Lola's Salon

"Well, my dear, you seem to be both naughty and nice." says Santa, pulling his boots back on. "Of course this will wreak havoc with my vast worldwide database of naughtiness versus niceness. One of the elves, a Systems Engineer, keeps the stats for me. Seems niceness is up this year, particularly after last year. Anyway, there's been an increase in overall global niceness, to the tune of 12%. So I'll put you in the nice column and you can be a part of the trend. Now, I hope Dancer is awake as that dang reindeer always falls asleep if I tarry too long."

A reindeer-like voice comes from the direction of the chimney. "Santa, it's almost morning! And what about Mrs. Claus?"

"Silly precocious reindeer." mutters Santa. Then, more loudly, he adds, directing his voice up the chimney, "Now, Blitzen, you know Mrs. Claus and I are separated." Then, a little more quietly, he says to Lola, "Between you and me, she was acting a bit like a ho, ho, ho."

"I see." says Lola, handing Santa his hat. "Call me!" she calls, as Santa places a finger next to his nose and flies up the chimney.

Prudence comes in with a tray. "Ma'am, I heard this distinct clatter on the rooftop. And then I saw a sleigh flying away, with eight tiny reindeer pulling it! Do you know anything about that?" She sets down the tray.

Lola dreamily responds. "Why, yes, I do. And between you and me, he really does shake like a bowl full of jelly."

"I imagine that kind of action could come in handy." winks Prudence, who disappears, giggling to herself.

And the radar workers at Norad that's been keeping track of Santa's sleigh were all mystified by the long stop at Lola's place. c.i.

You all are trying to fool me and make me believe that was really Santa, not Trevor all dressed up for his morning fun. Ho Ho Ho But you can't fool me......no siree.

With P&L's piano in the background, everyone in the livingroom wondered who that man in the red suit really was? Could it really have been Santa? Sort of a horny little guy, but very sweet, thinks Diane, Jes and Lola.

Mikey stumbles in all teary and nostalgic, in his cups and a little the worse for wear. Come on over here, Mikey, next to Diane, Jes and Lola. The fire will warm you as will our friendship. P&L's playing will be sure to cheer you up.

Stradee and HofT enter wearing their new Christmas outfits, which cheers Mikey immediately.

Feliz Navidad, everyone.

Pssssst..........Diane. Do you have any of those magic brownies tonight? I could sure use one (or two).

Hi Mikey, have sit here with us. Diane's going to go see if she can find that magic brownie recipe along with the ingredients. Fifi will make sure cook bakes them correctly and we'll all have some warm fun......including the help, I see.

i need more than magic brownies today,,,,,,boy am i paying for the Christmas glow i had on last night at Lola's. i feel like a truck ran over me....maybe a one of those brownies would help after all.

Alice B. Toklas brownies coming right up. I perfected the recipe in San Francisco in the 60's. Only the finest for this crowd.

'kind' brownies,,,,,thanks diane.

was i really singing irish ballads last night at Lola's, or was it some other clown?...i'm afraid to even look lol.

Ballads are always welcome at Lola's, especially when Peace and Love is at the piano.

i'm almost ready now, to sing another one,,,,but, i fear i'll empty the place with this one. i really really scared myself this afternoon when i walked passed the mirror and caught a glance of bigfoots ghost in the mirror again. just saw him again lol.
i need some brownies fast Diane. i need to chill awhile :-)

can i say **** on here in the song jespah?,,,,,dlowan did and got away with it earlier. i don't want to get booted ya know.

Suddenly, the front door burst open and danon with a crew grandly entranced with none other than Lola's gift - the meticulously carved Cockroach!! Danon said to the croud who gathered, 'Stagger back all you land lubbers for we have the meticulously carved Cockroach to present to me laaidy, the Mistress Lola!!'
Everyone immediately staggered back in awe at the sight of that miraculous piece of meticulously carved wood. And Mesquite wood at that!! The silence was deafening as the piece was placed in place in the place prepared for it ahead of time. The base of the Grand Staircase in the foyer leading to Lola's private rooms!
Lola, attracted by the initial commotion appeared at the head of the stairs and said,

'MIKEY!!! STOP WITH THE DAMN BALLADS ALREADY"

While Lola was momentarily struck dumb by the immensity of the cockroach, Diane whispered in Mikey's ear, "Come on, I want to hear the ballad. If you're careful, Jes will give you a little slack."

Hey, Danon, if the cockroach is here, hebba can't be far behind. Did he come with Piffka? Have they arrived safely? It will be wonderful to have everyone here again.

Rest assured Hebba's on his way and Piffka will surely be here to join up with Pearl shortly. danon said. We can then take a ride down Broadway to 5th Ave and see the sights. I think Scorpion wants to do that with Pearl.

Lola is so grateful, she asks Withers to ask the stable boy to quickly prepare a place by the stables for the fine cockroach. A tribute to Franz Zafka and a magnificient eye sore for Lola's riding guests.

Diane, quick, I need a brownie..............

"Oh well, never mind," says Lola. Giving up on copying a photo. Help! Does anyone want to help poor, dear Lola? She is technically undereducated.

Huddled by the stables behind Lola's townhouse are HofT, one guy from the FAA (Federal Aviation Administration), two guys from the NTSB (National Transportation Safety Board), a uniformed character who's liaison with NIMA (National Imagery and Mapping Agency), and 3 aeronautical engineers from the manufacturer of experimental jet - now fully repaired by Danon and ready for takeoff - calculating vortex flow field's sink rate in the very cold air over Manhattan.

Suddenly Withers appears with 3 stableboys, pulling a wheeled platform with a giant horizontal slice of Douglas Fir, carved and polished.

HofT: "What on earth is this, Withers?"
Withers: "I don't know, Madam. Ms. Lola simply asked that it be stored by the stables."
HofT: "It's obviously to be cut for firewood. Do you have enough stored in the house for all the fireplaces until New Year's Day?"
Withers: "Perhaps not, Madam, if Ms. Lola expects a very large guest party......" [To the 3 stableboys:]"Go ahead and chop it into chunks, none bigger than 5 inches across, or they won't burn properly. Then bring all the pieces to the back door and store them in the basement."
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(Danny Devito improv) Uuuuooh- Oooh!!!

"My goodness", says dlowan, stumbling into Lola's after a long and eventful absence, and gazing at the carved bug: "it's Gregor from 'Die Verwandlung'! How magnificently carved! But tell me, what have I missed? Did I hear something about ALICE B. TOKLAS brownies? Hubba hubba!"