Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

That's Canajun, not USA.

lol sorry i was trying to ironically respond to "I'm sure you all can pretty well understand the USians."

eh? wha?

Can't understand a word you're saying.

This is Canadian.

lol sorry my fault. when you said you were sure we understood you, i was pretending to not under...........oh i see what you did there. very good, very good!

i love stewart francis. one liners and puns are the best.
milton jones is good too.

Hey, you guys are f**king up this thread with GOOD jokes!

hehehehehe erm.....sorry?

I can usually follow British English, and kind of make myself understood. I've no idea what USian might be.

A bloke said to the chemist, 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?'

The chemist said, " Is she having trouble sleeping?"

The bloke said, "No--she keeps waking up."

i thought lustig meant american with USian.

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussard's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said, 'Keep her moving sir, we're stock-taking'

this is the worst tussauds waxwork joke.
see if you recognise anyone (before you read the captions)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2225636/Worlds-worst-waxworks-museum-Louis-Tussauds-faces-closure-elderly-owners-run-it.html#axzz2KFVWu7cK

Too right (as we say hereabouts).

An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to learn something about her personality, so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"

She quickly responded, "The living one."

What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

Do these genes make my butt look fat.

Right! That was truly bad.

Driving Through the Desert

A lawyer, a doctor, and a redneck were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.

A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the lawyer top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the lawyer was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carrying a glass of water through the desert?"

The lawyer explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.

A little while later the rancher noticed the doctor walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.

As before, the doctor explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and ! that's why he had the bread.

Finally the redneck appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, "Hey, why are you dragging that car door?"

"Well," said the redneck, "I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window."

i've heard that before as a "scotsman, englishman, irishman" joke. didn't post it as i thought it was too bad even for this thread

you were right