Pitter, I am at loss for words about your story. I do hope your friend will be ok and you will find a safe place to live that you also really like.
Dear Diary,
I enjoyed another long weekend taking Friday off for our wedding anniversary. And today is a holiday. Very nice! We have great weather, hot, sunny and then rain and thunderstorms. I love it. Went Rollerblading yesterday around noon with Susan. It was so hot! When we got back to the car we could hear the thunder rolling. So I put the car in the public garage just in case and walked home through the rain.
Friday of course was a wonderful day that we spent at the Lake Constance. And dinner at Adler in Ratshausen! A real delight as every time!
Saturday we went to Katja and Brian's for Katja's birthday party. She turned 25. Oh boy! And they signed the contract for the house the want to buy. How scary ;-)
Last night I had dinner and long talks with Maria and Petra. So tonight I will stay home and try to get used to the thought that I will have to work again tomorrow. But then it's already Tuesday. And I want to see the fireworks they are having at the spring festival Wednesday night. Go to the big factory outlet on Thursday after work. Go to the 'Arena of Sound' festival in Stuttgart on Saturday. Maybe donate blood on Wednesday also. Looks like a busy week again :-)
Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
Much has happened since my last post. My "kidnapped" friend Richard turns out to be a fraud albeit one who may suffer from alsheimers. A few days ago a young man named Mauricio came by Richard's apartment to leave him a bill. Richard has been staying at the home of his girlfriend at the insistence of the Gaula (the special anti-kidnapping police unit) for fear the "attackers/kidnappers" might return. The apartment complex porter wrote down and reported to the Gaula the plates of Mauricio's car. Mauricio is a young man whom I've met who is manager of a marriage agency in Cali where Richard stayed for a month when he first arrived in Colombia. It turns out that on both occaisions when Richard went missing, first the attack when he was driven around all day in a car with three thugs who tried to access his debit card account and stole his passport and other belongings and a week later when he was kidnapped and held for several days and apparently given scopolomine but freed with all the belongings that had been stolen in the first attack, Richard was in fact holed up at the agency reading a book. He seems to have been suffering doubts about his near future marriage to Sandra with whom he lives and wanted to hide out for a while. He also seems to have money worries and owes for his apartment, utilities and me who spotted him $250 when his debit card pin went bad. Making this up for his girlfriend is one thing but we've been confidants and I can't imagine why he couldn't tell me the truth. After all my wife and I went seeking a new home in a different city because his address book with my gringo name and address was supposed to be among the stolen items. A time consuming and expensive adventure. As to the part about being drugged however it must be said that he never stated he was drugged, only that he didn't remember anything. We all assumed, this being Colombia that it was "burundanga" (a knock-out drug). At the insistence of the Gaula he was tested to see exactly what if any drug had been administered to him and those results will be available next week. This has not been a simple matter of lying to his girlfriend, me and others. Richard, to keep up the ploy filed a police report with the fiscalia. He also applied for a new passport, after all the original was stolen right? When he went missing the second time an agent from the US embassy came down from Bogota and interviewed me, Sandra and others then turned everything over to FBI agents here. I imagine he stands a good chance of being deported for fraud.
I am glad Richard is safe and I hope he finds the where with all to pay me back. What I'm really sad about is that my wife of four months packed her bags in a rage and went home to mama after we had a fight this morning. What was the fight about? Well yesterday she went to visit family in the morning and said she'd return in the afternoon. I began waiting for her around five which is usually what she means by "afternoon" and she showed up after seven in the evening. I was very angry that she hadn't picked up the phone and said "hon I won't be home for a couple more hours". She said doing that was completely unnecessary and that my anger was an "estupidez". The argument ensued, the voices raised and now she's gone. I have much to mull over and will report back in a bit.
Pit, I'm telling you, put it in a book and make a movie.
Dear Diary,
Bitter sweet days have flavored our visit to the grandson. We arrived on 10:30 AM Friday; then, at 4:30 PM, we received word of my sister-in-law's death. Surrounded by family, my wife manned the phone for the next few days. The grandson aggressively demanding attention, the younger adults and visiting niece, preparing for the Harry Potter midnight party, a sad time amid happy moments. All of this could repeat itself within days, as a 40+ aged relative suffers his second gramma knife brain surgery on Monday. This being the likely end of his four year struggle with cancer.
Moments like this define family. The cycle of life repeats itself. Bitter sweet days are with us.
