@spendius,
Quote: A statistical aberration.
Not necessarily. Stupid people just can't find their way to any meetings. They're always no-shows. Either that, or they know they won't be welcome. Either way, one never gets to meet any.
OK. Time for a bad joke.
Motorist, a tad under the weather, gets stopped for a traffic violation. While the cop is writing out the ticket, the slightly inebriated driver gets slightly belligerent and says, "What am I supposed to do with that ticket?"
The patrolman looks up. "You save 'em," he tells the driver. "Four of these and you get a bicycle."
Think about it.
One cannot consider a woman a bitch just for saying no.
Spendi wrote:I haven't yet heard of anybody who was in a meet not being. Going to a meet seems to be a surefire way of being spoken of approvingly.
Statistically wrong, you are, Spendi.
I met two people I strongly disapprove...
And two other I'm neutral to..
JL wrote:One cannot consider a woman a bitch just for saying no.
Yes, one can. Look:
What’s the difference between a whore and a bitch?
Whores **** everyone at the party, Bitches **** everyone at the party except you (they say no).
This has probably been on here before -
> > Who's working> anyway?> > > > > > > The> population of this> country is 300 million.> > > > > > > 160> million are> retired.> > > > > > > That> leaves 140 million to> do the work. There are 85 million in school.> > > > > > > This> leaves 55 million to> do the work.> > > > > > > Of this> there are 35> million employed by the federal government.> > > > > > > Leaving 15> million to do> the work.> > > > > > > 2.8> million are in the> armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.> > > > > > > This> leaves 12.2 million> to do the work.> > > > > > > Take from> that total the> 10.8 million people who work for state and city> governments.> > > > > > > And that> leaves 1.4> million to do the work.> > > > > > > At any> given time there> are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving 1,212,000 to> do the> work.> > > > > > > Now, there> are 1,211,998> people in prisons.> > > > > > > That> leaves just two> people to do the work.> > > > > > > You and> me. And> there you are, sitting on your ass, at your computer,> reading jokes.> > > > > > > Nice. Real> nice. > >
@edgarblythe,
Very good Ed. I made the point less amusingly on another thread recently. It was related to the $9 trillion national debt. We had better get our arses in gear eh?
MA--Neat, but you forgot ci's quote.
@spendius,
Sorry--I forgot the bad joke.
Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
Rodeo Position
Two rough riders were having a drink. The talk got around to sex.
Whats your favorite position says the first rough rider
Well, I think my favorite position is the rodeo position says the second rough rider.
I dont think i know that one says the first, what do you do?
First you get her on her hands and knees, slide up behind her, then you grab her breasts and say "hell these feel like you sisters".
Then try to hang on for 8 seconds
Someone on the radio said today that he felt as disadvantaged as a one-legged guy in an ass kicking contest.
Past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
@nimh,
That's better nimh. That good joke is out of place on a really bad joke thread.
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe... as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.
Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"
"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!"
Bob brings his wife in.
An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music.. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.
He bursts in and shouts to his master:
"Master, Master! . The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
@Phoenix32890,
Go to your room, Phoenix. No supper, and certainly no TV, for you tonight, young lady.
Two politicians are chatting.
The older politician remarked, "There are many ways a politician can make money dishonestly, but only one way that is honest. Do you know what that is?"
"I give up. How?" the other replied.
"I didn't think you would know!"
One day my housework challenged husband decided
to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the
washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied.
'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE ! '
And they say
blondes are dumb....
----------------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying
in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make
you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies,
'I'll miss you.........
--------------- -------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,'
Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
-------------------------------------------
Q: What do you
call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
-------------------------------------------
A man and his wife,
now in their 60's, were celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary. On their special day
a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger....
Whoosh....immediately he turned
90!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be
men.
--------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you
call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
---------------------------------------------
Q: What does it
mean when a man is in your bed gasping
for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
------------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they
are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end to wipe.
-------------------------------------------
Q: How do you
keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the
email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
@wandeljw,
Was this politician in Chicago?
