Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?

Secretary: My lawyer.

Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.

“I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered.

“What did he say,” asked the nurse.

“OOPS!”

How can you tell that a politician is about to lie?

His lips begin to move.

An ol' fart is driving on the interstate when his cell phone rings.
His wife screams "Honey there's someone driving the wrong way on the interstate.Be careful!"
He replies:
"One? There's hundreds of 'em."

A man walks into the patent office to patent an apple. "You can't patent something that grows out of the ground"< he's told and he says "Oh yeah?. take a bite", so the officer does and notes it tastes like an apple. "Turn it over says the applicant. The patent officer turns it over and it tastes exactly like a fresh peach. The man gives him another apple and it also tastes like an apple. He says "Turn it over", and when the officer does it tastes just like a fresh juicy strawberry."Wow", says the patent officer it's too bad you don't have one that tastes like pussy". He replies that he does and hands it to him. The patent officer takes a big bite and spits it out declaring "This apple tastes like ****!" "Well, Turn it over".

Shooooooooooweeeeee! That's really baaaaad

I think you just won the gold prize! LOL

For a couple of years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I’m tired because I’m overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.

And you’re sitting at your computer reading jokes!

At least it is not tasteless.

Prriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Penalty on Advocate for piling on!

You got a thumb's up from me for expressing the sad state of affairs in most countries. Truth that hurts everybody as a joke is the best kind - on this thread.

I up thumbed you in hopes to make you like me.

How can anyone like who is anonymous?

A chap got a job in the Quick Change Dressing Room at the Moulin Rouge. His pal asked him what the wages were. He said 2 Francs an hour. His mate said that wasn't very much.

He said it was all he could afford.

I'm feeling as if I'm in love with her.

‘Bob’s Tavern’ was right next door to a cemetery. One day in mid winter a drunk stumbled out of the tavern. Due to his drunk state he wasn’t careful where he was going and he fell into a freshly dug grave. “Help!” Screamed the drunk on the top of his lungs, “I’m freezing!”

Before long another drunk sauntered out of the tavern and made his way towards the first drunk’s cries. “I’m freezing!” Screamed the first drunk again.

“Of course you are” scolded the second drunk, coming closer. “You kicked off all of the dirt they had covered you with!”

About a week later another drunk left the tavern and fell in another grave. Try as he might he couldn't get out, and after about an hour of trying de decided to give it up as a bad lot and settle down for the night.

Sortly afterwards another drunk fell in the grave. He tried frantically to get out as well. Then came a voice from the far side of the grave, 'You'll never get out.'














He did.