{{{{{{{{Mapleleaf}}}}}}}}
Mapleleaf, I'm so sorry. Sounds like difficult days ahead.
Maple
You have my prayers!
Your thoughts are appreciated, but I have learned there can be great meaning in such times. During my Mother's last three months, we enjoyed, perhaps, our best communications.
Dear Diary,
The past couple of days have been rough. I've had serious concerns about the staying power of my company. For quite some time I've been speculating that it won't be around ten years from now. We all knew it was just a matter of time before layoffs started happening at the management level; they came yesterday. Two managers were cut from our store; both knew it was coming. The rest of us are being reassigned to make up for the cuts. I spent almost an hour on the phone with one of my employees this afternoon trying to explain to her what was going on. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of information to give. "I don't know if I'll still be your boss. Yes, you can expect your schedule to change." When? "I don't know." I'm worn out from saying "I don't know." I've always been the one with all the answers and it's killing me to be unable to supply any right now. A close friend lost her job thirty-six hours ago and I'm the one elected to replace her.
I called my best friend this afternoon in the hope that she'd supply a much needed shoulder to cry on and ended up rolling my eyes every time she spoke. Apparently the fact that she has to work the fourth of July because she didn't have the stones to ask for the day off is the biggest crisis in the world right now.
J. is leaving for Ohio on Saturday morning. She dropped her cat off with me this evening. My cats are a bit freaked out because they can smell her in the house. Hopefully, if I keep them separated from her for a while I can avoid any fighting between them. She's hiding under my bed; she's been there for about five hours now. I'm hoping she'll eventually eat something but I'm worried that she won't.
Dear Diary,
It has been a long time. The last two weekends were very busy. And during the week the weather was so great that I just could not sit in front of the computer.
I visited my friend Nicole for a weekend. It was good to see that she is doing ok. Her boyfriend is a nice guy, it seems and they look well together. So I feel a lot better for her now.
Last weekend, we went to the big heavy metal open air festival in our town. Oh boy! 20,000 people in black and with long hair invading little Balingen. We were lucky and had backstage passes so we could sit in the shade, relax and drink as much water as possible. It was a very fun weekend.
Tonight I will go out for dinner with a couple of ex-colleagues.
Tomorrow we will try a new gym and another one next week. The weather forecast is for more rain so no rollerblading and I need to move!
And I very much hope for a nice and quiet weekend. We will see...
The page numbers don't seem to be working.
Maybe an empty post here will fix it, and kick things over to the next page okay.
-----
Yup, that fixed it. Our forum software seems to ignore the last page
if it only has one post on it.
.
Dear Diary,
You might want to just scroll down, especially if you've
been divorced. Most people would just cringe and walk away.
If this rant is annoying or really weenie, please send me a PM.
I need clues, badly. Please.
TWO YEARS TOGETHER
We love each other but today she broke up with me.
She doesn't realize it and won't acknowledge it, but
that's what she did. She accused me of so many things.
NO EXCUSES, NO BLAME
She accused me of lying, of planning to live together
when I knew all along that it wouldn't work.
I knew that it would(!) if we were there for each other.
I would be there with everything I have. I was and I am.
We lived together for a few months, in a beautiful
chalet in the mountains, tall ceilings, soaring music
and the wonderful snow. We put so much into it!
So much. I tried. I was there. I was.
But it never amounted to more than 10% for me. It was
her house. She never had the space for both of us. So
she blames me, over and over, of lying. That I said it
would happen and it didn't. After all that work it was me!
How can either of us trust again?
It's so easy to blame. It's makes one feel right and good.
But instead of denying it, justifying and proving myself
I simply said let's be honest. "There was no space for me.
I love you, you love me, but there was no space for us to be
ourselves together. You still need to find yourself, as who
you really are. And I need space for me to live. You need
to live as yourself, for the first time ever in your life since
your divorce. It's okay. I know how it is. It's alright."
Let's work with it and just share. Because we love.
HONESTY TAKES WORK
Let's not lie, especially to ourselves.
Let's have courage and honesty.
Some people need an excuse, you know? To rationalize what
they do. In the blaming mood they need to blame some other
person. I don't mind. It's natural. I do it too. I can see it as it
happens, but let's not believe it and live it out!
There is no blame in the world, not actually. We are what we are.
