Sun 27 Nov, 2005 02:50 pm
I just found out that my husband thinks I am ugly. His way of telling me this is without telling me. He will treat me like total crap and tell me that everything I do is wrong and then when he has no more excuses and nothing he says is making any sence, he tells me that it's because he thinks I am un attractive. I was treated like dirt this entire thanksgiving weekend. He would say really rude comments to me in front of my family whom I haven't seen in a year. He would get drunk every night and pass out somewhere instead of coming to bed with me. Everytime I tried to involve myself in a conversation he would talk over me like I wasn't even there. And when I would ask him what I did wrong and why I was being punished, he told me it was because he though I was annoying, lazy, and ugly. What the hell? This crap he says just comes out of no where and it's like he makes up stories when I ask him to tell me why he thinks these things. I don't know what to do, I am really hurting inside.
From the National Domestic Violence Hotline website at: http://www.ndvh.org/educate/index.html
Does your partner:
Embarrass you with put-downs?
Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
Make all of the decisions?
Tell you that you're a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
Prevent you from working or attending school?
Act like the abuse is no big deal, it's your fault, or even deny doing it?
Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
Force you to try and drop charges?
Threaten to commit suicide?
Threaten to kill you?
If you answered 'yes' to even one of these questions,
you may be in an abusive relationship.
For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
Well the only one that I would say yes to is embarrass me with put-downs. He doesn't hit me though he did slap me across the face recently when I was yelling at him for doing something that had upset me. The put downs are really depressing. I told him that I would rather be hanging out with my friends than be with him because my friends make me feel good about myself and I feel good being with them. My husband insults me and really brings me down. I find this unfortunate because I am always telling him how good the shirt he is wearing looks on him, or that he shouldn't cut his hair because it really makes him look older and it looks really good on him. If a friend of his is insulting me and offending me right in front of me, he will nod his head in agreement and refuse to stand up for me.
I would not put up with that another minute, assuming it all goes down as you describe it. No marriage is worth it
Am I the only one this happens to? Is this really something so out of the ordinary that I really need to go to the extream of divorce? This is my first marraige and we are still newly weds so I am not framiliar in how a proper marriage should work.
Tell your husband I said he's a damn idiot and to be a man and take care of his own problems and stop taking them out on his wife. there's plenty of single men like me ready to take his place whenever he's ready. I'm 5'9" muscular construction worker, tan complected, brown eyes with dark blue edges, Black hair.
He doesn't hit me though he did slap me across the face recently when I was yelling at him for doing something that had upset me.
Do you think slapping you across the face is not hitting?
Trust me, this is no healthy marriage and the sooner you
get out of it the better. Please call the hotline boomerang
has posted for you above. Don't delay, call now!!
You are in a very abusive relationship. Consider yourself lucky that there are no children involved. (Correct?)
End it FAST.
I agree with my compatriots, kitkat_bar. The guy sounds like the poster child for the complete loser club.
Dump the clown. You deserve better.
A lot of people -- from different walks of life and who do not always agree with one another -- are in total agreement on this.
The guy's a loser, you're being abused. Get out now while the gettin's good.
In another topic, you said your money seems to be his. Don't you see how this guy is trying to manipulate you, to hold all the cards? Marriages -- good marriages -- are not like this. Partners may not be 100% equal but no one tries to dominate.
It is wrong. You are being taken advantage of. If my husband told me insulting things about myself, or let others do so without challenging their opinions of me, he would not have been my husband for 13+ years. This guy does not deserve your company.
Please, please, we all urge you -- find a way out of this before a little slap turns into broken bones, before broken bones turn into a broken neck. Since you are questioning this you know, deep down, that this is wrong. Have you spoken to your parents about this? I'd lay down money right now that you haven't, or at least haven't told them the whole truth. Your parents, your friends, people who care about you, I am sure they will tell you the same things we are.
It is not a failure and it does not reflect poorly on you to work to get out of this. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be treated properly. It is not a slam or a bad thing to try to extricate yourself from a bad situation. You deserve better. You really do.
Go. Don't look back. We are here for you. We don't want to see this happen to you any more.
jespah made a very very very good point. People who have posted here with the same advice rarely agree on anything and ll have the same advice.
You are being abused. Get help from anyone you can in your area that helps abused woman. Fortunately, there is lots of support availble no matter where you are.
DO NOT LET THIS GO ON ANOTHER DAY!!!
I don't really have anywhere to go. I don't have any money and my paychecks are a joke. I go to school full-time and work part-time. I barely make anything. My parents dont have the room for me and they are dealing with my little brother and his drug addictions. Plus...my husband works with my father at his corporation. Getting myself into this was easy...getting my self out seems like suicide.
You're young. The best thing to do might be to just pack up and leave. Move to a different city and start a new life. Once you're settled in, contact your parents and tell them you're doing fine.
I agree 100% with the others. If this is a new marriage and he treats you this way, I'm afraid it's just the beginning and it will get worse!
I've been in an abusive relationship, so I know and I can't stand seeing it happen to others as well.
Living with an abuser is a living hell and it is no way for anyone to live.
I left my abuser and father of my son and I never realized how bad it really was until I got away from him and was free from it.
My abuser stripped me of my pride, dignity, and self esteme and I became just an existance for him to slap around.
My life now is wonderful and yours can be too.
Please help yourself and get out of this marriage with your abuser!!! I promise you that you won't regret it!
I say... Take all the money you can and save it up, then move. Getting a divorce costs money... so just save money and up and leave!!!!!
Kitkat: It is absolutely imperative that you get free of this idiot immediately. Pack your bags and go now! No excuses. The next thing he hits you with could be a baseball bat,or worse! Move in with a friend,or move into a shelter for abused women.Call legal aid immediately about an annulment. Set up your own bank account for your paychecks. Do not give your spouse a second thought. Go ! Before It's too late !
I made my last post before I saw yours and I agree that you are in need of money, but those hotlines are great for giving you advice in that area.
Could your parent help you out financially until you get on your feet?
I assume you have no children and that would be a blessing because leaving is much harder when you have kids.
I agree with Linda and the others that you have to find a way to get out!
I am young and I don't really understand fully the meaning of abuse. Him slapping me was his way of retaliating against me for accidentally kicking him in the nether region. We had a huge fight that escalated and we both used each other as a punching bag for a minute or two. But this is not something that happends all the time. Plus we had both been drinking that night. I don't really understand what is normal abuse and what isn't or what kind of abuse would lead to divorce.