Lola's Salon

and c. i. has the fun begun yet?

Lola's Salon
Stradee catches laughing gas canister from bridge leap <wow, what a head rush> saving fishies from probable drowning by giggling ~

"Hi Hoft" greets Stradee "good to see you"!!

Timber banks new supersonic A-10 <tipping wings greeting vw finally reaching the end of the bridge where steam engine whooshes past, all breathing a sigh of relief but placing bungie cords on stand by for next canyon run/

Stradee waves to all/ sets coordinates for wild horse herd last seen
near Rockies pass where Stradee will guide them across the border

blatham, driver slash dictator, sees a Credence Clearwater disc approaching the cd player and throws it out the window..."Nooooo, not on The Purple Pandemonium" he berates, then orders the lady back to her seat upstairs. She doesn't mind, because the carpet is going all twirly, and the insulation on the inside walls of the bus might be exploded egg yolk, and the world, this afternoon, is full of wonder. The very large black loudspeaks, welded to the cab of the bus and sticking out at 45% angles so from behind the bus looks like Mickey Mouse iin a purple and orange clown suit, start pumping Tom Waits "Pasties and a G-String" as the bus rolls onto the Queen of Prince Rupert, pride of the BC Ferries fleet.

"Wrinkles and Cherry and Twinkie and Pinkie
And Fifi live from Gay Paree
Fanfares, rim shots(6), backstage, who cares
All this hot burlesque for me

"Cleavage, cleavage, thighs and hips
From the nape of her neck to the lipstick lips
Chopped and channeled and lowered and lewd
And the cheater slicks(7) and baby moons
She's a-hot and ready, creamy and sugared
And the band is awful and so are the tunes

"Crawlin' on her belly, and shakin' like jelly
And I'm gettin' harder than Chinese algebra-ssieres
And cheers from the compendium here
Hey sweetheart, they're yellin' for more
You're squashin' out your cigarette butts on the floor"

HofT - Helen. It's been a while since our paths converged. Good to hear from you again. I trust you are sound in both wind and limb. I looked back over that Doggie thread of mine. It was good to review it after a gap of several months. We haven't got another dog, due mainly to my own health not being up to scratch. It wouldn't be right to have a dog if I couldn't look after him properly.

Diane you asked for another song. Hope my choice is suitable for you. It's by one of my all time greats


1 bourbon, 1 scotch, 1 beer
(John Lee Hooker)

Wanna tell you a story
About the house-man blues
I come home one Friday
Had to tell the landlady I'da lost my job
She said that don't confront me
Long as I get my money next Friday
Now next Friday come I didn't get the rent
And out the door I went

So I goes to the landlady
I said you let me slide?
I'll have the rent for you in a month
Next I don't know
So said let me slide it on you know people
I notice when I come home in the evening
She ain't got nothing nice to say to me
But for five year she was so nice
Loh' she was lovy-dovy
I come home one particular evening
The landlady said you got the rent money yet?
I said no, can't find no job
Therefore I ain't got no money to pay the rent
She said I don't believe you're tryin' to find no job
Said I seen you today you was standin' on a corner
Leaning up against a post
I said but I'm tired, I've been walkin' all day
She said that don't confront me
Long as I get my money next Friday
Now next Friday come I didn't have the rent
And out the door I went

So I go down the streets
Down to my good friend's house
I said look man I'm outdoors you know
Can I stay with you maybe a couple days?
He said let me go and ask my wife
He come out of the house
I could see it in his face
I know that was no
He said I don't know man ah she kinda funny, you know
I said I know, everybody funny, now you funny too
So I go back home
I tell the landlady I got a job, I'm gonna pay the rent
She said yeah? I said oh yeah
And then she was so nice
Loh' she was lovy-dovy
So I go in my room, pack up my things and I go
I slip on out the back door and down the streets I go
She a-howlin' about the front rent, she'll be lucky to get any back rent
She ain't gonna get none of it
So I stop in the local bar you know people
I go to the bar, I ring my coat, I call the bartender
Said look man, come down here, he got down there
So what you want?