She and I love each other, but there was no space for us both,
that's all. Nobody needs to be attacked. Nobody needs to feel
bad. It is what it is, that's all. We need our own place.
I offer her everything, 24 hours a day, everything I have,
everything I love, every constructive positive thing that
I can aim for and build in life. Every ounce of energy to
make it all work. Communication, commitment, closeness,
caring, contact, and complete honesty.
If that doesn't grow and let it work, nothing will.
We are different people. She is gone.
Busy. Preoccupied. She is in pain. We are both alone.
ON OUR OWN
I love so many things and so many people but it's
still true: I may never find anything I can say or do
that will get someone to talk with me.
That's just life. My love is solid and kind, with joy,
celebration and gratitude. But I am the only one! I'm
weird because I love. I don't belong here because of love.
I changed my phone number last month because of all the
telemarketers calling every day. I sat and thought about
it, and realized there is not one person I can call. Not my
parents or brother, not one friend who I can give my new
phone number to. It's really amazing, isn't it? Are people
that busy? That hard-working? So far gone?
Are we a society of compulsive, isolated drones?
Yeah, I know, we write our own script and I create my own
reality. Yeah, yeah. People actually do care don't they?
I make all these people be unavailable somehow. It's me.
But really and truly, is there anything I can say or do to get
someone to talk with me? Ever? Really? Anything at all?
Anything at all I could say or do?
Just to say "How are you?"
People don't rush to sympathize with and help big strong men.
We have a role to fill.
Men don't talk about their feelings, pttthhh, usually because
there is no one willing to be there! We are blamed, accused,
unwelcome, ostracized and alone. If I want conversation I
have to pay for it. I hire prostitutes just to be there and talk,
to be close and care. Just because I am male.
That's life. There is no blame. I have to deal with it, still find
love, give love and move on. Yeah, yeah, I'm so righteous
and the world is so cruel. Get over it already. We do whatever
it takes to stay alive! I don't care what it actually takes,
as long as I know.
NATURE PROVIDES
She is gone now, my fifth girfriend. We are good friends,
just like all the other friends I used to have. I call and invite
them to share good things, explore, enjoy and learn.
They don't. They won't. There is no time.
But I still love, I just do. All my love for the world itself,
with or without people there ...
I go for walks and find beautiful things in the mountains.
I ski and hike, write and play music. At least in the forest
I am welcome as I am! I can see, appreciate, love and
give whatever I can. Nature is the one place where good
folk are welcome. I read a book, sit by a stream, swim
in a pond, visit with my family the trees, and build really
neat things from wood and technology. I do what I can.
I don't know about People though. They always leave.
I keep asking "why?" I may never find a wife and have
beautiful children, but why? I don't understand, why?
Is society really that inhuman, why? Are people really
that consumed with schedules and money and busy-ness,
why? Does nobody think and share and love, why?
Is there no community I can build or be part of, why?
Yeah okay. I'll shuttup now. Men are supposed to be alone.
Wow, Code! That kind of sucked the air out of me.
Yeah. Bummer things suck.
I still like trees though. And ponds are really cool.
Sorry. Oh f!ck. It's just a diary, life you know?
I'll be back online in a few days...
anyone who needs hugs {{{{here you go}}}}.
Time to visit the family... trees...
Take care and be well y'all.
Now trees.....that I can get into.
Dear Diary, first I want to thank Mapleleaf for pm'ing me to remind me of DD. I haven't been very active lately (on a2k) and forget to check my old forums. Coming back is like getting acquainted again with old friends.
Pitter, your life, lately, has been more hectic and complicated than most lives are in several years. The story of your friend with alzheimers was terribly sad. Does he really have alzheimers or has he simply shown an amazing lack of responsibility?
I do hope things go better with your wife. Remember, you haven't been married very long and she might have overreacted more out of guilt than real anger. I don't think you were being at all unreasonable. If I lived in Columbia, I would insist on everyone in my family calling if they were going to be even half an hour late.
Codeborg, you write with incredible feeling and emotion. Like Mapleleaf, I understand about the trees. When I was having a bad time many years ago in San Francisco, I would walk through Golden Gate Park and feel the calmness and nobility of the trees and, slowly, become imbued with a sense of peace. You sound like a sensitive, generous man who hasn't found the right relationship yet. Good luck to you--I'm sure it will happen; sometimes it happens when you least expect it.
