Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

At least it was semi-private.

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the group have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers, therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

SO:

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the **** do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No ******* way!!

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me?

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a ****.

TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a ****.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my ******* problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the ****?!?!

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF: **** it, it won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell cares?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF: He's hasn't got a ******* clue.

TRY SAYING: Excuse me sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat **** and die ************.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Sucked in fuckwit.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF: **** it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass!

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Blow me.

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another ******* meeting!!!

TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a ****.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a ******* prick.

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the **** you're doing.

I had to laugh, thanks Ed.

Very sly. Bravo.

Oh man . . . that is really, really awful . . .













I salute you . . .

There's a new Japanese-Jewish restaurant in town. It's called "So-sumi."

How can you tell if your wife is having an affair with an elephant?

You take her to a bar, and when she sits on a bar stool, she goes all the way to the floor.

Liquor may be slow poison, but who is in a hurry?

I'm just wondering how low the UK pound will drop against the Euro before it settles?

it's a year today since Andy died

this was his final post

fitting in a lustig way