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
Well I ain't seen my baby since I don't know when
I've been drinking bourbon, whiskey, scotch and gin
Gonna get high man I'm gonna get loose
Need me a triple shot of that juice
Gonna get drunk don't you have no fear
I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

But I'm sitting now at the bar
I'm getting drunk, I'm feelin' mellow
I'm drinkin' bourbon, I'm drinkin' scotch, I'm drinkin' beer
Looked down the bar, here come the bartender
I said look man, come down here
So what you want?

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
No I ain't seen my baby since the night before last
Gotta get a drink man I'm gonna get gassed
Gonna get high man I ain't had enough
Need me a triple shot of that stuff
Gonna get drunk won't you listen right here
I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

Now by this time I'm plenty high
You know when your mouth a-getting dry you're plenty high
Looked down the bar I say to my bartender
I said look man, come down here, he got down there
So what you want this time?
I said look man, a-what time is it?
He said the clock on the wall say three o'clock
Last call for alcohol, so what you need?

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
No I ain't seen my baby since a nigh' and a week
Gotta get drunk man till I can't even speak
Gonna get high man listen to me
One drink ain't enough Jack you better make it three
I wanna get drunk I'm gonna make it real clear
I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

(driver/dictator nods to the choice of John Lee Hooker as The Purple Pandemonium careens past wide-eyed flagpersons and into the deep bowels of the Queen of Prince Rupert, destination Saltspring Island)

"Oof." says jes, wondering what the heck she's wandered into, and why the sun is suddenly blue as the sky turns yellow. She shrugs. "Eh, whatever."

Blatham --- I trust that Saltspring Island is more akin to Bermuda than Death Valley. And that we have satelite navigation.

PaL and Jack (super Border Collie) are still lounging in a LazyBoy Recliner chair on the upper deck of "The Purple Panemonium". PaL is glad that the bus has a name. When the bus begins to rock slowly back and forth, side to side, she looks over the railing and sees water.

"Hey! We're on a ferry boat! Look, Jack, at all the seagulls!"

"Woof!"

Blatham says, "We're on our way to Salt Spring Island."

PaL whips her laptop computer out of her big tote bag and does a Google search for Saltspring Island.....

http://tourismmall.victoria.bc.ca/saltspng.htm

http://www.vancouverisland.com/regions/towns/?townID=257


As the ferry cruises along, PaL is awestruck by the beauty of this area.

oldandnew

We most assuredly do not have satellite naviagation. We are old-tech friendly - we pull over anytime we might pass a pretty young lady and inquire as to directions - she answers whatever - we invite her on board and then simply continue heading in that compass direction which, comtemplated with closed eyes, makes the skin on our stocky forearms tingle. This is how you get to Saltspring.

Saltspring Island is more like Bermuda than Death Valley in the same way that pancakes are more like a hummingbird than a sermon from Pat Robertson.

blatham, the bit about being old tech friendly i can appreciate, particularly the bit about the pretty young lady. More visions of lovlelyness to jog elderly and distant memories.

As to your 2nd paragraph all I can say is, excuse moi, je non comprenez vous. je non parlez le terminology de le monde.

dear old fart

I'm suggesting, in the manner of a bad poet with enough metaphors shoved helter skelter in his pockets such that he'd sink like a cliched stone in the kiddie's pool, that Saltspring is quite unlike the two options you have limited me to.

Does this clarify?

John: please consider that Blatham (driver/dictator of Lola's Salon Magical Mystery Tour Bus) uses novel communication codes and navigation systems. Standard coordinates for British Columbia are still on standby, in case you need them >>

Dawson Creek 55° 44' N 120° 11' W
Fort Nelson 58° 50' N 122° 35' W
Kamloops 50° 43' N 120° 25' W
Nanaimo 49° 11' N 123° 58' W
New Westminster 49° 13' N 122° 54' W
Penticton 49° 28' N 119° 36' W
Prince George 53° 53' N 122° 41' W
Prince Rupert 54° 17' N 130° 23' W
Trail 49° 8' N 117° 44' W
Vancouver 49° 11' N 123° 10' W
Victoria Co 48° 25' N 123° 19' W

>> but Blatham's codes lead to magical mystery locations not appearing on any of the satellites coordinate grids. Nor do his Frequency Approaches Reversal Timelines (F.A.R.T.) appear on standard abbreviations lists - a literal interpretation is inadvisable <G>

oldandnew

My apologies if my responses seemed incomplete or confusing. But as you can see, not only am I navigating this large and poorly maintained purple bus into the loading bay of the ferry, I am policing the music which goes into the cd player, flirting with younger women and older women, and all this while trying desperately to find the cigarette that is burning a hole in my khaki slacks.

blatham, A blueboy driving a purple bus only clashes, especially if the bay water is green. c.i.

