How to meet people?

Codeborg ~ I like your style! Excellent! Games are so time consuming and wasteful!

And I'm also sorry that the female population has disillusioned you. Please keep trying!

I think you've made a very good point, CodeBorg

Codeborg - I know! You're right. I have made the first move and I have received the first move. But, there was always a spark before hand. I sparked, but didn't see any indication he even saw me. I could have said something, but really, I would have had to follow him into the eating section to do it. He was heading away from me when I first saw him.

Bah - anyway, I know you're right codeB - that's one of the reasons I started meeting people online. The situation in real life seems a bit hopeless. Of course, now I see online as pretty hopeless too.

Please forgive, I usually don't pay much attention to the whole 'want a guy thing'. But every few months....

Let's just say, I remember in my 20s hearing women talk about their biological clocks ticking. I thought it had everything to do with rearing children. It's much more than that. And, my eggs get louder as I get older. I don't even want a child.

Little k, I'm telling you.........you need to learn to flirt, girl.......you've got what it takes..........come on.........

Keep in mind that people are often happy to connect with a person who can be comfortable with her own desire to reach out. Comfortable meaning not too guilty or anxious about it.

Some situations are hopeless though.....he was walking away already. This would make it difficult unless you somehow managed to trip him accidently on purpose and he needed your assistance in getting up off the floor. Then the Diane Keaton thing just might work. Now that I think about it, that might have been a good plan. We all have 20/20 hindsight..............

k, you are a beautiful, sexy woman. Next week, you won't be actually LOOKING for him, but if you happen to accidentally spend a little extra time around the salad bar, and you happen to run into this guy again, and you happen to say something charmingly goofy about, say, the selection of olives...

Alternately, he may usually shop on Thursdays. That may be why you haven't seen him before. Maybe you just need to shake up the old routine a little!

Thanks for the encouragement all. I should hang out in the relationship threads more often! 'Course, now I've been mulling it over for the whole last hour...

Flirting is cool ... good experience, good practice, fun with people you basically have no interest in. But when that spark is there, yow, time to enjoy a whole new part of life! Enjoy the spark, indulge it. Live once but live!

LittleK, you recognized something about this guy at the market. The way he stood or looked, the peaceful expression on his face, or some sense of who he is. You knew that thing, whatever it was. You recognized him.


THE JOB
Honesty doesn't have to be glum. Sincerity doesn't have to be serious. Goofy is great!
1) Get in front of him, where he can see you.
2) Glance over, then recognize him and look straight at his face.
3) "Hey, I know you from somewhere. Where do I know you from?"

Be familiar. Be curious. Be casual. It's good to see him again.
The fact is you do recognize something about him.

"Do you go to the gym downtown? The art museum? The park? Do you work in the real estate office? Barbara Mason! You go to her workshops! No? I know I know you [ahem, just not yet]. Where do I know you from?"

I've seen this work great. In 60 seconds he gives you a list of places he goes to a lot, and the activities he's active in. Trying to solve the puzzle (guys are great when they have "something to do") you get his entire social resume! Instant profile.

The two people either shrug and walk away puzzled, wondering if they'll ever figure it out, or one thing leads to another and they have lunch the next day.


THE EXTENSION
It's a nuetral situation, no expectation, no real demands. It's open.
If your eyes are lit up with a spark, most guys won't recognize it until about 47 minutes later. Then they'll think about what they should have said, what they could have said, gosh, if they'd only been a little quicker, damn.

That's when you bump into them again and say "I'm still sure I know you. Have you figured anything out yet? Where'd you go to school?"

Then it's simple to extend the conversation with questions. "Wow, pottery class? That sounds really cool... who would I call to find out about that? The bike trail, where's that?" Keep asking questions. When a guy has a job to do, the preoccupation makes them much more confident. It writes the script for them.


THE HOOK
"Could you show me, or help me with that sometime?" Why sure, I'd love to be the helpful guy and take care of it for you! What a great excuse to get together and pretend we're fixing something or working on something. I'm useful. I'm welcome. I belong here. Also, people need excuses, any nice-sounding cover story so if things turn sour they can just stick to business and get out of there gracefully. No let downs, no embarassing refusal, just showing up and checking things out.



