176
   

Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

 
 
Region Philbis
 
  2  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 04:15 am

https://scontent.fbed1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/15542327_1364030426990475_254954559557258872_n.jpg?oh=2e233276f8db4b6847b9cdf21332a1c0&oe=58F5BB2C
0 Replies
 
Builder
 
  4  
Reply Sat 17 Dec, 2016 02:02 am
Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning.

A bee landed on her face.

Luckily she wasn't stung, I was too quick with the spade
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  4  
Reply Thu 22 Dec, 2016 10:49 am

https://scontent.fbed1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/15578545_10209902133724518_4319847678061971948_n.jpg?oh=ca58c382b14176fd7245f5f7ed7d410d&oe=58E019B9
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Dec, 2016 11:43 am
Bad laws still active.
http://justsomething.co/the-22-most-ridiculous-us-laws-still-in-effect-today-2/
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  4  
Reply Fri 23 Dec, 2016 08:32 pm

https://scontent.fbed1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/15697622_1372584969468354_8727305367635957651_n.jpg?oh=52e6cbd08f4c83508de6a02048539a83&oe=58DC01AE
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  4  
Reply Sun 25 Dec, 2016 04:27 am
https://scontent.fbed1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/15665580_1595121473832158_8499774934387664924_n.jpg?oh=b0ecc63ecc11c4cb183a34f84f5bd16d&oe=58F85D7A





.
0 Replies
 
blueveinedthrobber
 
  3  
Reply Mon 26 Dec, 2016 08:16 pm
lady in a bookstore tells the clerk "I'm looking for a book but I can't remember the title" Clerk asks "What's it about?" She replies "It's about a man with a really tiny penis". Clerk says "It's not in yet". "That's it!!!!" the lady shouts.
0 Replies
 
panzade
 
  2  
Reply Thu 29 Dec, 2016 05:26 pm
http://imageshack.com/a/img922/9709/6yZB8n.jpg
0 Replies
 
Mr PantsFellDown
 
  1  
Reply Sat 31 Dec, 2016 06:15 pm
Deep Thoughts
by Jack Handey



To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when
you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a
hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."



________________________________________________

[center]http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq238/mailmeathought/rimshot.gif[/center]

0 Replies
 
Mr PantsFellDown
 
  4  
Reply Sat 31 Dec, 2016 06:46 pm
http://cdn1.hark.com/images/000/002/133/2133/original.jpg

A man was waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor came and informed the
dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head!
But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. Eighteen years later,
the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told
him he was proud of him, and ordered the biggest, strongest drink for his boy.
With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso popped out!

The bar was dead silent, then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked,
begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink!
Take another drink!" The bartender shook his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms popped out!

The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, begged his son to drink again.
The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" But the bartender
ignored the whole affair.By this time, the boy was getting tipsy. With his new hands,
he reached down, grabbed the drink, and guzzled the last of it.

Swoooop! Two legs popped out.

The bar was in chaos. The father wept with joy. The boy stood up on his new legs.
He stumbled to the left. He stumbled to the right. Then he stumbled through the
front door and into the street, where a truck ran him over.

The bar fell silent. The father moaned with grief. The bartender merely
sighed and said, "He should have quit while he was a head."

0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  3  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 05:44 pm

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them,
"We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain
from sex for an entire month."

The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the
church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was
crying, and the husband obviously was very depressed.

"You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain
from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult;
however, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second
week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.
The third week, however, was unbearable. We tried cold showers,
prayer, reading from the Bible, or anything to keep our minds free
of carnal thoughts. But one afternoon, my wife reached for a can of
paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I noticed
that she didn't have panties on and I was overcome with lust and
I had my way with her, right then and there," admitted the man,
shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome into our church,"
stated the pastor.

"We know," said the young man, hanging his head.
"We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore, either..."

***
0 Replies
 
giujohn
 
  2  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 08:29 pm
Q: What's the last thing that goes through a bugs mind as it hits the windshield?
A: It's ass.
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Jan, 2017 08:51 am
@giujohn,
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?

...




...
Blood oranges.
0 Replies
 
margo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Jan, 2017 03:52 pm
g r o a n
0 Replies
 
panzade
 
  5  
Reply Fri 13 Jan, 2017 12:57 pm
More for Margo...http://imageshack.com/a/img922/4895/Dynac5.jpg
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  5  
Reply Sat 14 Jan, 2017 12:19 pm

>
> Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his
wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
>
> He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to
record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
>
> "My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses.
>
> "My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
>
> "My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre.
>
> "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the
banks of the river."
>
> The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his
extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith,
your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated
all this property".
>
> The wife replies, "The asshole had a paper route."
>
>
francocig
 
  2  
Reply Sat 14 Jan, 2017 09:32 pm
@edgarblythe,
What's the difference between perverted and kinky?
A: Using the whole chicken instead of the feather.
0 Replies
 
francocig
 
  3  
Reply Sat 14 Jan, 2017 09:51 pm
@edgarblythe,
A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.

What do you call a hen looking at a lettuce? Chicken Ceaser Salad

I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Jan, 2017 02:20 am
@roger,
roger wrote:

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday!"


Roger you made me laugh out loud again
0 Replies
 
Olivier5
 
  5  
Reply Fri 20 Jan, 2017 10:11 am
Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.
 

Related Topics

Oddities and Humor - Discussion by edgarblythe
Let's play "Caption the Photo" II - Discussion by gustavratzenhofer
JIM NABORS WAS GOY? - Question by farmerman
Funny Pictures ***Slow Loading*** - Discussion by JerryR
Caption The Cartoon - Discussion by panzade
Geek and Nerd Humor - Discussion by Robert Gentel
Caption The Cartoon Part Deux - Discussion by panzade
IS IT OK FOR ME TO CHEAT? - Question by Setanta
2008 Election: Political Humor - Discussion by Robert Gentel
 
Copyright © 2017 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 02/27/2017 at 02:56:40