems from the suckiness of it on my part)
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ehBeth
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Sun 9 Dec, 2007 05:35 pm
onyxelle wrote:
He does it once, sometimes even a few times, but it stops and becomes once again, the lacking sex that I've been experiencing of late. a long time 'of late'. This causes me to not want it, not initiate it...and that of course causes other problems.
When it has been done right, how do you encourage/praise (does this sound a bit like dog-training?) ... do you talk about the good events, during and after? Like, right after and a day and a week after.
~~~
In re your inability to vocalize when things aren't going well, is, hmm, is the room quiet except for Mr. O? Does he need some/any other sound in the room? (I think I'd be put off if I was the only person making any noise)
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onyxelle
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Sun 9 Dec, 2007 05:43 pm
i do encourage and talk about when good stuff happens. it's just that it rarely does.
he does indeed like to have vocalization. but....see previous posts a plenty.
the lack of vocalization isn't affecting the....thing that's missing here. its a physical act he's not doing, even when i'm vocal, it ain't being done.
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Montana
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Sun 9 Dec, 2007 05:47 pm
From a few posts back Ony, it sounds to me like he's turned it around and managed to somehow blame you. Is that how he's going about it?
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dyslexia
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Sun 9 Dec, 2007 05:53 pm
My mother used to (often) tell my father; "sometimes I have to drop a refrigerator on your head just to get your attention."
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Montana
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Sun 9 Dec, 2007 05:56 pm
Head for the fridge Ony!
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makemeshiver33
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Sun 9 Dec, 2007 07:03 pm
I hate what your'e going through Oxynelle, I know its frustrating in more ways than one. I wish there was something someone could say that would help you more.
The only thing I can think of, and I know its uncomfortable for some and I'm sure it will be for you is to work on being more assertive in the bedroom than submissive?
I promise it won't freak him out, and the respone you'll get will probably be more to your liking than not. Unless of course he's one of them airheads that will turn around and wanna know who you've been sleeping with to have learned that?
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aeroz
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Sun 9 Dec, 2007 07:46 pm
I think he's being passive-aggressive; I'd drop him like a rock. Either that or his size is too small.
), I was crazy busy working and I completely lost interest in sex for a while.
