Olden,
Depends on the flavour of the kayak, withers some seasoning over here please
"Lola is in Los Angeles for the weekend and unable to sit down and relax with her friends at the Salon," says Withers. "She'll soon return and discuss drinking habits and misspelled words, of which Lola is most terribly guilty, being dyslexic or out-of-it in some inexplicable way .............perhaps it's her memory for letters, in any case Lola is quite unable to remember how to spell most words and struggles night an day with the problem. She knows all her friends quite understand. Any and all spelling errors are forgiven here. Can I get anyone something?"
"Drinking habits?" says HofT. "How can she be guilty of drinking habits?"
"Well," says Portentia, "perhaps Withers is giving us a little hint about Lola and her drinking."
"Naw," says BillW, "Lola is guilty of discussing drinking habits. That's all Withers meant."
"Do you think Lola is in Los Angles right now drinking too much champagne?" says HIAMA. "I've seen her put a few away here from time to time."
"Hey, Withers," calls oak, "is Lola engaged in debauchery in L.A.?"
"Pardon, sir?" says Withers, "oh, Miss Lola is doing fine in Los Angeles, she did mention her discovery of a new favorite wine. Savingnon Blanc Quartro, 2001. (You see how badly she spells? She's quite incorrigilble)She's having quite a nice time in L.A., I'm sure she'll tell you all about it when she returns."
Hurry back Lola, I want to compare wine notes
Back now, HIAMA. Happy to compare notes.
Hello, everyone! I'm back...the sea air was so refreshing! Do you like my new scarf, Lola? You may borrow it if you like. The colors would look wonderful on you. Did you bring back any of that Sauvignon Blanc? I'd love to try it. A glass of wine would be so welcome about now. Think I'll just sit here by the window and rest a little...
A note for me, Withers? From Hiama?... (opens note & reads)
Oh my! How long has he been gone! I must pack my bags at once! Lola, did you say something about a "clicker"? What-are-they-and-how-do-they-work? How-fast-can-you-get-me-one?Where-in-Venice-will-he-be?HowwillIfindhim?IhavetogoNOW!!! (slips on marble floor of hallway, loses one shoe, picks it up and rushes out....)
(rushes back in...) I forgot! I need the clicker! Hurry!
Lola makes a quick call to Wassau at the Cafe 101.
"Wassie, bring a clicker fast, Visitor needs to keep a date in Venice."
In less than 3 minutes (Blossom must have run) Blossom appears at the door to Lola's salon and hands over the clicker.
"Ok, Visitor," says Lola, "just push this button while thinking of Venice and you'll be there. Coming back will be by the same procedure."
Before Lola can go any further with the explanations, Visitor disappears.
"Gee," says Lola, "I hope she understands all the eccentricities of that little clicker devise. Oh, she'll probably be ok. HIAMA knows how to use the thing. Let's hope he's in control of his faculties........oh now that I think of it, they'll be fine."
Turning to Withers, Lola says, "be a darling Withers and ask cook to order a few cases of this wine. And I'd like to have it here right away. Thanks, dear."
Have what here right away ???? THE MIND BOGGLES
Ooh, this can't be right! (shivers) Fourteen inches of snow and it's still coming down...Am I in Venice??? Oh no! I was thinking about Hiama and his comment about Antarctica!!! Let me try this again...
Hiama welcomes Diane and tells her that the clicker lag only last a few minutes .
He pours her a glass of Saints Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc 2002 , gold medal winner in the Sydney 2003 Intermnational Wind cmpetitio, " gooseberries and elderflower " and lets her lie down for an hour before they order the gondala to take them to dinner later that night.....
(DIANE?!?!?!)
(Portentia looks at the clicker.) Let me try this thing again! (closes eyes and thinks of Rialto Bridge)...(click)...Ahhhh, Venice! And there is that handsome Hiama with a rose, in a gondola just beneath the bridge.
Bbbbbut......
Who is that lady with him? Did he get tired of waiting for me?
All sounds a bit suss. in the hallowed halls. Hands knees and bumps a daisy, a touch of hanky panky or even a little slap and tickle before bedtime
there you go, oak..........you seem to understand so well. Here, have a glass of wine and a bit of chocolate before bedtime.
Good night all................
HIAMA and Portentia.........watch out, but have an excellent time.
And where is Diane anyway? Withers, Withers? Have you seen Diane? Did we leave her in the lost woods or the forgotten works where YOU MIGHT GET LOST? Or by the lake with that sword? Oh no! Diane???????
HofT and Stradee, we may be in need of your flying machines. Diane may need rescue.
Timber, Danon, BillW? Have you seen Diane about?
Hiama, the double crossing Lothario is rubbing a raw steak in his eye. The redoubtable Visitor was not happy that he had already been romancing Diane whilst awaiting her arrival. The clicker's immediate transferance had caught him in flagrante delicto in the Palazzo Ducale. Visitor gave him a right hander and Diane joined in with an uppercut once she realised that he had been doing the dirty on them both.
Hiama is distraught and goes off to join a monstery started by his good firend Gautam.
and Letty stands quietly in the wings watching the entire drama unfold, barely able to suppress a giggle. Letty knows exactly where Diane is and what she is doing, but has been sworn to secrecy.....
Meanwhile, the world holds its breath.
<HofT, who's heard the appeal of her good friend Lola, logs in from hot spot at airport to help out Hiama>
Yo, Hiama! Your problem is surviving long enough to optimize countours?! Got good news for you: Cauchy solved it before for the general case, though whether this solution can be extended to ladies' contours is not proven:
http://mathworld.wolfram.com/CauchyIntegralFormula.html
Just define z(0)=visitor, and remember you're free to allow radius r to shrink to 0 - and if that doesn't work, post here: have superfast Fourier transforms for optimizing massively parallel array processing as fallback <G>
(Portentia looks at her hands after slugging Hiama)
Damn, I broke a nail. It was worth it, though. (thinks for a second) I might have just enough time to get it repaired before Hiama tires of the monastery. Really, he won't last a day there...
(giggles to self)...I know! I'll put on my lowest-cut evening gown and click myself right into the monastery...
(click)
she's got Marty Feldman eyes but we love the bumpy bits.
The bumpy bits ? Is that a pointed comment ?
