A man and a woman are eating in a restaurant. Suddenly, the woman got something stuck in her throat, causing her to choke. The man rushes outside, cuts a limb off a tree and whacks the woman across the back with it, dislodging the object in her throat. The headline in the paper read "Man gives woman the hemlock maneuver"
@vonny,
Very good. And, historically, that's actually not a false statement.
"Well, I finaly retired my old car", said the old man. His pal ask, "Did you junk it or trade it in?" "Naw nothing like that, I put four new Michelins on it."
@vonny,
It's actually quite true literally.
At the court of the Emperor of Japan there was an opening for a chief Samurai. There were three applicants for the job -- one Japanese, one Chinese and one Jewish. The Emperor wanted to see them demonstrate their skills before making a decision on who would get the job.
The Japanese Samurai, being a local boy, was allowed to go first. He drew the longer of his two swords and looked around for a suitable target. It so happened that a number of flies were buzzing about the room. The would-be Samurai selected one at random and --SNICK! -- neatly sliced it in half.
The Emperor was very impressed. But he let the next applicant, the Chinese, to go ahead and demonstratehis skills. The Chinese warrior looked around, saw another fly, and --SNICKER-SNEE! -- neatly quartered it with two strokes.
The Emperor didn't think the Jewish lad could outdo this but let him do his presentation anyway. The Jew looked around, saw a fly, and swung his sword wildly. The fly continued to fly around.
"Well, that's not showing much skill," said the Emperor. "That fly was neither halved nor quartered"
"Halved- shmalved; quartered-shwattered," said the Jew. "That's easy. But did you ever see a fly circumcised?"
@Lustig Andrei,
Here's my revision to 'your' joke.
Quote:
The Emperor didn't think the Jewish lad could outdo this but let him do his presentation anyway. The Jew looked around, saw a fly, and swung his sword wildly. The fly continued to fly around.
"Well, that's not showing much skill," said the Emperor."
The Jew responded, "But did you ever see a fly circumcised?"
I gave you a thumb's up! LOL
A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting outside at a nudist colony. The history professor asked: “Have you read Marx? The psychology professor replied: “Yes. I think it’s from the wicker chairs.”
@Lustig Andrei,
My strange head can't let this go...
Quote:neatly quartered it with two strokes
Either he thirded it or did something more amazing than circumcising a fly.
@hingehead,
Half then into four pieces; with two strokes.
@cicerone imposter,
And he lined up the two fly halves on top of each other how?
Which is what I meant by more amazing than the circumcision.
@hingehead,
Fair to say you've never tried to be a Samurai with two swords in your obi, hinge?
@hingehead,
I guess you missed many of the skills of Asian sword fighters so common in the movies. LOL
