I am confused. How many children does she have?
The last paragraph is Clary speaking again, I think.
Yeah, one thing that has become clear fairly recently is that ovulation is FAR less predictable than previously thought, including the possibility of ovulating more than once in a single "cycle."
The rest doesn't really make sense, though. The gf thought she was having her period, so stopped taking pills...? If so, why would it be implantation bleeding -- presumably she would've been taking her pills up until that point, so an implantation shouldn't have happened.
Bill is right though that even when the pill is taken correctly it's not 100% effective.
This "explanation" has my antennae twitching though. Seems like it's the kind of thing that is grammatical and holds together to a certain extent and everything so you're tempted to say "oh I see" but then when examined doesn't make any sense. :-?
That's certainly a hard part of the whole situation, that the gf is such an unknown quanitity. Sounds like it could be equally possible that she's a perfectly nice girl who had something freakish happen or that she's a complete and dangerous flake.
*phew* clary-- hoping things pan out in the best possible way for all parties involved....
OCCOM BILL wrote:((((((Clary))))))
...
Per Clary's wishes; I will not debate the merits or lack thereof of abortion, marriage, or father's right's on this thread. I offer my opinions for her benefit alone.
Thanks, Bill, you saved me from doing just that (sorry, Clary, I was about to digress into the greys mentioned by HotS). I agree with everything else represented by the "..." in Bill's post, but I will add that as one who very well might have been aborted if the option was legally available when I was conceived, married to a man who most certainly would have been aborted if the option was legally available when he was conceived, the parent of two wonderful (planned) children, and successfully running a business whose scope is to save lives, I think there are many grey areas in the abortion debate. I would be interested in having this discussion with HotS elsewhere, but will not do so here.
Clary, it sounds like your son is getting good counsel from you and his brother. Best wishes in whatever he/they decide.
Hi,
So its sounds like the fact that she is actually pregnant is a high possibility. But what about the possibility that it is really his child? Sure its likely, they did have a physical relationship but on only 2 occassions?
Like I've mentioned before, I don't believe that marriage is the end all solution in a case like this but I do believe in establishing paternity and going forward from there. I do agree that it is the biological fathers obligation to be involved with his child both emotionally and financially. I would hate to see a father sending checks to his childs mother and having little contact with his child.
I know... agreed about that mb but maybe the best thing in the circs. Better a loved child with single parent and cheques from absent father than a partially unwanted child in a dysfunctional relationship.
They did seem to be on a romantic high in November but of course one can't say whether it's his child for certain. He doesn't appear to be questioning it really.
I agree with postings above - about her explanation; it explains nothing to me.
Watch this space...
JPB wrote:OCCOM BILL wrote:((((((Clary))))))
...
Per Clary's wishes; I will not debate the merits or lack thereof of abortion, marriage, or father's right's on this thread. I offer my opinions for her benefit alone.
Thanks, Bill, you saved me from doing just that (sorry, Clary, I was about to digress into the greys mentioned by HotS). I agree with everything else represented by the "..." in Bill's post, but I will add that as one who very well might have been aborted if the option was legally available when I was conceived, married to a man who most certainly would have been aborted if the option was legally available when he was conceived, the parent of two wonderful (planned) children, and successfully running a business whose scope is to save lives, I think there are many grey areas in the abortion debate. I would be interested in having this discussion with HotS elsewhere, but will not do so here.
Clary, it sounds like your son is getting good counsel from you and his brother. Best wishes in whatever he/they decide.
thanks for posting JPB. my interest is piqued, and i would most certainly like to hear your POV in toto. please let me know if you want to start a thread..
good pt, bill. sorry for seeming to soap box sermonize. this went from clary's situation at hand, to "my fav topic"...apologies.
((and, jazz -- you help steady my rocking boat, sweetie, so thank you, thank you, thank you.))
Quote:Hmm yes, well they met in the summer (she's American - does that count as foreign?!), had a week together, then another week in early Nov - it certainly DOES seem too early to know for sure.
Something doesn't add up here. I hope I'm not sounding to skeptical. But didn't she mention that she is about 6 weeks?
I think there is something weird like they date it from the last day of your last period rather than when fertilization actually occurred.
Yeah, just checked, and had to do it in a roundabout way but 40 weeks was from date of last period to due date, not conception to due date.
http://www.intmed.mcw.edu/clincalc/pregnancy.html
Not that there isn't plenty that doesn't seem to add up.
He keeps having 3 hour phone conversations with her during which she alternates between sweetly reasonable to threatening and abusive, and his sense of obligation and whatever remained of romantic love have completely evaporated. She has called him an evil and abusive person while at the same time imploring him to set up home with her.
