Lola's Salon

The lightbulb are color corrected for light therepy. Good for a gloomy winter day (hey, that does actually work and they now make portable lamps for that very thing -- they're on the Internet although I haven't set up a wholesale account for them yet).

In the meantime, don't chew them up a swallow them as I have no homophobic...er...homoerotic...er...homeopathic remedy for that. Oh, hell, just watch "Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss" tonight and that will conteract any bad effects from eating the light bulbs. I think I've had too many of the cheap champagne Mimosas so I'm going to jump into a cold shower.

Keep the salon lit up so I can find my way back in.

Lola arrives in the kitchen looking for food. She's been sleeping so soundly, she feels comfortable. No need to be lit up for the moment. Thank you Lightwizard for the offer, maybe later. I wish I could see "Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss" but I'm meeting with a group of psychoanalysts to discuss "Before the Rain". Too bad I'm not two people, or 10 or 70 for that matter.

Lola sits down at the big kitchen counter to eat her tuna sandwich with fruit salad. Turning to PaL she says, "you really made me laugh last night, you're especially funny lately. Oh, and what happened on the charades game? I may be a little dense, too many flashing lights and champagnes last night."

Ooooh, the Manchevski film about Bosnia? Great movie but haven't seen it for over six years. One to rent or even buy on DVD. (Lightwizard again breaks into the fantasy with those pesky reality things -- but Lola started it!)

Lola can do what she wants around here, and so can anyone, including you LW........well, almost anything.

"I think I heard a muffled scream!" says jes, almost dropping her drink on a cat. "Ooh, sorry, kitty."

jes and LW go to the kitchen to investigate. Everything is in disarray. "You see any sign of Fifi?" asks LW. Jes shakes her head. "Look, that window is open! Is it a clue?"

Jes peers through the open window to the alleyway below. It would make a good escape route. "I think so, Mr. Wizard. Time to get on the case!"

"What ever Lo-ooooohhhhh-la wants . . .
Lo-oooohhhhhla gets . . . "

Croons Setanta as he strolls in. The pedestrians who just barely escaped with their limbs intact as he pulled up in Bessie (old green jeep) are still hurling imprecations from the street.

"Hey, any a youse guys know Damned Yankees?"

"Hmmph, you probably only remember the Kinks . . ."

"I met her in a club down in north Soho,
Where ya drink champagne and it taste just like Coca-Cola . . ."

As LW and Jes are sticking their heads out the kitchen window, they see Fifi, climbing a ladder further down on the side of the house. "What is she doing?" asks Jes shaking her head, "where is she going?"

LW looks at Jespah and shrugs his shoulders. "She went into a window back here," say LW as he and Jes walk down a long hallway toward the back of the house. They pass a small bedroom at the top of some stairs, going both up and down. The room is well furnished and very neat. There's one simple candle burning on the writing table next to the bed. It looks like it must be the Butler's quarters. As they stand in the hallway, looking down the stairs and into the room, they see Fifi walk through a door that must be the bathroom and past them, stopping to curtsy before continuing calmly back to the kitchen. Jes and LW laugh and walk back toward the living room.

As they arrive in the living room, they see Setanta as he enters the front door. And P&L asks Jeffers to put on an old record she found in the library. setanta is greeted by ehBeth and dlowan.

In the background the music plays, "She came in through the bathroom window............."

(Sorry folks, I was a little short on time and had trouble knowing where to go once I got started.)

Yes -- "You Gotta Have Heart!"

Lightwizard pulls up in the Wizardmobile which has been customized and overhauled so many times, it looks more like the Batmobile as depicted by Salvador Dali. Or maybe an Algis photograph. I have brought some overstock of old sitcom scripts which just didn't burn as well for fuel as the soap opera scripts (not racy enough).

"Break open some more champagne," I hollar, "It's Saturday Night!!"

Lola greets LW as Withers opens the front door for him. "Jeffers," says Lola, "open a bottle of champagne, it's Saturday night."

Diane enters in a cloud of delicate perfume trailing a feather boa, followed by Felix Noir (no relation to Guy), her handsome black cat. She isn't aware that Felix has been batting at her boa and has left the trailing end looking terribly scruffy.

She spots Lola and rushes over to give her a kiss as she glances at the guests to see who has the best possibilities. Hmmm, seems the possibilities are endless tonight.

Her nose crinkles as she sips the champagne Jeffers poured for her. Diane has become rather high maintenance as she's grown older and she refuses to drink cheap champagne. Luckily, she knows where Lola keeps the good stuff. As she enters the pantry, a hand grabs her where only a few hands have ever been allowed to grab.

With a slap and a kick, Jeffers, Fifi and Diane all fall out of the pantry in a tumble of bodies, sprawling on the kitchen floor. Lola rushes in, visibly upset with Jeffers and Lola. "When will you two learn a little control? Fifi, didn't I just see you out on the fire escape?"

"Oh Diane, I'm so sorry for the inexcusable behavior of my servants. She wonders why Diane doesn't reply; instead she is looking in horror at her boa. A little grab is nothing compared to being disheveled. She rushes into the bathroom to see what can be done to repair the damage. Spotting a pair of nail scissors, she snips off the end of the boa, cursing Felix Noir under her breath.

Back in the living room, seated near the fire, Diane leans in to visit with Peace and Love and Jespah. They are taking bets on whether or not Phoenix ends the night with the attractive professor. The sparks are flying between the lovely Phoenix and the professor, eyes are shining and there isn't a light bulb in sight. This is serious.