I dunno ... I'm no expert but if you enjoy each part of the journey, indulge your nature and smile when the spark hits ... no one can resist the beautiful joy of being alive!

Littlek
Unfortunately, I would have walked away just as you did. I'm very shy when it comes to flirting and I would really like to change that about myself. When I was younger I was far more brave than I am now. Flirting on line is easy, but in person is a whole different ball game. <sigh>

lil'k and I are in the same boat - along with Montana !! <sigh>

k k k k k k k

sigh

shaking my head

dang it girl..be goofy..goofy is okay..really....in your case some beautiful girl walks up to a guy and is goofy...ummmm HELLO its going to work or he'll not be availbable..
simple.

Goofy you arent. Cute is what it is. Combine that with the rest of the package and dangit...get out there.

Schedules...they will kill ya...go on other nights!!!

It will however in the end work when you want it to work so, no fuss, just something to think about for the next time
<watch out for those closest to you who will push and trip>

I must say, Montana, little k and Gautum, your avatars don't look like you don't know how to flirt........just nervous about it for some reason in person. I wonder why flirting makes you feel anxious.

My avatar of course says nothing about my desire to be flirtatious.

Oh I have no problems whatsoever in Flirting !! I just have a problem in making the first move......

I am a pretty shy guy <blush>

What you do ... goofy girl ... is next time you are in the supermarket, bring one of those post-it notes with you with something scrawled across it - your shopping list, whatever.

If you spy him, stick the post-it haphazardly in a place on your back, side, sleeve, someplace you can't see it but it can clearly be seen by others, as if it got caught on your clothes by accident. Stand near him so that he is facing the direction of the post-it and start searching your pockets, bag, etc., for the shopping list. It's the perfect way for him to tap you on the shoulder or peel it off and hand it to you. That will get you both laughing and you can steer the conversation into the fact that on the piece of paper you listed ingredients for an excellent cake/pasta/whatever recipe that you have been dying to try. That leads into talk about food - what he likes, what you like, an excellent restaurant for that type of food .... and so on.

Tell him you appreciate him telling you about the note on your clothing, it's not everyone who would step in and stop you from walking around looking silly, and can you buy him a coffee as a thank you! That's the burner that tells him you are interested. If he is otherwise un-single he will be polite and say it's not necessary, but if he is single and interested he will jump at the chance to move things forward.

Rae - I forgot to do the mantra thing today <dodging out of Rae's reach>

Quinn, Mcat - thanks for the boost

CodeB - thanks again for the great insight. I know these things, but forget. Right, the man needs a job to do, gotcha.... Thing about the "I know you from some where...." line - I am terrible at lying and would come off seeming cheesy. I'd rather drop a full container of spinach and shredded carrots at his feet. But, something along those lines might work. Maybe just a matter of phrasing - "I 'feel like' I know you." And give a bit of a Bootsie (my dog) head cock.

Lola <pssssst - the avatar isn't me it's my dog>

Gautam - me too. Once there is conversation, I can flirt. I'm getting pretty good at it. But, I have a hard time making the first move with a stranger in a grocery store.

Heaven - that's great, but maybe someone else would say something before he. Which would be fine. A spectacle no matter who mentions the post-it.

First off...I can't believe this thread! Men write books on learning how to approach+talk to women! And you're wondering how to approach a man...any guy, whether he's married or single, would be flattered if you initiate a conversation with him, especially if you're as beautiful as everyone says you are!

You don't need a "line," or any scripted approach, you should have just walked up and said "hi." Talked to him for 1-2 minutes, gave him your email or phone#, then walked away.

I wish that happened to me more! Only time a woman initiated a conversation with me at a grocery store was this chick who was my mom's age..."you must work out." I was a little creeped.

Codeberg, you couldn't be more wrong in your first post. Women don't want guys approaching them? Huh? Unfortunately, you have to if you want to get anywhere besides "lucky." Women want a guy who's in control of himself, and is confident. Period.