Mapleleaf, my heart goes out to you with the loss of your sister-in-law and the likelyhood of the death of another of your relatives. It is often ironic that with the sadness of death, there is a joy that adds beauty and meaning to our lives.
Marycat--will you be able to meet with us at the Texas gathering? I hope so as I wasn't able to meet with you in Boston. Good luck with the new store.
Hugs to all the DDers.
And hugs to you, Diane....
Been scratching my four day old stubble all afternoon.Dang,tomorrow must be Shave Day.Those 5 cent razors are doing me proud though.
Best wishes you guys(folks) - I'm a no-account slacker. I do feel for you and wisht it was better.
Dear Diary,
Young love, old love, fifth girlfriend, fiftieth girlfriend now there's a topic.
Well Diane thanks for the nudge. The day after my wife left I called her at her mother's house and asked if she sincerely wanted to terminate the relationship. She said no but it would be best to be apart for a week or some days. Sharing my anguish I told a female aquaintence here and her reaction was "she's crazy to do that! In Cali there are too many other women to take her place ." What a different culture this is. A man of any age (who isn't flat broke) with out a woman in his home is like a walking vacuum.
I did not want to sit alone in this city "waiting" for her so I called my friend Diana in Barranquilla and said I'd like to come up and visit. She was delighted. It's been over a year since we've visited. So I took the "colectivo" out to the airport, bought a ticket for early the next morning and spent the night in the airport hotel. In the US this would be lavish behavior but here you can book national flights spontainiously for only slightly more and the airport hotel is only $22 for a single.
Diana is a university student, twenty three years old who I met a couple of years ago when I briefly dated her girlfriend Erica. Erica moved on (she's a story) but Diana and I became close friends and last year we even went to Parque Tayrona on the north coast together on a camping trip. Too bad there is such an age difference 23/58 because we have so many interests in common and really enjoy each others company. However the friendship has always been platonic and we act as each others confidant from the opposite sex.
I stayed for a week at Diana's house and we talked and talked, mostly (selfishly) about my marriage but about her various international e-mail and phone "pretendientes". They all call her almost daily and swear they're coming to Colombia to see her from Spain or Italy or Chile but none have showed up yet. I sat in with her and her girlfriend Samora on their English classes and helped them study for an exam. Samora is twentyfive and her boy friend is a wealthy and married owner of a multinational company in Cartagena. He gives her a nice monthly allowance and bought her a computer and puts her up some weekends at $200 (US) a night hotels in Bogota.
Digressing (even more) I must tell Erica's story. Erica is an exceptionally attractive and exotic looking dark skinned beauty of twenty-six. Exotic because her features are pure Guajira Indian but unlike most of them she's also tall and has a striking figure. I dated her briefly as I said but realized something was fishy and bailed out early. It turned out she was a tireless lier. She told me that her family hadn't always lived in the humble digs accross from the bus station in Santa Marta but had been very wealthy until her father ran off with a young women taking his money with him. She told me she'd had a modeling career in Bogota and had done photo shoots with the singer Carlos Vives. Diana told me later that Erica had always been poor and in fact had never been on a plane (Bogota is about two days by bus so not a likely option for weekend modeling stints). She also said she'd been featured as a "Chica Miercoles" (girl wednesday, a pin-up feature in the Barranquilla paper) but didn't bother to save a copy. Later she met a blond blue-eyed gringo of twenty-eight who she found on the internet. I'm sure he was blown away when he got her first e-mail and picture. It turns out he'd barely dated in the US and was immediately completely smitten. Erica is not a particularly nice person though. When he first came down to see her Diana and Erica went to meet him but the flight was delayed and Erica said "oh lets go, he can find his way to the hotel". Diana talked her out of it. It was his first trip out of the US and he hardly spoke any Spanish at all! Among other demands she insisted he buy her a cellular phone and service then she used it to talk to her local boyfriend right in front of him. He didn't understand of course but Diana cringed. Erika even invited the local to their wedding reception and promised to get him to the states. On his second trip down when it was time for him to leave Erica insisted in Colombia there was no need to go to the airport so early (the usual two hours). He missed his flight of course and several days at work. Turns out Erica with no experience of airports or planes at all thought it was like going to the terminal and getting on a bus. Now they are married and living in California and the gringo does all the cooking and clothswashing when he gets home from work.
Long digression. Well when I came home a week later we kissed and made up and it's been smooth sailing since.
