Dear Diary,
This old friend found me thanks to A2K! More than a year ago I mentioned his name in a post about why I had been to Fargo, N.D. Now he did a google search on his name and found this post. That brought him to my profile and the link to my pictures. Thanks A2K!
And next Tuesday I will go out to dinner with two other people that I used to work with and whom I haven't seen for about two years.
According to an e-mail alert, Husker has posted here today. I keep getting the "No posts exist" for page 105, which is clearly listed after page 104. Sorry Husker. Gee, this really is such a fun site, isn't it? Sigh.
Dear Diary
Had wine, bread, cheese, and lots of other goodies with Blatham, Lola, and Joe Nation...at Lola and Blatham's great New York apartment last night.
It was fun beating up on all the people who weren't there. (Just kidding, we had very nice things to say about everyone...excepting of course........).
Anyway...the city was gorgeous yesterday...and my very long walk was especially relaxing.
I LOVE THE WORLD TODAY!
Frank, your "I LOVE THE WORLD TODAY!" gave me a little boost....I guess, sometimes, we need to hear someone say it out loud...well, A2K is out loud to me.
Hey Fellas! and Ladies!! Cheers
Greetings to YOU, husker! Keep getting better!
TRIP NORTH
Recently, B and I took a bus trip through the N/NW states. The bus service was local, the people gracious, the comfortable coach, and the weather cooperated. The following is the first installment of notes:
In the dim light of early morning, our Leisure Time coach eased away from the intersection that is named Emerson, GA. At the time, 15 days seemed a long period to be away from our bed and bathroom. As the days rolled by, we grew to enjoy our experience and the group on our coach.
The first night we stayed at Effingham, IL. It had been an endless day with many stops for potty breaks. Seniors are like young children; they have to pee every hour or so.
On day two, we visited the Rockome Gardens in Arcola, IL. The fences, seats and assorted small buildings were literally built from rock. The Amish tended the gardens as we lingered, being careful to avoid entrapping them in a photo. Amish watchers would not be surprised that the Gardens and rock buildings lay claim to a piece of land some distant from town.
Dear Diary
The workers are supposed to be finishing up the remodeling on my "finca" this week though there are still many details to resolve. One is the deck which is not a Colombian concept. They put the boards too close together like they were laying flooring so they have to cut the spaces wider. That should be a trick with the boards in place! Also the architect had the bright idea to have the boards cut at a forty-five degree bevel so that from most angles you wouldn't see the spaces. Also great for trapping debris and rotting the boards. Some times I feel like I'm in a country not accustomed to cars and I go to the station and say I need four new tires and they give me four different sizes. Well it's been stupid not being able to go to the house when the workers are there. Everyone from my wife to the architect agreed it's best they don't see me. I thought this was pretty exaggerated until a news story came out last week about a Palestinian sugarcane tycoon who happens to live down the road. Seems a boyfriend of the maid got the idea of kidnapping him and selling him to the FARC. Four guys with pistols showed up at his house at eight am and tried to hustle him out. His wife upstairs heard the noise and came down with a pistol in one hand and a submachine gun (really!) in the other and started blasting over their heads. That unnerved them and they took off. Fortunately the police caught all four of them as they were escaping down the mountain in their car. Sheesh! So I guess I have to enroll my wife in Machine Gun School.
I went up to Bogota the other day to apply for a new passport. The old one doesn't run out for a couple of months yet but I have to get a new Colombian visa this month and want it glued in the new passport. I had at few hours to kill before my return flight so went to the botanical garden, the only place I like in Bogota and there I was able to identify the giant fern which is prolific on my finca. It's Cyathea carasana and locally called Palma Boba. I've learned to look up at the canopy before grabbing a trunk when walking through the forest because that one has small but unpleasant thorns. And speaking of botanical gardens one is about to open in Cali. It's on the edge of town near the zoo and consists of dry tropical forest. I hope to scout it out soon.
Ok well now back to leafing through "Small Arms Magazine".
Hello there, Mapleleaf. That sounds like a very interesting trip. I am looking forward to reading more!
And Pitter - yes, Machine Gun School sounds pretty good to me! Take care!
INSTALLMENT TWO
After the Gardens, we ventured into town to visit the Raggedy Ann and Andy Museum. Americans are accustomed to claim Ann and Andy as their own; alas, the world also has joint ownership. Ann and Andy could be seen in all types of costumes. There was a large display of Japanese Ann and Andy dolls.
Afterwards, we ate at a local Amish restaurant. If you find a REAL one, the food will be fresh cooked and the prices normally on the low end. By the way, if you come across an Amish restaurant open on Sunday, it is not Amish.
