married and started affair with an old flame....

Me either


I cannot use the PM feature either Outaideas.

It's funny I got sucked into this whole message board because I saw you in a very similar situation to mine and thought it would be interesting to talk to you.

I don't want to put my personal email out for everyone to see, so I guess we have to hang around for awhile to be able to talk. Unless anyone has suggestions on how we can connect in private.

I know everyone here has an opinion on this one way or the other. Mostly one way I might add. I appreciate all of them. I'm not going to get into an argument with anyone here. It is not my place to do so. I have not made any decisions about anything. I do not take this lightly at all.

I have been around long enough to have seen the devastation and chaos this kind of thing will cause. I'm not completely ignorant nor completely self-centered.

The fact remains that I am in this situation. And I have to make the decisions for myself taking into consideration everyone involved.

hi jake123,
yes i dont want my personal email on here either. almost 100% of everything you have said here i relate too. i know its not a good thing, but i am glad to have encountered someone who understands what im going thru and am feeling. thanks. i would like to talk with you. i wonder how long you have to be around to use the PM feature? i will try and find out.

cool
cool

Martybarker
Martybarker

I got your pm and was not allowed to reply. I did try.

Thanks for trying to help.

jake123,
i asked about the PM's. there's no real time frame the way it sounds.
view my profile in the next 10.

jake123,
did you get it?

Outaideas,

I'm on and off the computer, so I may not respond right away.
I get the idea.
Check my profile. I'll leave it until I get back from lunch.

jake123,
got it

Re: Me either
I have to agree with you there.

Re: Me either


Yes you have "made decisions about anything". Your wife! Unless you told her that you were going to see old flame w/o her knowledge or blessing - you made a decision that will clearly affect her.



Please explain how your actions are NOT completely self-centered? And what you're really saying here is: 'Based on my life-experience - I fully understand what this will do to my wife and I am seriously considering it anyway.'


WRONG! You and your wife are in this situation!

Frankly Jake - you come across as if 'things just fall into my lap', "I had nothing to do with these events and now I am faced with making this tragic decision all on my own'. Sorry - but I do not feel a bit sorry for you or your situation - or your attempt at sincerity. I'm surprised that your marriage has lasted for 10 years and would not be surprised to learn that your wife is largely responsible for that. You sir should be highly ashamed of yourself.

Thank you for your input.
1) I don't recall asking for any sympathy from anyone.

2) I am ashamed of myself for this. But I don't feel guilty for the love I have for the "other woman"

3) You are correct. I do fully understand what this will do to my wife and I am considering it anyway. Divorce, if not imminent, is highly possible.

4) There hasn't been any honesty in my marriage on my part from the beginning.

5) The only thing that "fell into my lap" was the intense emotional reaction I had from seeing my old friend after all this time.
And actually I did see her that night at the suggestion of my wife. She knows we were still friendly over the years.

Baddog, I respect what you are saying. And it is true: I am certainly messing up my life. I'm messing up life for the woman I married. No one likes to believe they are a bad person. I certainly don't like it, but I guess that is what I am.

I said before, I am not here to argue and I will probably not post on this issue anymore. I know what kind of person this makes me. In retrospect, I take back the comment about not being self-centered because this is self-centered. So be it.

Maybe I should be called baddog. Oh well, I used to have a dog named Jake.

jake123
I don't feel that your circumstances make you a "bad person". It is a shame though that you feel you cannot post on the issue anymore. Some members on this forum pre-judge others quite often and also feel they know it all.

Thanks TTH.

I really signed up for this deal and stuff to lend support to outaideas who started this in the first place.

I saw we are in a similar situation and wanted to offer a different perspective than those she was getting from people who cannot know what it is really like to be in this position.

I am not really bothered by the crap being spewed by people like baddog. I just won't argue with anyone because I am looking at this from all perspectives. It is a troublesome, painful, and frightening experience as well as the joy of re-discovering the love of my soul-mate.

Truth be told, I don't know anyone here, I'll never meet anyone here face to face. So I can be as free as I want to express. But the ultimate goal here for me was to connect with outaideas and we've managed to exchange emails so we can share our experiences and perhaps help guide each other through.

I probably won't disappear from this community, I just don't want to discuss this particular subject anymore. I will judge myself and I will be judged by God that's nobody elses business.

Well, I hope you sort everything out. You have to do what's right for you. It is nice to hear that you will probably stay. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thank you again, TTH. I appreciate your words of encouragement.

I still respect what Baddog and the clown guy have to say as well. There are many perspectives on this type of thing. I am looking at all of them. The world is not black and white. And right and wrong do get blurred sometimes.

I'm looking forward to exploring this community and seeing what areas of life I can contribute to. Hopefully not so controversial and emotionally and morally loaded as this one.

Welcome aboard, Jake :-D

My ex left me after 14 years of marriage for a woman who works within his company. She knew he was married with kids.The way I look at things is that he is with a homewrecker and she is with a liar.
I have to admit, if I were with a married man I would always wonder if he'd stay committed to me since he broke a promise once he'd probably do it again.

My thoughts exactly, Marty.


After almost 9 years of being alone, I still have trust issues from being betrayed in the past.

Okay. This is just weird. Martybarker, you tried to help me connect with outaideas.

It sounds like you were hurt by a guy like me. Yet you tried to help me and another cheater commiserate.

Again. Not looking for sympathy. Not deserving sympathy.

I am in a situation where I am going to cause emotional harm to many people.

And here's Montana and Martybarker, not throwing barbs in my direction. I don't get it.

I must be mis-interperating things. You have been betrayed. You have been hurt. I, therefore, am the proverbial enemy. I'm the guy cheating on his wife. What's the deal?

My deal is that I've made my own mistakes in life, therefor, I see how human we can be. I'm thankful that I learned from my mistakes and I try my very best not to judge others for what they've done or are about to do, unless of course it's someone who is violent. I pull no punches when violence is concerned!

I know the power of those feelings you're having because I'm have the same feelings for a man who has a girlfriend. I know he feels the same as I do, but we won't go there because, at least for me, I couldn't live with the guilt, which would eventually end up destroying the relationship anyway.
If things don't work out for them, he knows where to find me. In the mean time, I just deal with it, but not without my heart breaking all over the place.
I've never wanted anyone like I want him and it tortures me, but I'll continue to keep my distance as long as he's not available.

Anyway, I can't hate you. I don't know you ;-)