Lola's Salon

Dlowan enters, quietly, and watches the crowd from a corner - happy that she arrived late and has no lightbulb in her mouth.

Champagne? Hah! Seltzer water. Where is the single malt? Who can speak? Who will know?

Oscar and Miranda follow her to the bar - looking elegant and sophisticated - but wondering a little about Jack and Cleo and Bailey.

What single malts do they have here, she asks of the room...

Fifi has dusted me off so I figure it's time to leave.

I'll be back with enough lightbulbs for everyone tomorrow. I'm thinking Xenon or Halogen. That should get everyone lit even though the champagne was cleverly dyed and flavored seltzer water poured into Roderer Crystal bottles.

"Hey, Deb!"

Andrew stumbles over to dlowan, almost tripping over Craven and P&L in the process.

"D'ju just git in from Oz? How wash your flight? Here." He pulls a flask from his inside jacket pocket. "Have a drap of poteen."

Peace&Love, who is really happy to see that Deb has arrived safely, attempts to give her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. However, the lightbulb gets in the way and every time PaL tries to say "hi" to Deb, the lightbulb gets brighter and brighter. Deb is watching in amazement. Her cats, Oscar and Miranda, exchange feline glances and flick the ends of their tails. PaL smiles at the kitties, which causes the lightbulb to emit small electrical lightning flashes. Jack, super Border Collie, otherwise referred to as 'Mr. Energy' gets a contact high (of the energy kind) from the lightning flashes. He is anxious to meet Oscar and Miranda. In his excitement, he runs head-on into the back-end of Peace&Love, which causes the lightbulb to dislodge and sail across the room, landing in Phoenix's champagne glass. The young philosopher cocks his head sideways, thinking that somewhere in this bizarre scenario is a deeper meaning of life. Phoenix smiles at him while brushing some champagne from her dress.

Lola emerges from the kitchen, with Fifi in tow. She pulls Fifi across the room and up the stairs.

Jeffers, who looks immaculate in his butler's tux, calmly walks about the living room with a tray of hors d'oeuvres.

Merry Andrew grabs an hors d'oeuvre and washes it down with a swig from his flask.

Craven, who is still under the table, mumbles something in his sleep and curls up, pulling the tablecloth slowly over himself like a blanket. Everyone watches in horror as the tablecloth and all the dishes slowly move towards the edge of the table. Lightbulbs start to flash as people try to call out for help. Passers-by on the street notice the sudden explosions of bright light and wonder about Lola's latest fun party games. Just in time, Craven rolls back in the other direction and loosens his hold on the tablecloth. Jeffers quickly (and calmly) rearranges the tablecloth and all the dishes.

Lola re-enters from the staircase, totally unaware of the near disaster, smiling at all her quests.

Meanwhile, dlowan and Oscar and Miranda are overwhelmed with joy at finally seeing Merry Andrew and the now be-lightbulbed Peace and Love.

They scoop them into a warm, cuddly, furry, purry hug and kiss them enthusiastically on both cheeks several times.

Then Dlowan equally enthusiastically accepts Merry Andrew's offer of the poteen - while Jack and the cats make friends by sniffing - well, never mind - they make friends.

Now - says Dlowan - did I hear someone mention that ehBeth and Craven are here? She searches around for ehBeth - noting amusedly that her first sight of Craven is of him under a table.

He'll keep, she thought - and continued to seek out Beth....

[sings]There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, Dear Liza. There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza a hole.[/sings]

singing Well, fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry, well fix it dear Henry, dear Henry fix it. singing

With what will I fix it dear Liza dear Liza with what will I fix it dear Liza with what?

oh, hi there Craven, it's you still under the table. Oh, de ja vue................ Haven't we been in a similar situation before?

Lola looks around the room and sees that everyone is content.

"Oh, PaL," says Lola, "you look so calm and composed, and dlowan, you're smiling, did someone tell a joke?" Not only has Lola had a little too much champagne, but she has little flashers in her eyes from the reflextion of the light bulbs. She's also very sleepy and so takes off her shoes, drapes her fringed robe over the back of the chair, asks Jeffers if he'll clean up when everyone settles down, says good night to everyone and walks slowly up the stairs to bed.

Ummmm, let's see, Craven, how does she fix it? Let me think.........................

Geeezzzz I'm not coming up with it..........let's see. What would one fix a hole in a bucket with?

With stwaw!

OK OK Now I remember.



With straw dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry, with straw dear Henry, with straaaaaw fix it.

jes stumbles in at the appearance of all of the flashing lights. Hercules the dog follows her and howls a Hello at Jack and the other critters. jes finds Fifi. "Say, does Jeffers have any of those little canapés? You know, the kind with the tiny tortillas, a dollop of guacamole and a smidgen of cheese?"

Fifi annoyedly points to the portrait of Dubya, covered as it is in hors d'ouevres. "Jeffers and I will be cleaning that off for a week! Still, it's a bit safer than using darts. Has the rain eased up at all?"