NEXT: The House on the Rock
Mapleleaf I didn't know the Amish even had restaurants. But sounds great.
Pitter, I need to check on that. The Amish often work in conjunction with members of similar orders who are not restricted by the rules of their order. The Mennonites frequently are part of such arrangements. For example, an Amish I met in Indiana was driven to work in a nearby community by a Mennonite. Interesting enough, the Amish male was the supervisor of a building project.
The Amish live in independent orders with their own religious leader. The leader determines the standards (rules). I find most Americans try to view them as one lump group. This is further complicated by the presence of German Baptists, Mennonite orders and others who often dress in similar fashion.
I have visited groups in Illinois, Indiana, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Whereas I have great respect for them, I recognize that I wouldn't be comfortable sharing their culture.
Aha, I found the Dear Diary thread again. Since I only post sporadically, I tend to lose some of my favorite threads.
Dys and I have purchased an RV and plan to drive to Tucson for Christmas, taking my brother from Denver with us to see my brother in Tucson. It will be the first time we three have been together in almost twenty years. This will mean so much to me, since they both are not in good health.
In years past, I would make separate trips to see them, as my ex-husband wasn't cooperative in letting them come to Connecticut for the holidays. Thankfully, that will never happen again.
It is good to see familiar faces. Mapleleaf, your trip sounds great. Pitter, I continue to be amazed at your life in Cali. Hi to all the other friends on Dear Diary.
Do you two ever stop travelling, Diane?! I'm jealous.
Enjoy your reunion!
They have to keep travelling - Dys refuses to pay the rent!
Mapleleaf I'm guessing that the level of behavior control among those societies is pretty high. However I remember reading some time back about a problem of drug use by Amish youth. Who'd a thunk it!? A friend of mine has just moved to an area in northern Missouri with a good sized Amish population. He really enjoys the ambience. Have a safe and enjoyable trip.
Hi Diane! An RV?! Have a safe trip and a great time with your family. Sounds very good to me!
Margo - you were not supposed to tell everyone that, were you?! :-)
Dear Diary,
So now the business year is over for me. Tomorrow is my first vacation day and I will not go back to the office until January 10. Yeah!
It is cold outside and we still have a lot of snow. It does feel Christmassy. Of course, it is supposed to start raining this night or tomorrow and the snow will most likely be gone for Christmas.
Is is already time to look back at the year? Not so many days left... Oh, I don't feel like it yet. I saw one of these looking back at 2004 shows on TV the other day and it left me completely depressed and even crying a bit. So many terrible things happened and most of it was caused by mankind. No, I don't want to think about that now. I guess I'll rather go to bed...
Good night...
<moved from the WMYST thread>
I am not smiling. Well, I havent been smiling in days, mostly just walking around in confused little circles, but today has sucked to an incredulous degree.
This morning I called the err, LIMH, to doublecheck if my therapist, whom I have normally weekly appointments with but who I havent seen in four weeks now, is still sick. She is. Her boss broke the message: she will remain sick, long-term (no answer on my Q if it's something serious - I suspect overworked/burn-out). Poor her - she's a very good woman. But poor me, too. "Months rather than weeks" it will last - and, boss added, considering she was going into retirement in July (that much I knew), and she has a lot of holidays outstanding, she might not return at all anymore. Never.
She's worked with me for a year and a half or so now. We were in the middle of something - just our last session, some important stuff had come up, stuff I have been (unsuccessfully) grappling with since. After that I had an extra emergency appointment with her, that she missed, and the Monday after when I returned for my regular appointment she turned out to be sick (they'd left a message on my voicemail but I didnt dare to listen to my voicemail back then), and thats how I ended at the crisis centre that day. Havent seen anyone since.
I was afraid, too, because she also had to ask an extension for me until she'd retire in July, b/c new budget-cutting government rules stipulate that formally, you can't be in therapy for more than a year anymore (or I s'pose, if you have the money, you'd have to find a new, private-based therapist and start again, but paying everything yourself). Boss said they will now see if they can find some replacement therapist for me, unclear when, who or for how long.
I'm kind of lost. I'm starting to make less sense again. I feel - abandoned. And panicked. She helped hammer in some sanity whenever I was losing myself in thought circles. I don't dare to talk about stuff with others, to burden them. And she knew me, and gave wise advice. Where to even begin, with someone else? And I had someone else before her - just like A. had a second therapist, after her first one got promoted - with whom nothing worked, and for months things just got worse. If that happens again now I don't know. I don't know now.