I've always been sociable+talkative, but until recently I didn't often approach females who were complete strangers. For the last couple of weekends, I've been "practicing" by just talking to as many women as possible. I've probably approached at least 40 females over the last two weekends. I keep in my head that I'm just shooting the sh!t, and not hitting on anyone, just having fun. It already feels much more natural, so I know approaching a girl I really wanna meet won't be so hard.

Too bad I wasn't there, K, I would have closed the deal for ya, wimp!

I have living proof that goofie works.

I was working as a casher in the local Walmart Electronics department. This guy walks up to me and like everyone had that week, been asking for a VHS tape of Lion King (the first one. It was on reserve only at the time) I told him the only copies I had left were for the ones whom had reserved it and I smiled to him to hopefully make him not feel so bad he couldn't have the tape. He smiled back, walked off and then the next thing I know the stock crew brought out a pallet of a display rack for Angels in the Outfield ( wasn't due to street 3 days later, so it couldn't be sold yet.) Half that display rack was Lion King.

Well this guy wanted to grab a Lion King for his nephew to send it back east to him and asked again if he could take, just one copy. I had to check with management first since the rack had to go back. He was begging me not to bother with it when I called anyway. Thinking of customers other than him. Mgr said strip it. So we did and I gave him Lion King. We had some small flag banners, display stuff around and I was getting ready to toss them away because they had broked at the end where it hooks to the shelves. This guy asked for it for his nephew and so I gave it to him.

After we rang this guy out, stripped the display of its precious load of Lion King and sent it back to receiving it was time for me to start straightening up the departmetn. This guy came back! He kept doing the shelves with me. I kept telling him to stop please, i could get in trouble for it. So he did it more inconspicuously, as if he was jsut reading the items. My associate was getting nervous. He had never seen another act like this before. Neither had I. I was nearly ready to call for security to have him removed.

We get though the entire department, with him rattling on about Herlong California, being in the military, his entire job history and the fact that he worked on air craft instrumentation, computers, music Ect... I finely turn and look at him frustrated as all hell and I practially yell, " Look, I'm single. I am in a long distance relationship with a guy who moved to vegas but it isn't going any where." he was stunned.

Hes been following me around ever since. Its been 8 years. As of today.. its been 7 years of marriage.

I'm not as beautiful as all that, they're being nice. But, I am cute.

But, slappy, what do I say in those 1 or 2 minutes! Ok. Ok. I know. I was actually close to going over and saying something. But, I had just finished a mini-construction project and another round of planting. I was a mess. Maybe the timing wasn't right. Maybe I'm a big fat idjit.

And, about code's first post. I do get a little wary of a guy who comes up and starts talking to me. But, I give it a second or 20 before I give him the brush off.

How's the ****-shooting going for ya slappy?

That's a crazy story! I don't think I could be THAT persistent.

Gen! Great story!

What do you say? "Hi." Talk about whatever comes to your mind, the food there, or you could be direct and say "you look like someone I'd like to meet." Read this carefully: it doesn't matter what you say, but how you say it. I've seen your pic, you're cute, I'm sure the guy would have been happy with the fact you approached him, even if he wasn't attracted to you. It's how guys think...we love having our egos stroked.
Girls get wary if you walk up and force something on them. I never buy girls drinks or just give some compliment, unless it's sincere. If a guy walked up to you with confidence and a smile, and asked you your opinion on something, I'm sure you wouldn't be too wary, right?
The sh!t shooting is all it is, and it's going well, I'm just having fun. I could really care less if I pick someone up or not, I've got a couple dating prospects going on now anyway. I only met one girl the other night I wanted to talk to again...have to see how the follow up goes with that. Another hottie I met, I didn't jump at the opportunity to get her email in time before her boyfriend was in the scene, dammit(and I had the perfect "close" lined up).

Exactly!

Good idea to practice. I think that, in part, is what I've been doing on afuzz and a2k for the last few years.

Glad you're having fun, slappy.