My Asian roommate says I have schizophrenia.
Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.
I had a happy childhood.
All us kids used to put each other in tires and we would roll down the hills.
Those were Goodyears.
Did everyone read my chiropractic joke I posted.....
it was about a week back?
Accountant needed $75k - $$80k.
Me: Read your ad.... no need for an accountant....
The answer is -$5k.
I asked my wife.. why did you marry me?
She said because I was funny.
I replied... but I thought it was because I was sexy & intelligent...
& then she laughed & laughed & said.... see!!!!
I walked in to a Plumbing store.....
and I saw a sign that said "Stainless Steel Sinks"
And I thought - "no ****"
I don't understand why people don't like lazy people.
They didn't do anything
Now I'm going to have nightmares.
(This is REALLY bad)
A skeleton walks into a pub and orders a Guiness and a mop.
My mate got a message from his wife......
"Sex is better on holidays"
No the best postcard he's ever received
I've recently been suffering from Tom Jones syndrome...
I went to see the doctor, but he dismissed me saying, it's not unusual.
I have 2 unwritten rules that I live by.
Hope they help you.
I just tried to escape the Apple store.......
I couldn't because there were no Windows.
Her: I’m sorry daddy, I’ve been a bad girl.
Him: For the last time, it’s “Forgive me Father for I have sinned”