Son's girlfriend pregnant... obligations?

Just out of curiosity... seems a little weird she already knows she is pg after being together only 3 weeks??? Have you been to the doctors to confirm the test results? Or are you going on her word?

Well, first, he's 24. Way old enough to handle this on his own, but he's obviously told you about the situation. What we don't know is if he has asked for your advice and input. If he hasn't, shut up, other than offering your emotional support.

What does your son expect from you in this situation?

Joe(Get a lawyer. Kiss. Talk. Yes. But get a lawyer)Nation

.and is she certain that it's his?

(cynical, me)

Folks, we know they were together for three weeks doing what 24 year old people do with each other, we don't know how long ago that was.

This could be all kinds of things: she could be a scam artist. She could be a bimbo who can't count birthcontrol pills. She could be a very lovely young woman in a very difficult situation.

We do know they are two grown-ups.

Joe(we don't have enough clues)Nation

I'm curious what these careful precautions were that he took, while feeling she was a bit cavelier about taking the pill regularly.

Pretty obvious he didn't use a condom. I'd be concerned about that too. Unprotected sex has a lot more potential for problems than just an unexpected fetus.

Here's a webpage with FAQs similar to what you are asking about international enforcement of paternity orders:

http://travel.state.gov/law/info/info_608.html

Have her take a pregnancy test when she visits.
If he realised she was cavalier about pill taking then I hope he DID use a condom.

Seems harsh but my immediate feeling is that she sounds like a loony, expecting a commitment from him.
Is she foreign?

I think need to buy your son condoms and a DNA test for Xmas.

A similar thing happened to a young man who was working for me. He dated a girl for 4 months, she said she was on the pill, and suddenly she was pregnant. She had previously made it very clear to a number of people that she wanted to get married and have a child, and we all felt she found herself a sperm donor. The young man did not feel the same the way about her. However, for the next 21 years a good chunk of his salary is being sent to this girl who he rarely sees and sadly has little contact with the child (it is his). He is very angry about being tricked and she is a single struggling mother. The whole thing is tragic.

I hope your son will tell this girl that he will not commit to her, even if he agrees to act as father to the child. Maybe it will wake her up a little and if she's not pregnant she will be more careful in the future, and if she is maybe she should consider adoption- or at worse abortion.

The male contraceptive pill will be a great step forward for the reproductive freedom of men.

Right now men don't have many choice (or rights) when it comes to reproduction.

It's hard for me to belive it's his too.

Unless she was ovulating the first week they were together and they had unprotected sex, it's probably not his.

It takes 6-12 days after conception for any hcg to begin being produced (to get a positive result) and even after that, it sometimes takes a few days for a HPT to show positive.

I'd definitly ask for a paternity test before he admits to being the father or taking any responsibility for this.

It COULD happen...but it doesn't seem likely.

Hmm yes, well they met in the summer (she's American - does that count as foreign?!), had a week together, then another week in early Nov - it certainly DOES seem too early to know for sure.

Green Witch's comments are very a propos - and it could end that way. I don't know her well enough to say whether she's using him as a sperm donor but it certainly could be like that. He's a good stud!

As for condoms, pills etc. - he was using condoms until she assured him she was on the pill. Trusting type perhaps. But his brother feels he also gets himself into slightly risky situations and he has certainly had a lot of action on the girl scene. I agree he's old enough to know better, and old enough to run his own life - but I was the first person he called, and I want to support him. Happy to butt out if he wants me to, of course. I am supposed by my offspring to be wise, or so they say!

Basically what I've said is, be very clear about what you want/don't want. Make sure she knows this. Allow her to make her own decision, and support her at a distance. I want him to come out of this feeling good about his behaviour - not being angry and resentful, nor giving in to her demands. He is not looking forward to her coming over next weekend and 'talking about it' - hates being forced into making decisions that upset people, a bit of a coward really. I've offered to be there IF he wants me to, to see fair play. But hoping I don't have to.

Interesting the legal side of things, though. Seems really harsh that a woman can con a man into sperm-doning and then get paid off forever.

I'm questioning the sloppy pill taking resulting in a pregnancy.. but the pills have changed since my acquaintance with them, re levels of hormones that would be circulating if you skipped a day. Some of the more up to date a2kers may have more info on the likelihood of one day's skipping being a problem, given regular pill taking otherwise.

Ah, that's a fair point. So either it's a phantom or a trick!?

I don't know, Clary. I know some of the pills are a lot lower in hormone concentration now than, say, back in the seventies. And she may be sloppier about it all than just missing one day one time. And he was not smart enough to use other protection once he heard the word 'pills'.

Given she had ovulated, sure, it only takes one time to have a successful conception/implantation. Early November, now December - you could probably tell with a test by then.

She may just be ignorant and scared, or a real user.

One missed pill -- extremely unlikely (but possible).

Two missed pills -- somewhat possible.

Three and up -- very possible.

(That's off the top of my head as someone who's been on the pill for something like 20 years with, just a ~3 year break for kiddo and who has forgotten enough pills to have freaked out many a time, but worked out each time.)

Can paternity be confirmed before there is a baby? I don't think so, makes things a lot thornier.

It sounds like your advice to your son is good, Clary. What a situation, yikes!

I think Soz is right about the pill, as far as missing one day= extremely unlikely, and so on. But I also think (correct me if I'm wrong, Soz) that if you miss pills here and there frequently, it's overall less dependable. I know that the more you miss, the longer you're supposed to wait before depending on them as your only birth control again; I wonder if she paid attention to that part or not?

My guess is she took them, but was jetlagged after her flight from Montana to London so could have got timing wrong.

I think you're right about that, yep.

OK, I better go look up some actual info...

My package insert just says "the more pills you miss, the more likely you are to get pregnant."

Then it talks about what to do if you miss one (take two the next day, don't worry about it) or two (more complicated, definitely use backup) or three (bad news, start over, definitely use backup). It doesn't say anything about if you miss one or two a few times during the cycle. Can't be good, though.

I had that same thought, but no back up for it, that say, if you missed two a few days apart while using a low level pill..

All will undoubtedly be revealed if and when she goes to a doctor - which she is going to do before jetting over here.

Inclined to think she's just scatty, not evil, but it doesn't make the situation any easier!

Thanks for all the comments - and I've sent that link about paternity across national boundaries to the father-to-be.