It is touch and go whether she goes to the doctor and takes the abortive pill but I am now very much in favour of her doing so, I can't imagine what sort of a mother she'd be...
sozobe wrote:I think there is something weird like they date it from the last day of your last period rather than when fertilization actually occurred.
Yuppers...that they do.
I was totally confused as to why they dated me the way they did.
Still, 6 weeks would mean that they had to have had sex 4 weeks ago, if she were 6 weeks pregnant today.
Clary wrote:He keeps having 3 hour phone conversations with her during which she alternates between sweetly reasonable to threatening and abusive, and his sense of obligation and whatever remained of romantic love have completely evaporated. She has called him an evil and abusive person while at the same time imploring him to set up home with her.
It is touch and go whether she goes to the doctor and takes the abortive pill but I am now very much in favour of her doing so, I can't imagine what sort of a mother she'd be...
Oooh, how difficult.
At least it's early enough that she has real options there. I know someone who was in denial about it until her 3rd month, and then her options were limited.
But as we all know and keep saying, it's ultimately her decision. And I can't imagine that someone would be at her best in this sort of a situation -- unless she really did plot to make it happen (which is possible but I doubt), this has to be a hugely stressful and emotional thing for her.
When did/ will she visit again? I thought it was this (now past) weekend for some reason, not sure where I got that idea though. Sounds like she hasn't visited in person yet?
clary -- if she is even remotely inclined towards using the pregnancy as a way to negotiate a romantic relationship with your son, god forbid what she will do once the baby has arrived.
a dear friend of mine dated this woman, he got along wonderfully with. in abt 3 weeks of being together, she started driving the marriage agenda really hard. he sat her down, had long hard explicit conversations with her, explaining his position, his recent bitter divorce, the fact that they are both over 40 and have to take things slow. after a lot of acrimonious back and forth, the girl finally stopped calling him, or seeing him. a year later, she called him and told him that she had had his baby, a little boy. it's a bitter sweet situation for my friend. on the one hand, he has a little boy. on the other, he can never trust the mother of his child. and while he has stepped up to pay for child support, moved the boy and his mother to his town, she still wants marriage, and is now using his son as the barter.
Clary wrote:He keeps having 3 hour phone conversations with her during which she alternates between sweetly reasonable to threatening and abusive.
Hi Clary
Uh-oh. She sounds scatterbrained, histrionic & unpredictable & perhaps gets defensive (threatening?) & abusive when he doesnt cave in to what she wants. Perhaps her hormones are taking over somewhat, which doesnt help your son, sadly. Having said that, perhaps she should be made aware that potentially there are consequences to her verbally abusive behaviour? (eg: your son could suggest that he'll withdraw from the conversation until she calms down if she starts getting abusive/unreasonable ... just a thought)
I hope he is able to keep perspective in their phone calls, stay calm and not let her push him around but I also hope that, if this child is born, he/she isn't reduced to a bargaining chip.
Yeah, that's difficult. Echoing Soz. She just sounds scared: but at least the options are still there.
Hoping for the best, whatever that may be.
Been reading along Clary, and pulling for you and your son.
I'm confused about this 6 week business also..
Bella, what do you mean about having sex 4 weeks ago, and being 6 weeks pregnant? I think I missed something you and soz said, and also the dates of the sexual encounters. I think I need a scorecard.
Like others, I'm skeptical still about her even being pregnant. I'd ask to see the official report, signed by the doctor.
Also, skeptical, even more so, about the paternity.
I just get the feeling she's trying to entrap someone, maybe even anyone.
What do you know about her background and her family? I mean, they might be regulars on the Jerry Springer show.
What Bella and I were talking about is the weird way pregnancies are "dated."
For example, your period ends January 1st. You have sex, sperm meets egg, egg likes sperm, and conception occurs on January 15th.
Now, you'd think that in terms of medical whatnots January 15th would be the important date, right? That on February 12th, 4 weeks after conception, the medical types would say to the woman "you're 4 weeks pregnant," right?
But no... they say "you're 6 weeks pregnant." Because for some reason it's dated not from conception but from your last period.
Something about how periods are knowable and conception times aren't.
So what Clary's son's gf is saying there makes sense, even if the rest of it is iffy.
ooooooo.....I gotcha...
still, I'm staying tuned, and keeping my fingers crossed.
Is it dated from the last day of your last period, or the first day? I thought it was the first day.
Regardless, if son of Clary and gf were together the first week of Nov and she was mid-cycle/fertile that would mean she would be six weeks pregnant in early December.