Do not forget the orange (swirling subtly in with the purple exterior paint). We do not (that's the dictatorial 'we') think clashing an aesthetic mistake. We are like Cristo, though too stoned to be nearly so ambitious.

Ah blathan --- the trials and tribulations of resposibility must hang heavy, like a myriad of millstones upon your shoulders. Tis time for you to deligate some tasks to a lesser being, spread the load so to speak. Time perhaps to take time out, to chill out with your favorite "squeeze of the month". To play some soothing music on your personal CD machine. May I suggest the 1812 overture. You could loop that loud bit where the great big gun goes BANG and you could chant old seadog sayings, such as "shiver me timbers" and "splice the mainbrace" and "keelhaul the skirvy bums Mr. Cristian" and my favorite, "walk the plank sailor". You could always get a parrot instead. Less grief and heartache and a great talking point. I prefer a walking stick myself, needs less training and is better behaved.

HofT === Helen, I take note of your numbers, as I reach nonchaly for a non filter Lucky Strike, but isn't Dawson's Creek a Teenagers TV soap opera. My Zippo lights first time. Could it be they are all TV shows, containing subliminal messages.
Just a passing thought dear lady.

Lola's Salon
Stradee thanks Hoft for Trail coordinates <Palamino tired of walking around in circles followed by 200 head of Canadian wild horses> when suddenly from behind a meadow of scrub pines, a gentleman suddenly appears walking slowing astride a dapple gray Morgan.

"Howdy ma'am", perfect day for horseback riding".

Stradee says " Why good morning officer, just thought I'd check out Canada's sites along the Trail ~ picked up a few companions along the way
<sheeet > Stradee must think fast <yeah right with remnents of dancing colors hopping playfully from iris to iris>

"Well ma'am, just so happens we've a Bill of sale for 300,000 acres here.
Signed by members of the Magical Mystery Tour. Says the land can only be used till infinity for Canada's wild horses".

"Stradee answers <mulitcolored tears beginning to well> "Thank you officer, as she waves happily, whispering to wild horse herd leader to follow the Morgan to their new, safe, home."

Stradee nuzzles palamino and clicks dear horse to Lola's stables, resets WCN where tour bus slowly disenbarks ferry/ landing Saltspring Island.

"Hi guys" Stradee waves ~ "Nice pants, Blath"

From a distance, Stradee hears herd leader whisper/singing to rest of herd

A Brand New Day ~ Everybody Rejoice

Everybody look up
And feel the hope
That we've been waiting for
Everybody be glad
Because our silent fear
And dread are gone

Freedom, you see-
Has got our hearts singing joyfully,
Just look about
You owe it to yourself
To check it out

Let's show the world the we've
got liberty-
It's such a change
For us to live so independently

Freedom, you see-
Has got our hearts singing joyfully
Just look about
You owe it to yourself
To check it out

Helen, thank you for the link to John's thread. It is, quite possibly, one of the loveliest, most moving threads on abuzz. Isn't it wonderful that no one interrupted with some inane comment?

John, I hope you and your wife were able to find another dog after your move. You will obviously give any pet a world of love and comfort.

Disembarking from the bus, Diane notices Stradee waiting for the group with a huge smile and an aura that glows with happiness. She thanks the Magical Mystery Tour for donating the land to the safety of Canada's wild horses.

Looking around, Diane decides that there will be no more brownies or booze until she has had a chance to explore this glorious island in all its natural beauty--it needs no chemical help.

Pssst, Lola, please take my warning about the Hotel California seriously; despite its many intriguing features, it is a place where "you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave." Spooky!

As the blues of John Lee Hooker fade in the background, the friends set off on a new adventure.

Yes -- a new adventure, as we tiptoe thru the tulips, headed for Dingly Dangly Dell, over the hills and far away and the dish ran away with a spoon. Tinkling music is called for i believe.

No Diane, we didn't get another dog. I would of done, but my own health I felt, which isn't good, prevented the idea. It wouldn't be possible to look after him properly and take him for walks.