How to meet people?

I've been catching up on some emails between ehbeth and blaise about this topic. Beth says I need to listen toand trust the eggs. She's got a good point. In my mid-20s I went on a mission to follow my instincts. I wound up with a very fun but totally f-d up life as a result. As crazy as it got, it was, in retrospect, what I needed before I could start growing up.

So, I need to start listening to, not just noticing, the eggs.

Man, that could be great. I could talk you up to cute chicks and you could give my number to cute guys..... it could work. I've gone out with guy friends, with that scheme in mind, before.

What do the eggs say? Do they see dead people?

Haha...you know, hanging out with women while meeting others is great..use them as "social proof." I've never really used my girl-friends for that though, at least not on purpose. I'll usually just walk around by myself and leave 'em behind. We've talked about it, but haven't devised a solid plan of attack. Girls definitely notice when you're with other females though, especially attractive ones.

Yeah, you could talk me up, alright. "Hey, see that guy, yeah, the one balancing the beer bottle on his head. Anyway, he's really cool. Met him on the 'net, yup. He's a good speller. Wanna meet him?"

Oh, so how has that scheme worked for you? How did you start it up?

Well, the scheme was never planned in detail. But, I've always had lots of guy friends. We'd go out or meet out and it would just sort of happen - we'd discuss the idea while out. I'm not sure if it ever worked for us. Not directly I guess. Maybe in the long run. But, again, that's in a situation where people know me from seeing me around in small towns and such. They get to know me and part of what they like is that I can hang with the guys. Or something.

Slappy, "come now, come now, don't be so dumb now" (Dr Suess). I think if there was a vote, you'd top the list for funniest a2ker (maybe that's not saying much). And, yeah, your spelling is good.

OH I forgot about the Magic 8 ball!

After I sold him the tape, and before he started "zoneing" er.. straightening up the shelves with me. He took the tape out to his car and he went to toys. He asked the magic 8 ball if I would say yes to him.. and it said, "Yes, most definately"

Perhaps its what gave him courage to be persistant. What ever it was it was cute!

Gen, aw...

The last gal kicked you to the curb hard enough to give you a scar on your ass, eh, Slappy? Those stillettos'l do it.

Yeah, the platonic boy-girl team works great. Highly recommend it.

What's with this cute flirty sailor guy? That sounds like something to pursue...? No?

Cute sailor guy is my bro-in-law's good friend. Bro-in-law seems to think he's the wrong guy for me to date. He's yummy. He and I helped my sis and family move house a few weeks ago.

Hmm. Lemme ask -- are you holding out for The One and only The One, everyone else a waste of time? I ask because generally I've found that a little fling can be a great first step toward finding something more substantial -- not necessarily with the flingee. (Speaking from obervations more than personal experience there.) Like, taking the edge off, then being more relaxed when Mr. Darcy (or whomever) comes along.

Yummy is good.

<Following the thread with great interest>

But it is not so easy for a gay man !!

Ever thought of trying those speed-dating things they have occasionally? I saw something about that on TV not so long ago. Singles sign up for this evening out at, say a bar, and they get ten minutes to sit and chat with someone. A bell rings when your ten minutes are up and you move on to the next table. I don't know how successful this could be but it could be a bit of a laugh and it would give you some practise and not be embarrassing since everyone there is doing the same thing! Maybe Slappy will go with you and you two could swap notes!

Soz, you hit the nail on the head. My ass is scarred multiple times over from being kicked, hit with various makeup items, ect, ect. And you're right about the flings. Sometimes you need to step up to the plate against an easier pitcher, hit a couple out to break the slump.

And Gautum, "gay men have it so hard?" Are you on crack? I mean, guys are constantly chasing for sex. Women typically hold it back for the relationship. Put a bunch of horny guys in a room who are attracted to guys...from what I hear, I can't go to a rest stop to get a BJ from a chick, but if I was a gay guy...or I can't go to a club and easily bang some chick in the bathroom, but if I was a gay guy in a gay club...am I wrong? I don't know, but it sounds like you've got it easier than I do!

I have a female friend who did the speed dating. She said all the guys sucked, and there were a lot of attractive girls. After the speed rounds were over, all the girls just kind of hung out and made fun of the dorks.

Yeah but the barmen might be cute!

Soz - I'm not really waiting for the one and only, but I am looking for long-term. I've had several short-term relationships over the last few years. The last one being last year. They definitely take the edge off! But, for the last 6 or 7 years, I've not had a comfortable long-term thing.

Heeven - I have tried speed-dating, actually, HurryDate, it was fun, but unproductive. I signed up with a Boston Singles Volunteer group, but hadn't ever made it to an event. I need to send them a new email address.

Slappy. Gay men can go to gay bars and find other gay men. But, in day-to-day mingling with people, it's not always obvious that a man they're talking to is gay. Not too many straight men would be cool with being hit on by a gay man. Plus, gays only make up about 10% of the population. When you hit on a woman, you have a 95% chance she's straight......

Of course some areas of the world harbor higher concentrations of gays and lesbians.

The only interesting guys at the hurrydate thing were friends of the coordinator's. They were filling slots for a pal/coworker - not interested in actually emailing anyone they met there.

Slappy, it is not abt sex !! Yeah I agree, getting "anonymous" sex is fairly easy when u r gay !! (btw, I dont go to gay clubs at all) - but what we are talking abt here (as lil'ole k rightly pointed out) is "meeting" people for reasons other than sex (initially). I am pretty sure that if I chat up a guy at my local store - I will be smashed. Put yrself in the other guy's postion. If a gay man approached you (and he is not homeless, midget or old ), how would you react ?

Sorry lil'k - I seem to be hijacking this !!

Ok, you've got a point. But being a guy, of course all I'm thinking about is "it's easier for them to get sex!" Guess it would be harder to walk up to another guy in somewhere like a mall or grocery store, considering he'd probably be straight. If a gay guy approached me, I wouldn't really care, I'd just let him know I'm into chicks if he hit on me.

S'ok Gautam - it's all about meeting people....

Slappy, darlin........when the makeup items were thrown, they hit you in the ass? This would indicate you had your back to her? Maybe heading out the door? This is only a conjecture on my part. But if it's close to true, you might try turning back around and trying a little bit longer. Often, if one continues after the point one feels like giving up, one gets what one wants.

If you engage with someone, which means get into it, disagree when necessary (and it's always eventually necessary) it feels good. Or at least it feels good to me.

Learn how to pick pockets.
Then walk up and give him his wallet "Hey, did you drop this?"

... might be worth a few bucks reward too.