Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

My friend asked me: why is time standing still?
I replied: probably because they weren't normal mushrooms you just ate.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. In the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."

Watson: "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

Holmes: "Watson, you idiot, somebody's stolen our tent!"

I must object to this post.

This joke has won many awards and is not a really bad joke.

I actually agree with you here, McG.

I love the joke.

much like musical taste, joke taste is pretty subjective.

you may groan at something that causes me to ROTFLMAO.

that's why i made the really good joke thread...

I appreciate it.

I steal some of my best material for my other forums from this thread.

(stealing jokes that i already stole ain't stealing in my book...)

That(Sherlock) is one of my favorite jokes that my late father loved to tell.

Like Reeg said. Jokes are a personal and arbitrary subject

Here’s another of my dad’s favorites...highly condensed.

A reporter was stopping people on the street and asking them what the most amazing invention of the 20th century was.

The first person replied that it was the jet airplane. Because it had made the world so much smaller.

The second said it was modern medicine because it had saved so many lives.

Finally he asked an old wino shuffling down the street.

The wino thought long and hard and finally replied “the thermos“

The reporter was surprised and asked him what is so amazing about the thermos?

“Well ,If you put something hot in it it keeps it hot.
But if you put something cold in it it keeps it cold.

How do it know?

Probably these have been posted earlier, but I still like 'em.

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face."

A priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

New variation:

Carly Fiorina walks into a bar where Trump is having a drink. Trump says, "Why the long face?"

Panzade that really must be an awful joke because I totally don’t get it.

The last line should be "How does it know?"

The joke is suggesting that "keeping something hot" versus "keeping it cold" are two separate actions, and a thermos would need to make a conscious decision between the two options.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

A termite walks into a vbar and asks, "is the bar tender here?"

It wasn’t obvious to me. I got all tied up in the how is that the greatest invention ever. The buildup and the punchline aren’t suited to each other. That’s what makes it so bad.

I’m pretty quick witted, but when something doesn’t match up like that I start over thinking it, trying to figure out what I’m missing. Like I’m equally discombobulated over the fact it was a wino saying it. What does that have to do with anything? It could have been so many other people. Why a wino? Then I got caught up trying to make a connection between alcohol and a thermos. Not just any alcohol either. Wine.

That’s what make this joke so terribly bad. So many ways to go wrong, and it took all of them.

You are the winner of an Important Award Panzade.

It will be arriving to home soon. You’ll know it’s from Italy because the box will be marked “FRAGILE “

As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection,
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," the vet muttered.

In reply to chai2:

I’m sorry you thought the joke was bad.
I’m sorry you didn’t get it.
It was one of my dad’s favorite jokes.
I mentioned I thought jokes were subjective.
How “do” it know is the punch line.

Important award?
Italy?
Fragile?

I have no idea what you’re talking about.