chatoyant wrote:Sofia, you're right. It's difficult to say no when your hormones are saying yes. But I've always thought sex on the first date was a mistake. I think after you get to know a person, sex is so much better.
Hormones or not, I always say no to sex on a first date. My theory is this: If the guy calls again, I did the right thing. If he doesn't call, I did the right thing, and I also know what that guy was all about.
CodeBorg wrote:TESTING people ... isn't that manipulative? How genuine is that?
chatoyant wrote:CodeBorg - As Sofia said, I'm the one who first wrote, "If he calls back, I've done the right thing - if he doesn't, I've done the right thing" etc.
What I think is manipulative is when a man takes a woman out for a nice evening, then expects her to hop into bed with him because after all, he's been putting out money so now she should just "put out" as sort of a payback. Heck, they might as well have stayed at her place, had wild and crazy sex and then he could give her the money he would have spent on the date. That would save time and angst ... wondering ... will she ... won't she? In fact, he could have saved a whole lot of time by just picking up a hooker on the street corner. Get my drift?
I want a man to like me for who I am, not what I have - it's as simple as that.
Sofia wrote:Codeborg--
1) The theory was shared by Chatoyant. I said I subscribed to it.
2) It isn't a test or manipulation. It is a way for a woman to talk herself into waiting, when she'd possibly rather not.
Like: I'm not screwing myself up by not having sex with him. If he really likes me, he'll call later. If he really didn't like me, then I didn't waste a sponge on him.
SPONGE-WORTHY! (... from a hilarious Seinfeld episode)
Ok, I''ve been thinking about this for a couple hours now, and before I post anything else I'd like to clean up.
1) I read it wrong. I thought you might be making a decision depending on what your dates might do, but instead you were just thinking through your strategy AFTER having decided your policy. I'm sorry I read your post so hastily!
2) Even if someone does "test" people, that's none of my business. Everyone has their way and I shouldn't imply ANYTHING is wrong, even though I prefer direct honesty.
3) I was trying to be light about it (kind of like Slappy's sarcasm), but the way I phrased my reponse was antagonistic, like I was accusing you. That might be okay with my best friends in private, but not in front of 1300 people. Better to bring people up than down!
If I offended, then I'm sorry. Both of you ROCK!
We agree on many things... I've heard a few women say "Oh, I'd only date a guy if he took me to a fancy restaurant. And if he doesn't spend at least $150 on me, I'd never see him again". My jaw drops everytime I hear it, but people really DO talk like that. Amazing!
BTW, for years I've been fed up with debating whether I should pay for dinner or not, so I insist on paying for it every time just to avoid the whole damn issue. But after all that, could I be criticized for buying dinner, because it might be seen as manipulating the woman? Damned if I don't, tear my hair out over it, then still damned if I do ... AAARRG!!
c.i.