<Re-enter Merry Andrew, solus. His lips don't move. His soliloquy is heard as a voice-over.>

So now I know how Fifi did it. Gad!
Diversions dire. So many roads do lead
to aboslutely dead end spots. No fear.
Wel'll set this right now that the Wizard's here.

But it's not her, of course. The crone's a clone,
and that's for sure. A doppleganger fair,
an imitation maid. What next? I guess
this august company is in distress.

Ah, but they know it not! They feast, they drink
all unaware that danger lurks behind
each smile, each look, each glass with cubes of ice.
What will it take them, then, to realize?

As the crowd settles down to a low, pleasant and intellectual discussion about the price of gasloine in 1965, Lola follows the light shining underneath the library door. Withers has made sure the fire had been kept burning warmly for Trevor who is still hard at work.

Lola sits down quietly in the comfortable chair in front of the fireplace with a glass of Grand Marnier and a small plate of chocolate covered strawberries.

After a short time, Trevor looks up from his writing at Lola. "I've been in the mood today," says Trevor. "Do you want to read what I've got ?"

Lola holds out her hand and smiles as Trevor sits down on the arm of her chair. Handing her a stack of paper, Trevor takes a drink from Lola's Grand Marnier and leans back, tired but satisfied.

"The Inconstant Maid". reads Lola. "What an interesting title. Do you mean a maid like Fifi or a maid in the sense of a young woman?"

"Both." says Trevor, sipping his drink. "As you know, I've been inspired somewhat by the Canterbury Tales so I have something of a modern idea for a journey-type tale which interweaves the tales of all of the travelers. Or perhaps we could play that as a game downstairs?"

"Downstairs?" says Lola, slinking a bit closer. "I have to say, Trevor, I'm really enjoying the upstairs."

Fifi has gotten into the left over champagne and is emulating "The Weaver's Tale" by weaving out of the kitchen. I don't know if she revealed this to anyone else but she has a mental disorder knows as Elmer Fudd syndrome. That also explains why she has gone out the front door saying, "I'm weaving."

Lola sits back in her chair and reads Trevor's writing. It is lovely and demonstrates promise. As she reachs the end, Lola looks up at Trevor and says, "a romantic tale with a tragic outcome. Why must your stories always be so profoundly tragic? I wonder why you don't recognize that tragedy is only one component of life. There are other forms of pleasure and gratification than tragedy, as tempting as it is for everyone. How much better it would have been had Romeo waited a few minutes before drinking his poison. Together Romeo and Juliet might have lived long lives together and helped populate the world with children less obsessed with killing their neighbors. I love the way your story is filled with misery and pleasure intermingled. It's the tragic ending I'm having trouble with. It seems such an easy road to take."

Trevor sips his drink and looks again at the story he has written.

Meanwhile Fifi goes to bed to sleep off her hangover, vowing as she passes into a deep sleep to be a better maid tomorrow.

Lola is up early on a Monday morning. She slept so well, even the cloudy sky isn't enough to keep her in bed. As she dresses, Lola switches on the TV in her bathroom. Rain later and turning colder. Still not discouraged, Lola decides to stroll through the park before the weather catches up to New York.

Downstairs, Lola stops by the kitchen for a cup of coffee and an orange juice. Fifi, working with unusual diligence, appears to be trying to climb into the frig in her effort to clean it out. Lola laughs and Fifi jumps, bumping her head on the shelf.

"Good morning, Fifi," says Lola as she sits down at the table by the window.

"Oh, good morning," says Fifi sheepishly. "Are you up already?"

"Yes, I think I'll walk around the park a bit," says Lola with a yawn. "No need to wake Kathryn before she gets up. I'll eat breakfast later. Would you like to get out of the house, Fifi, come with me?"

Fifi shuts the door of the frig and takes off her apron. "Sounds very nice to me," says Fifi. I'll just change my shoes."

As the friends leave the house they check to see that Withers is awake and ready to answer the door, in case someone comes by for breakfast.

Lola and Fifi stroll along the busy morning street toward the park. The crisp morning air clears their heads, thankfully, after too much partying the night before.

After a stop at the local coffee shop, they continue on to a park bench where they watch the nannies and runners pass by. The warmth of the cups and smell of steaming coffee adds to the delight of being a part of this typical New York morning.

Um, Fifi, was there a nun at the party last night? I can't quite remember if I was dreaming or not, but I could swear that I saw a nun with some good pieces of jewelry. She was talking about going to the St. Thomas Becket Inn with some other people. I remember she asked if I would like to join the group of travelers.

Just then, Diane and Peace and Love jog by, quickly stopping to say hello." Did you two happen to see a nun at the party?" asks Lola. It's driving me crazy, wondering if I was dreaming or if she was really there.

The two joggers look at each other with surprise and explained that Trevor had been talking to the nun, who came very late to the party. "They seemed to be talking about some kind of journey."

Under her breath, Lola whispers, "What is he up to now?"

Diane, Jespah, Fifi and Lola decide to return to Lola's house for a Monday brunch with mimosas, scrambled eggs and toast. And on the way, the women decide they will wait and see about the nun.

Lightwizard wanders back in after tooling around the Wizardmobile trying to find Fifi but Fifi was in the saloon...er...salon all along. The girls are all milling around trying to catch up on the gossip but everyone has been behaving themselves so they ask me, "Please, please, do something outre quick."
Everone that know me knows that is no problem.