Age difference in relationship

Yeah.

I see this one as being kind of hard to tease apart the problem from the specific area where advice is being requested. I want to figure out where he is coming from, figure out what sort of a chance he has with the parents. "I'm emotionally immature myself so I prefer teenaged girls" wouldn't go over very well, generally speaking.

But I understand what you're saying.

(Btw, E.G. thinks "matronizing" is a great word.)

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Then does he like "meninism"? Very Happy

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He didn't comment. Smile

Wouldn't it be masculism?

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Well, I can speak from experience. I got married when I was 16 because my parents were so intent on telling me what I could do. Unfortunately, the only way I could do that was to get pregnant and this was unfortunate. However, I have to say that the day I got married at age 16, was one of the happiest days of my life. I have been able to take care of myself and was happy to be able to learn and make my own mistakes. I've done well. It's too bad that I had to do this in the only way I could find......getting pregnant. My daughter is now 40 and I have two other fine daughters, ages 21 and 18. And I've been very careful not to tell them what they can do. I've been available to advise them if they ask. And I've sometimes offered my advise, unsolicited. However, I've always made it clear that by the time they are 16 or so, their choices are theirs to make and I've encouraged them to be thoughtful about it. They've made mostly good choices. And we're all doing well.

So I don't think it's a cut an dried matter, the_one. We're all different. Your girl is the one to say what she should do ultimately. And it's between you and her. Once her parents have said their own opinion, they should leave it up to her.

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I recently read what you had to say on this subject on the revived thread of Lash Goth's from a year or so ago, Lola, and liked it.

I don't know what I would do if the sozlet, at 15, were dating a 24 year old -- I would like to think she just wouldn't, but I know that's hubris.

Unfortunately, the_one has limited control over what the parents do, whether they should do it or not -- he only really has control over how he presents himself to them.

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I had forgotten I wrote that, Soz. Funny, I guess I'm consistent. I must believe what I say. Thanks for reminding me.

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Lola
That's exactly how I feel. 15/16 year olds are not babies and if we try to cage them, then we'd end up defeating our own purpose. I know I was fortunate enough to have parents who allowed me to make some of my own choices and learn from my own mistakes, although the relationship I had with the much older man was not one of those mistakes. I am still friends with him to this day and smile when he crosses my mind.

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Well, Montana, I can't say that about my first husband. That was a mistake. But I'm more than fine, I'm doing very well now and my kids are fine. And I only made that mistake once. :wink:

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The father of my son turned out to be a very abusive jerk, so the only truly good thing that came out of that relationship is my wonderful son. Thank god he's nothing like his father :-D

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In You Shoes
I am on the other foot. I am 31 years old now, and I have feelings for someone very special that happens to be 13 years younger. She and I have know each other for a long time, and about two years ago, she confided to me that she had feelings for me too. I was not confortable with the situation and told her that we could not be together due to our age. We have remained friends, but not pursued it. Recently, she re-affirmed her feelings as the same. I know that it looks bad to those around me, but my feelings for her are still there as well. We are still not able to be together, but we talk quite often. I would never dream of hurting her, and I fear of holding her back from things that she wishes to do in her life. She has made it very clear that this is what she wants. I have had time, and experienced a failed marriage before. Not to say that I would rush into another one. However, she makes me very happy. I really don't know what to do from here. There has been no physical part in this relationship. But I can truely say that there are emotions that run deep for both of us. My question, What should I do next?

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mamajuana wrote:

As I'm reading this, I realize that age is only one factor, but it can be used as a marker. It starts out with sex, almost always, and many adults seem totally unaware that children come into this sexual world before an arbitrary age. They forget their own youths. I remember a hot and heavy romance with someone 14 years older than me, mostly on the sly. Strangely enough, it came to an end when he finally asked to marry me, and like a vision I could suddenly see that this would not end up good. We did not end up friends.

I had a friend who married young, and "well." He was a doctor, 15 years older than she, and the marriage, which was made in hell, produced 3 children. The divorce was bitter and long (she ran away). After several years, she met up with the guy she's now been married to for many years. He is 18 ears younger than she is.

So age comes into it, but so do all those experiences that make our lives. My son and daughter-in-law met when they were 15 - it was like a soap opera. He was a star basketball player, she was a cheerleader. Boom, that was it. I really don't know what all they did, but they married after college, worked, then had the first of their three sons. Today that marriage is so solid you can feel it when you come into the room.

They say your first real love stays with you forever. Mine didn't.

Hard to see Mamajuana's posts now (for those who don't know her, she died suddenly last year), and good to see them. I understand this post.

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Yuleeboy, you'll probably get more attention / responses if you make your question into a thread of its own ...

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I have dated mostly older women but not all of them were mature. The oldest one I dated was 56. Basically, there is no one type of woman I am attracted to. So long as she is intelligent and not a manhater.

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Well, 26 has always been the best year for guys! Smile

I had a crush on a 23 year old guy when I was 13. after a while, I did make it known to him and he did take me up on it. But I was sure not ready or even looking for a relationship. I just needed some attention and ended up getting it from a horny older guy, and it kind of saddens me to think about it now. Live and learn. However, at 15, I met a guy who I dated regularly for about 5 years (he was 26 Smile

) we both also had other relationships at the same time (It was the 70s), but continued seeing eachother until I got pregnant (another relationship).
but if I ever met up with him again, I could jump right back in! Sometimes there is that one person, and that one memorable time of life...

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Sorry, I got lost in my musings there.
I wanted to say that it sounds as though that relationship was the right thing for you, and fulfilled some need that you had, so was a good thing. As far as men dating teenage girls now, though, I have to say it gives me the willies! as a grown-up person, I see things differently now than I would have then, and what I see is that MOST teenage girls don not have the maturity to handle a relationship with a man who is significantly older.
I have a rule for myself, that I won't date anyone the same age or younger than my oldest son, so it could be I'm just jealous of those young girls! I have one more year to get me a 26 year old, though! kidding, kidding...

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Age difference in relationship

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