Then, in the afternoon, my boss came up. Now the story here is that, due to the ministry cutting all subsidies, our organisation was to cease to exist, altogether - all 25 or so of us out on the street. Then a modicum of replacement money was found, and I got a clear choice. Either the European funding would come through as well, and I'd have to remain in my current place, doing European work. If not, I'd have to be moved to another job I could still do - straightforward job as web editor for the national organisation. That would have been a step back, formally speaking (career-wise bla-bla), and it would be a day less in the week, so very tight re: money. But the more I'd thought about it, the more I was hoping (for myself, at least, if not of course for my "European" colleagues) that it would happen. Finally, a straightforward job again. Something simple and concrete. A clear-cut job on a tangible product all of your own making, that you could be proud of without venturing into endless overtime. No more European meetings to go to with my boss abroad to "network", no more endless meetings, period, nor networking nor writing of funding applications or building of castles in the sky in trendy terminology and trying to persuade reluctant partners of things you don't necessarily quite see happening yourself either. Just writing short web articles and putting together the magazine. Great.
Plus: different boss! I'd get the woman boss, the nice one - not ... him. Finally I would be able to collect myself again. Gain a balance again a bit, work in a harmonious group at that, refuel myself with overseeable daily list item achievements. Even the day less a week work, though financially problematic, seemed like just the ticket back to sanity. Especially since in my current state I just don't see myself doing job interviews - let alone being accepted anywhere.
Alas, my boss had good news. Although the proper European funding was rejected and my "European" colleagues will thus be fired in any case, he'd cobbled together this and that bit, rewritten the budgets, made some arrangements, and ensured that one person at least could be left on "Europe" for the rest of the year. We are now three-four; I would be the only one left - and work right alongside him instead of in the little office we'd created for ourselves upstairs. And if money would run out after all later in the year, a real possibility, there was another back-up job: writing funding applications and project set-ups for external partners.
I smiled and felt as if the ground collapsed from underneath my feet. There's no polite rebuttal here either - its not like I can claim the original back-up job after all. Its been made very clear that that is not the intention, and would not be appreciated (let alone granted).
Still smarting and trying to recalibrate, I took a break, did some smaller tasks and at the end of the afternoon fled to A2K, where I just spent time arguing with petty conservatives. When I dragged myself home it was about nine. I decided that this was the time to call my friend Y. I havent called her since mid-November, and had even stopped sending SMS's some time in December, basically when I stopped communicating with pretty much anyone outside. I feel very guilty about her though, since that time in mid-November, I didnt get to see her because ... she had a baby! The baby came unexpected and a little early - and on the day I'd gone to her town to see her. Thats why I kept exchanging SMS's still after that, checking up every two, then four days, how things were going (she preferred SMS, right then in the hectic of it all, too). But I hadnt dared call her anymore since, because she would have deserved grown-up attention, and I was just a scurrying mess whenever just at home. And I wasn't calling anyone, for that matter (apart from A.).
So I called her tonight. She was brief, baby needed bathing, sleep, call later? Fine with me. Two hours later, she's on the phone again, asking - in indignant jest, I assumed - had we ever slept with each other? Cause thats what her boyfriend (whom I thought to have become ex-boyfriend shortly after the babygirl's birth - they'd been serially on and off for a year or two, three) claimed. I laughed heartily at the suggestion, giggled "no offense" at my laughing at the mere idea, and she smiled grimly, well no, see, I didnt think so either. Only to follow up with, "you'd better tell him then, cause he thinks we did". Turned out the phone was (I assume) on speaker set, or in any case he was in the background - and presently at the phone.
So I talked with him. But what could I say? I mean, of all my friends (most all of whom have been female), Y. is one - nothing to her detriment, but - there has never been any sexual tension with whatsoever. Nothing. But try telling a jealous boyfriend that, "really, nothing happened" without sounding like a total fake. And especially me, I sound like a total fake to myself because in a previous life, back when I was with the ex before A., I have lied about such stuff - not about anything with Y., of course, but about not sleeping with a girl I had slept with. But this time it was true, though. The whole notion was just surreal.
And aw, f**k - the whole thought of how it must be, there in that room, with them two, all of it - the clashes, the madness, the reproaches and illogic - and a new-born baby, for Christ's sake. It must be like the very worst A. and I have ever been (in) - but then with a two-month old baby thrown in the mix. Poor kid. Poor Y. Jesus.
Then A. called up - with whom I'd had words earlier this week, but whom I now of course greeted in great relief, telling her I was so glad it was her, because, etc ... Bad idea. Now she was all upset, not letting on about what she thought of it all but turning icecold and pretty bitchy instantly. I hung up before we got the chance to get into a fight (again).
Goddammit.
Hey nimh,
I know Dear Diary is kind of don't mind me, into the ether sort of thing, but can't let that one go by without commenting. First, you've got my email, feel free to use it, really.
Second, so sorry that everything is crashing down all at once. Ain't fair.
