married and started affair with an old flame....

Stop it NOW, or start saving for a divorce. You both sound like selfish cruel mean people. What about your partners? Waht about your KIDS? If you want to be married, stay faithful. If you don't want to be married, at least have enough respect for your partners to tell them the truth.

No good will come of this.

Outaideas--

I might be very wrong here, but I suspect you posted here not so much for suggestions for Illicit Nookie Accommodations but to brag about your Mad Passionate Affair.

After all, you can't tell your husband and your girl friends might be disapproving and act on their disapproval. Cheating women make other women nervous.



You're both ok with it and to hell with everyone else?

well your wrong. obviously i cant get advice form friends or family cuz then the cat would be out of the bag. and obviously there are many, many people in the world who are in similar situations. but thanks for your reply.

Wow. Real sophisticated moral reasoning there, I don't think. There are many many people in the world who steal and lie and cheat and hurt people but it doesn't make it OK to do those things.

Wow! How can you talk like it's no big deal? I'm not proud to say that I've been the mistress long ago, but I always felt at least guilty for what I was doing and I was single/no kids. He was the one cheating, but he could have cared less, just like you.

I'll never do that again because I knew, even then, how wrong it was and I was single.

I'm surprised that you're surprised at the responses you've gotten so far!

I think you need to pay closer attention to what life may bring after the cat is freed. I don't have any issues with crying in each other's beer at a bar. In fact, I'm not sure why you had to sneak out to do so. "Whatever happens" happening, however, is another situation altogether.

You've been friends and enjoyed each other's company for 15 years. Why screw with a successful friendship?

JPB makes an interesting point. I'll take it one step further. Why aren't the two of you married?

good question. its complicated. i made some poor choices and settled into my marriage. so he did the same. now we are both stuck where we arent sure we want to be.

So, exactly what are you looking to discover?

discover?? not really sure. we have a agreement you could say. and that is that if either/both of our marriages go sour we have each other. i know it sounds crazy! but i do appreciate you asking me legit questions rather than spewing venom.

outaideas- You two are making sure that your marriages won't succeed. Why don't you cut out the nonsense, just divorce your spouses, and marry each other? I think that you are both being totally unfair to your spouses.

What do you think your spouses & children would be spewing if they knew how committed the two of you are to your marriages & families? :wink:

No need for venom. As baddog1 says, there'll be plenty of that from both home fronts should either spouse hear the cat meowing. Do you honestly think that a relationship with this guy would be what you are looking for? You're both in stagnant relationships. You both have small children. You both see only one side of the other's personality because you aren't living with the other side. This is a pretty complicated situation. My advice is to walk very slowly before you both end up as divorced, single parents.

If you're truly unhappy then do something about it. I hear you looking for an easy way out, but there is no such thing. You're an adult. You have small children. Be an adult and a parent. I think your 'whatever happens happens' attitude will come back to bite you in the butt.

Yup!

outaideas - this is no small thing. I truely feel sorry for your husband and children. Sorry I can't offer "suggestions", jeeze!

I think outaideas is outahere!

ok - so has either of the marriages gone sour?

I've got a deer blind you can rent (just not in season).

So it seems as though Outaideas probably has come to the realization that "Love" is putting another person before themselves... a totally irrational notion that goes against human nature by now... and regardless of her situation, I would like to pose a question.

To those that cheat, why do/did you cheat? What is it about cheating that appeals to you. To be honest, I've been dating my girlfriend for a few years now and this summer she went back to her home country to be with her family. I dont' go out that much because it costs far too much money, time, and effort, but on the two occasions I did go to a social event I was presented with the opportunity to cheat on the woman that I love with someone I had met that night. Please, if you are imagining the circumstances, it was classy. The woman made it clear she had an interest and asked me if I would be willing to drive her home. At the time, I understood what was going on and could only think of one thing. I could imagine the hurt face of my long time girlfriend and I felt so much guilt that I realized, much to my relief, I cared about her deeply enough to never BE ABLE to cheat on her. I didn't feel guilty about putting myself in the situation, because it was a benign circumstance.

Proabably due to the influence of pop-culture and the media, I have come to think this is reaction is probably very strange, but it leads me to wonder why anyone cheats. I can understand lapse in judgment, especially in conjunction with alcohol, but concious disregard for a partner just seems so narcacistic. Can anyone shed some light, barring responses like "cuZ Ch3tin iz teh Funz," on cheating as a whole? I'm sure there are hundreds of reasons people cheat, but is there an undermining element to the psyche, the sub-conscious, or personality that makes people prone to cheating?