Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Yeah, I got it once I saw the original post. Like I said.

Jesus set, I'm glad you said it.

Carlos, you do realize the point of these jokes is that they are groaners, but still funny, don't you?

This isn't for jokes that aren't actually funny.

Amen.

Thanks chai2, but the explanation wasn't necessary.

I read the first jokes on the first page and they weren't funny with the exception of two perhaps three.

I thought that those jokes were terrible without "angel". The same deal with the deer's caricature from right above. One must have infantile mind to laugh with those "jokes". So, writing real bad jokes from my part won't make any difference.

Good and bad jokes also depend of when you say them.

Decades ago, a "snowman snowglobe" sold from Puerto Rico was the funniest, it was the snowglobe with the carrot, the hat, the arm branches and more, floating and submerged in water. The idea was that never snows in Puerto Rico, and the legend used to say "Puerto Rican snowman".

Today, there are several copies in the market, as Florida Snowman, California Snowman, Georgia Snowman, "such and such beach snowman" etc. snowglobes sold online.

http://www.amazon.com/Original-Florida-Melted-Snowman-snowglobe/dp/B000YBHHQK

However, it does snow sometimes in Florida, in California, and in Georgia, and even when it happened in rare occasions, the snowglobe with those states in the legend is not as funny as when it is applied to Puerto Rico or Virgin Islands where snow never shows up.

My point is that for a "newer" some "remanufactured" jokes are funny, and for the ones who know a lot of jokes, some of them still causing laughs when repeated.

Perhaps many of the jokes posted here are funny for others, but that is not what happens in my case. Right now, for example, I have had better laughs without stop reading the quotes of vice-president Dan Quayle, which surely are a special kind of "groaners" and still are super funny.

http://www.allgreatquotes.com/dan_quayle_quotes.shtml

Now, as sight gags go, that's funny.

A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... Broiled Missionary: $10.00, Fried Explorer: $15.00, Baked Politician: $100.00. The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?" The cook replied: "Have you ever tried to clean one?"

Agreed. But, to explain it in arduous length, in words....not so much.

Carlos, I'm sure some of your jokes have the potential to be funny. Maybe it's a language thing, stuff that just doesn't translate well.

It's simply that, and perhaps others would agree, your jokes read on and on (and on and on), and the only reason one keeps reading is that you've read this far, might as well go on to the end. Then, it just stops. You get to the end and, well, the writing just stops.

This may be a language thing, but when we're saying here "bad jokes" we're not saying things that actually aren't funny, just one's that make you at least smile in spit of it being corny or silly.

For instance, your joke about the ugly baby? Basically it could be told....

A woman goes to the doctor, and he says your baby is ugly. He says throw it out and I'll **** you and make another.

Or the tarzen one....I'm going to **** a hole in your leg because I can't find your vagina. Wow,

Not exactly funny, and the long length of it does nothing to help.

I know you're not going to take any of this to heart, but just be aware you could be part of the light hearted fun, or you can continue to write unfunny, non-sensical stuff and make yourself look like you've totally missed the boat.

That's all I have to say about that.

One of your comments reminds me of the story of a woman riding on a train holding her baby.

At some point, the guy sitting across from here say, "Lady, that is one ugly baby you have there."

The lady is shocked...and calls the conductor over and says, "This man just insulted me...I want him moved."

The conductor tells the guy to move to another seat...and then says to the lady, "He shouldn't be anymore trouble. And...to make up for his rudeness...can I get a banana for your monkey?"

A priest was confronted by a prostitute. "Do you want a quickie for five rand?". Not knowing what it was, he said no. A few minutes another prostitute also offered him a quickie for five rand. Again he said no. When he got back to the monastery, his curiosity got the better of him, and he went to a nun. "What," he asked, "is a quickie?" "Five rand, same as in town," the nun answered.

What's a rand? (I know, I know, but I do love a South African joke that never says it's a South African joke)

That one reminded of the two nuns who sneak out of the convent. They flit through the shadows of the trees and the shrubbery, they slip over the wall, crouch in the ditch and then dash across the road into the shelter of some trees. There, they change into ordinary clothing, when one says to the other:

Oh Sister Margaret, i feel like a paratrooper!

Well, so do i, but where are we going to find one at this time of night?

Van is having a drink in the bar with a couple of businessmen from the UK and USA when there's a beeping sound from his right. He turns and sees the Englishman speaking into his little finger with his thumb in his ear. After giving a few instructions to his finger he says goodbye and returns to the business of consuming his beer. Van, intrigued, demands an explanation and the Englishman tells him that this is the latest in communication technology: a cellular phone built into his finger and thumb. Shortly thereafter there is another beeping, this time from Van's left, and he finds the American speaking, apparently to no-one. When this conversation ends Van again requires an explanation and is informed that this is the VERY latest in communication technology: the cellular phone's microphone is embedded in the fellow's lip and the speaker in his ear. A little while later all three are happily drinking when Van lets go an obnoxiously loud staccato fart. When he sees his two companions staring at him in supprise he smiles benignly and says: "No, it's all right, I was just sending a fax, man."

... oh my God.... its vonny again