"No, and I'm sorry Herc shook most of the water off on the front carpeting."

"Quite all right; it's washable." says Fifi. "Oh, there are still some canine canapés in the kitchen. I'll get some for Hercules. And we don't have any more guacamole - not even in the bowl it was mixed in - but most of the cheese plate is left. It's over there...."

on that table, where Craven and Lola are singing happily of mending buckets with straw. (Aside: HOW?)

The merry singers are totally lost in their ditty and fail to notice a rush of guests to the cheese which Fifi has pointed out.

The assembled animals rush too, and with rather too much enthusiasm - soon poor Lola and Craven find themselves, dittyless and without their footing, in a sea of fur and whiskers.

A strained silence fills the room as Lola and Craven disappear briefly in the melee, then the animals, who are variously licking and rubbing against the two humans who have so kindly joined them on the floor, are called to order by their various humans.

Somewhat nervously everyone awaits the reaction of Lola, who

...Lola, who hears something thumping at the door. She opens the door, and in slides the Seal, smelling of fermented herring.

The dogs come over for a sniff, but finding that the Seal has no tail, can't tell where it is they are supposed to sniff.

Bark! Bark!

OrkOrkOrk!

(I've always despised the bucket song. Henry and Liza are just so damn dysfuntional that it reminds me of my first marriage...)

Light comes tangoing (very George Raft) in and notices everyone is drinking fake Roderer Cristal Bloody Marys. Shocked that anyone would make Bloodys with even fake Cristal, I ask for some orange juice to make a proper after party night concoction, a Mimosa. Shocked again that someone has found me out and replaced the fake champagne in the fancy bottles with Cook's.

Everyone had decided it was a bad cocktail party if nobody can speak so they've moved the lightbulbs to their ears. However, I am now finding I now have to talk into everyone's good ear.

Ah, well, whatever Lola wants, Lola gets.

Theme song for the salon.........whatever Lola wants.........and she wants a lot

Lola kisses seal and Hercules and thinks of the seals at Cafe 101 a few blocks away. She decides when she gets up, she'll go over and see them But for now, Lola sleeps

Hi dlowan, welcome. Have you had one of Light Wizard's light bulbs? They're very good for your health

Sometimes the words came. Other times, most times, he just sat there with a head full of cement, the screen as bleak and empty as a Detroit junkie whore's future. But tonite felt like one of the rare good ones. Good smoke and good looking women always inspired him, at least they did for a while.

Trevor slipped away from the animated group who were standing around the grand, walked past other conversations in the hallway and stepped quietyly into Lola's library, closing the door behind him. Sitting down at the large mahogony desk, he took his fountain pen from the breast pocket of his sport coat, and began going through the drawers in search of paper. The second drawer he opened was filled almost to the top with fine white vellum. He picked a half dozen or so sheets and lifted them to briefly to his nose, then layed the pile down, and began writing.

Peace&Love, who is sitting on the piano bench next to the musician who often comes to Lola's Salon, glances up just long enough to notice Trevor leaving the room with a wistful expression on his face. PaL begins to stand up, but discovers that her equilibrium is off due to the lightbulb in her ear. She tips over sideways. Reaching out to break her fall, her elbow lands on the piano's keyboard, very much out of key.

"Oops. Sorry."

"What did you say?"

"I don't think I know that song."

"No, it's silk."

"What?"

Finally adjusting to the odd sensation of having a lightbulb in her ear, PaL walks over to the window to see if it's still raining. She sits on the arm of an over-stuffed chair and pulls the heavy draperies aside. Outside, New York City is bustling. The rain has eased to a gentle mist. Taxis are hurrying their fares to the opera, or maybe to an Italian restaurant on 68th Street where they will dine with old friends. Two women walk by with cameras around their necks, looking up at the buildings and pointing. Tourists. Probably from the Pacific Northwest, because they don't seem to mind the rain. One of the women notices PaL in the window. PaL smiles, and the lightbulb emits a warm glow. The woman tourist stops and stares. PaL grabs a lampshade and holds it over her head. She waves as the tourists continue down the street.

As PaL is returning the lampshade to its proper place, Lola suggests playing Charades. PaL loves Charades. She jumps up and says, "Me Me Lola... I've got one!!"

"OK Everyone take a seat. Watch closely." PaL opens her hands, as if she's holding a book.

"Book."

PaL gives a thumbs-up.

"Two Words."

Another thumbs-up.

"First Word."
"Lightbulb"
"Light"
"Bright"
"Clear"
"White"

A thumbs-up.

"Second Word."
"Smell"
"Odor"
"Stink"
"Vase"
"Plant"
"Smell"
"Flower"

A loud bang from the kitchen momentarily interrups the game. Fifi can be heard trying to muffle a scream. Or, perhaps, someone is holding their hand over her mouth. Everyone cups their hands around their one good ear, staring at the door to the kitchen.........