No kidding.
Nikki, you clearly don't know who you're talking to. I suggest you find out more about Brooke before you start criticizing her opinions. She's an expert on these matters, and a damn good person to have on your side. There's no point in antagonizing her...unless you just happen to enjoy a good fight. In which case...I'm outta here.
I actually had to chuckle at Nikki's statement about Brooke's [lack] of expertise. While the rest of us 'old-timers' know about Brooke's history and what she has gone through and come out the other side with knowledge and inspiration and much goodness in her heart, it is not Nikki's fault she is also passionate about seeing a crisis and wanting to urge kit-kat to act immediate. I believe we all want the best for kit-kat and are concerned about what we believe may happen.
That being said, we don't really know the entire story. Kit kat mentioned (accidentally) kicking her husband in the balls. Seems to me there is disrespect on both sides of this marriage. We are only hearing one side.
I with the camp who say that this is not normal, this is abusive and I wouldn't recommend putting up with this or continuing in this vein.
If you are unhappy. If you are listening to what people are telling you about this being unacceptable behavior (both you and your husband) then perhaps you should seriously consider leaving ... leaving begins with the planning stage. Thinking about leaving. Making a plan. You need to prepare yourself emotionally and financially to leave. It wasn't until the love of my life slapped me that I ever considered leaving him. That slap made me prepare mentally for the heartbreak I thought I wouldn't be able to bear but I knew I had to do it. By the time I left, I was healthy enough emotionally to calmly watch him as he screamed and shouted and threatened. I walked away. Women do it all the time. Men do it too. He could feel you are abusive to him too!
I don't expect every relationship to be all hearts and flowers every second of every day but there is a line. A line where people need to control their anger, sulkiness, abuse, screaming, threatening, physical violence. I say if you would not take this behavior from a friend, a family member, a stranger, then surely the love of your life, your partner, your husband, should not have the right to treat you less than others do.
Let me re-iterate what Heeven said by saying I would NEVER kick my husband in the balls unless he was trying to hurt me. So, if you are kicking him in the balls, one of two things is going on: 1) you are abusive to him and he acts out because of your abuse or 2) he is abusive to you and you are defending yourself.
Either of these scenarios is wrong and dangerous. And while I don't agree with nikki's tactics, I do agree that kitkat needs to take action. Talk does no good after you've come to the realization that there is a problem.
Good post, Heeven, you spoke for me in that.
Ok...I am a little confused. I don't understand why I deserve what I get. I don't understand what I said in the thread that made any one think that all I wanted was pity. There are a lot of things going on through my head and I need some time to put it all in order. Picking up and leaving this immediate second is a lot easier said than done. I need time to formulate a plan of action. I have responsibilities that cannot just be abandoned. For those of you that have not read my previous threads, no I do not have any children.
As for all the people that are continuing to mention Al-non or AA.... I have said this several times in this thread alone. I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC, I DO NOT LIKE ALCOHOL, I DRANK THAT NIGHT FOR PURELY SOCIAL REASONS, WE PLAYED A DRINKING GAME AND I LOST!!!!
Sorry about the caps but I feel like people are getting the wrong idea about me.
Bella Dea wrote:Let me re-iterate what Heeven said by saying I would NEVER kick my husband in the balls unless he was trying to hurt me. So, if you are kicking him in the balls, one of two things is going on: 1) you are abusive to him and he acts out because of your abuse or 2) he is abusive to you and you are defending yourself.
It was a total accident. I would never kick a guy in the balls unless it was absolutly necissary.
twin_peaks_nikki wrote:justa_babbling_brooke wrote:twin_peaks_nikki wrote:
Just_babbling, what an apropos handle.
No I am definitely not joking. She refuses to get help. She comes here whining and looking for pity. Not help. She is a doormat and her man knows it.
Then you need to stop opening your mouth .....when opening your mouth shows your ignorance.
NO ONE deserves to be abused. Got that?????????
If she refuses to seek help, she deserves what she gets. Plain and simple.
A lot of compassionate people here (you excluded) have put a lot of time, thought and energy to help her and she just ignores us. My suspicion is she is in denial about her subsatnce abuse as well. Otherwise, why wouldn't she pickup the phone and call Al-Anon?
Anyway, babbling, I apologize for the pun on your user name, you are probably a very nice young lady but you obviously lack any expertise in this area. This woman does not need compassion or pity. She need what is called "tough love." She needs to end the denial and get help NOW!
Please forgive me, I am really sorry if I excluded anyone, I didn't mean to ignore anyone at all. It's just hard for me to get on the internet because I never get the chance to. I wish I could thank everyone individually for their generous opinions but it sure would take me a while. I am very thankful that so many of your responded, truly I am. It has opened me up to so many options out there.
And no I am not in denial about being an alcoholic. I don't like alcohol at all, really. I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, and I rarely drink. If you are so convinced that I must have an addiction to something, the only addiction I admit to having is M&M's
Nikki, Brooke's been a great help to people like me who have gone through abuse...(i probably fit into your description of brooke...young and i know little about abuse or abusive behavior).
Kitkat's situation does not seem to be similar to mine....but then if she is in an abusive relationship..she must be pretty traumatized - it doesnt help if you call her a doormat just because she doesnt take your advice the moment you give it.
justa_babbling_brooke wrote:*sighs* You just don't get it, do ya nikki.
Victims often have the false idea that their abuse is deserved. They learn this from the abuser. They are told this to squash their self esteem, in hopes they will never attempt to leave. It makes me want to vomit when I see someone start to reach out for help....and someone, such as yourself, comes along and says to them "You deserve everything you get."
Please educate yourself before making comments such as that.
Leaving an abuser is a "process." Learn about it, before you try to help someone else, please.
PS- Oh, and the "pun" to my user name? No appologies needed. I took it for what it was. :wink: Was hardly worth my commenting on.
All your psycho-babble is worthless if she is unwilling to even pick up the phone and call Al- Anon. So far no one has been able to convince this woman to get help. What are your qualifications BTW LCSW? LMFT?
Kitkat,
Direct question, why won't you pickup the phone and call Al-Anon?
Probably for the same reason that she won't pick up the phone and call Chucky Cheese. Can you accept that just maybe you don't know enough about her situation to insist on one specific course of action? She's gotten some good advice. Now sit back and wait for it to sink in. You can't do it for her.
Kit Kat's been getting good advice at A2K for a year now.
Hopefully, some of it will eventually sink in.
I don't know how long it takes to decide to leave a marriage.
It's definitely a process.
Involves some serious thinking, self-examination. Not easy.
Absolutely not.
But worth it. VERY worth it.
Give her time to process everything.
Gotta say that despite a decent start, and no doubt decent intention, nikki stepped into the brook right over her head, so to speak.
Anyhow, whatever kitkat_bar does is entirely up to kitkat_bar... at least until the cops and the paramedics get involved, and if she doesn't do something on her own, those folks sooner or later - likely sooner - will have some say in the matter.
timberlandko wrote:Gotta say that despite a decent start, and no doubt decent intention, nikki stepped into the brook right over her head, so to speak.
Ain't anything over my head, timber.
What would that be, snoops?
twin_peaks_nikki wrote:
What would that be, snoops?
I admit to about to go to sleep confusion. Back at you tomorrow.l
snuffle...slumph, sluggysluggy, sloop...
ok, I am still here, typing and tired.
What was it you wanted to know?
