NickFun wrote:Dear Dr Chai,
Since we divorced, my ex-wife has gained a hundred pounds and become a lesbian. Now she has trouble with squirrels nesting in her attic. Can anything be done about the squirrels?
I do know you can cause great harm to a racoon in the attic by standing underneath where they are making noise, and shooting straight up with a shotgun.
See if you exwife can get the squirrels to stand in a tightly packed circle and give them graham crackers laced with cyanide
J_B wrote:Dear Chai,
Not seeking advice on this post, but add me to those who consider your current avatar to be the best yet. THAT is an adorable little girl!
Wait... I do have a question, why do my cats insist on climbing on me and nuzzling near my face right after they lick their butts?
The same reason a dog licks its balls.
Dear Dr. Chai, recently my yards has become bereft of squirrels because, for reasons unknown, they have decided to move to NickFun's fat, recently turned lesbian ex-wife's attic. I miss the squirrels and the black walnuts are beginning to accumulate on the ground, and, if a few cases, rot is setting in.
I have snuck over to NickFun's ex's house and sprayed Lesbian-Be-Gone liberally in the area, just to try to drive her away long enough for me to entice the squirrels back to the swamp, but she is a determined lesbian, holding tenaciously on to the side of her house until the effects of the spray diminish.
Is there a more effective spray made that would drive a lesbian away long enough for squirrels to be enticed home?
Thank you, and bless you for all the saintly deeds you have been performing.
gustavratzenhofer wrote:Dear Dr. Chai, recently my yards has become bereft of squirrels because, for reasons unknown, they have decided to move to NickFun's fat, recently turned lesbian ex-wife's attic. I miss the squirrels and the black walnuts are beginning to accumulate on the ground, and, if a few cases, rot is setting in.
I have snuck over to NickFun's ex's house and sprayed Lesbian-Be-Gone liberally in the area, just to try to drive her away long enough for me to entice the squirrels back to the swamp, but she is a determined lesbian, holding tenaciously on to the side of her house until the effects of the spray diminish.
Is there a more effective spray made that would drive a lesbian away long enough for squirrels to be enticed home?
Thank you, and bless you for all the saintly deeds you have been performing.
You are trying to treat the problem with a product that has all the effect of luke warm dishwater. In addition, that bottle must have been in your potting shed for years, as the name as been general acknowledged to be un-PC and offensive to a sensitive sector of society. It has lost all it's potency by now I'm afraid.
There are some updated products that have proved to be much more successful....
A product brought out by the same company "Lez-b-gone" will render unconscious a sister of saphos up to 245 lbs. Anything over that size, I would suggest the extra strength "Dyke-b-gone"
Gus, what you need is the anti-lesbian version of a scarecrow.
I suggest renting one like this:
nimh wrote:How come, when you open a box of pills, you always open it on the side where the little paper that has the instructions for use is folded around them, and you have to peel that out first or open it on the other side after all?
Apparantly Europeans have a difficult time with knowing what to do with pills. In the United States, we intuitively know they do not go up your ass, so do not require a paper instruction.
nimh wrote:Gus, what you need is the anti-lesbian version of a scarecrow.
I suggest renting one like this:
nimh, you will be hearing from my attorneys. The posting of my picture is in direct violation of everything.
Roland, get Mr. Cochran on the line....what? He's dead? Well, do something, don't just sit there licking your butt and trying to nuzzle me.
When is Son of Rambo being released in theaters?
What are the differences between the I30 and the I35, besides the model year?
Dear Dr. Chai,
According to the Death Clock I only have 3 years to live. Should I be wasting my time on A2K?
(P.S. if I changed my sign-in name, do you think I'd live longer?)
Tai Chi
What's the best way to get mouse stink out of the car trunk? They have been nesting in my "02 Miata!
Dear Dr. Chai, a gypsy lady came by my house today and plopped one of those crystal balls on my kitchen table. She sat there in her colorful clothing and stared at the ball. Mist begin to swirl within and her eyes carried the reflection of the swirling crystal. In a trance-like state she looked at me and said, "In three years times you shall kill Tai Chi. Such is your fate."
I was chilled to the bone. Is it my fate, Dr. Chai, to kill Tai?
Dr. Chai, Did Gus just make up that story so he could use "Chai" and "Tai" in the same sentence?
A fashion question, Chai.: When (& if) do you predict this fashion requiring "de-hairing" of all bits of the human anatomy will be passe? I refer to arm pits, pubic regions & men's chests. And, when this fashion passes & everyone's hairy again, what do you predict will be the next essential fashion "must do".
This is reminiscent of a deep and inspiring film I viewed, lo, three and a half years ago, entitled The Bubble Boy.
The hero (the guy in the huge circular transparent globe) met an old man who was kind enough to give the young bubble boy on a ride through the desert. As they travelled, the unlikely pair shared vignettes from their past, centering on their love interests.
Poppy, the old man, weathered and shrivelled by life and the desert winds, related that he had an identical brother, Pappy. Poppy seemed to tear up as he spoke of the lifelong feud between the brothers over a dazzling Asian goddess, named Poontang. Each man wanted Poontang desperately and felt life would end, if they couldn't have their beloved Poontang. I was really emotionally wrung out over this story.
One brother eloped with Poontang, and the other, our Poppy, was left to yearn for Poontang the rest of his life.
Miraculously, when the bubble boy finally reached Niagra Falls, and unzipped his bubble to kiss his true love, Poppy, Pappy and Poontang showed up to wish Bubble Boy well.
Much to Poppy's delight, Pappy and Poontang had brought Poontang's sister, Punani, to meet Poppy.
Poppy immediately fell in love with Punani, and they have been inseperable ever since.
...
...
I can't remember why I told that story.
Oh!
What's with this Tai Chi and Chai Tea??? Tai Chi Chai Tea? Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea Tai Chi Chai Tea
Did you say that? Do you know what would happen if Chai married Tai? Have you thought about it?
Well. She'd be Chai Chi!! Imagine Tai married to Chai. Well. Look at that.
You'd have Tai Tea!!!
Tai Tea
Tai Tea
Tai Tea
Tai Tea
Are you getting this??
Tai Tea Chai Chi Tai Tea Chai Chi Tai Tea Chai Chi Tai Tea Chai Chi Tai Tea Chai Chi Tai Tea Chai Chi Tai Tea Chai Chi Tai Tea Chai Chi Tai Tea Chai Chi Tai Tea Chai Chi Tai Tea Chai Chi
I think this pair is somehow connected to Poontang and Punani.
Call it a hunch.
Ticomaya wrote:What are the differences between the I30 and the I35, besides the model year?
the zero is replaced by a five.
their are 3 syllables in the first, 4 in the second.
Tai Chi wrote:Dear Dr. Chai,
According to the Death Clock I only have 3 years to live. Should I be wasting my time on A2K?
(P.S. if I changed my sign-in name, do you think I'd live longer?)
Tai Chi
Don't worry, that's 21 dog years.
Perhaps you would live 28 dog years if your name was changed to bow-wow-baby
Chumly wrote:What's the best way to get mouse stink out of the car trunk? They have been nesting in my "02 Miata!
Fill the trunk with amonia and let it sit in the sun for 3 days.
The mouse stink will be completely gone.
gustavratzenhofer wrote:Dear Dr. Chai, a gypsy lady came by my house today and plopped one of those crystal balls on my kitchen table. She sat there in her colorful clothing and stared at the ball. Mist begin to swirl within and her eyes carried the reflection of the swirling crystal. In a trance-like state she looked at me and said, "In three years times you shall kill Tai Chi. Such is your fate."
I was chilled to the bone. Is it my fate, Dr. Chai, to kill Tai?
You misheard her. What she obviously said was that in 3 days you were going to kill Frank Aspsia.
