Public Fighting

Chai Tea wrote:

We walked into a restaurant, waiting to be seated, I guess I said something he didn't like. I'll never forget this exchange....

Him (whispering): Sometimes you make me so mad I could just hit you to teach you.

Me (very loud in a room full of diners): IF YOU EVER LAY A HAND ON ME, I WILL PICK UP A CHAIR (pointing) AND SMASH IT OVER YOUR F*CKING HEAD!!!

He immediatly backed off walked out, we got in the car (I was driving) I took him back to his place...said "get out" and that was it.

LOL..Chai, I bet he didnt dare to speak like that to a woman once again.

I was in a similar scenario with my husband - but look at what I did...

It's his birthday, and we go to a restaurant. We proceed towards our table. I accidentally collide with some guy - on my way (I'm pretty clumsy). The guy apologizes, I say "no, my fault"...we smile at each other. That's it.

My husband suddenly becomes jealous, says that guy walked into me on purpose etc...
and then he says "Look at him staring at you, if he dares to look at you again, i'll break his bones...b£$%^&& "..
me: "Don't talk like that..please"
husband: "why are you getting so irritated if i speak about him...want to sit with him..instead of me?"
me: "If you speak like this, i'll leave"..
husband: "Dont you dare..or else" (looks menacingly at me)
me: "bye". And I leave.

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Good for you....
I think that's a big part of it....following through on what you say.

oh, that Greek guy? No, I'm sure he just learned not to pick someone who would fight back.

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Chai Tea wrote:

Me (very loud in a room full of diners): IF YOU EVER LAY A HAND ON ME, I WILL PICK UP A CHAIR (pointing) AND SMASH IT OVER YOUR F*CKING HEAD!!!

I almost pissed when I read this...Priceless Chai! You go girl!

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Sorry I don't have a story like that, no guy I ever dated nor has my husband actually threatened to hit me. I have threatened other things though.

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Your husband is an ass.

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sakhi wrote:

My husband suddenly becomes jealous, says that guy walked into me on purpose etc...
and then he says "Look at him staring at you, if he dares to look at you again, i'll break his bones...b£$%^&& "..
me: "Don't talk like that..please"
husband: "why are you getting so irritated if i speak about him...want to sit with him..instead of me?"
me: "If you speak like this, i'll leave"..
husband: "Dont you dare..or else" (looks menacingly at me)
me: "bye". And I leave.

Again, on behalf of my gender, I'm sorry. For some reason we feel the need the be macho, thinking that will impress everyone. Then we get defensive when someone throws a wrench into those plans. I'll never understand why, but those thoughts go through all our heads. Some of us are just crass enough to let them out.

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"I'll never understand why, but those thoughts go through all our heads."

tin_sword_arthur , isn't it a little unfair to speak for your entire gender? Do you really believe all men have those violent and menacing thoughts?

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Don't be so quick to lump all us guys in together there, Sparky. Some of us are sensitive, intelligent, know how to behave in public and even smell nice.

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Nope, not all. Just those I mentioned that are crass enough to act that way. Which, to be fair, is not a small number. But not a majority either, I hope.
Sorry. Should have filled that out better to be clear. Kind of jumped the gun on that one.

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It's more about insecurity, isn't it?

A man who is secure in his relationship and in his own masculinity knows how to behave.

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Loved your story, Chai! That took a lot of guts for someone who was that young!

Sakhi, you handled that admirably. Good for you!

Kitkat, we're not implying that your husband would be physically abusive. We have, however, learned from past experiences that verbal and emotional abuse can be every bit as damaging. These stories are about women standing up to abuse. Hopefully, you can relate.

My first husband, whom I married when I was a very young and trusting 19, was an emotional abuser. I took it for several years, believing him when he said I was the cause of our problems. It took me several years of hell to finally figure out what was going on. And then I left. Life has been very good since then. I have never allowed anyone to do that to me again. And I never will.

Abuse is abuse, no matter what the form. All of it enrages me.

My husband and I sat at a table in a Moroccan restaurant years ago across from a table where an Arab man sat with his business associates and (presumably) his wife. The men ignored her presence, and she remained completely silent during the meal. It was clear this woman had been beaten severely. She was missing her front teeth, and one eye was badly swollen. She shook as she raised her fork to her lips with each bite.
As she rose to leave at the end of the meal, she did not take her eyes off the floor. Despite her floor-length robes, I could see she walked with a limp.

After they had gone, I looked at my husband and said, "That was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. That woman has obviously been beaten." My husband nodded and said, "I know. Did you see the scars on her face?" He thought for a moment, then added, "If I ever did anything like that to you, I'd never be able to sleep again for fear I wouldn't wake up. You'd kill me." And he was right. I would.

Fortunately, I've never had to worry about that. I was a far better judge of character when I married the second time, and I chose a good man. The difference has been, quite literally, like night and day.

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KK, what on earth makes you think you "made him a better man"? if he is a better man now, he must have been an even more unbelievable asshole before. besides, that is no reason for staying. neither is being high school sweethearts and going through a lot in the past. he is an asshole NOW, just as he was then. i second osso's suggestion that you go and read your posts as if your good friend wrote them and think what would you advise her. i know i'd yell: "get out as fast as you can, before you ruin any more of your life!" you are not responsible for him, and you are not a missionary to enlighten assholes. those are excuses, not justifications.

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Synonymph wrote:

It's more about insecurity, isn't it?

A man who is secure in his relationship and in his own masculinity knows how to behave.

I don't even think being secure in his relationship has anything to do with it. A man who is secure in himself conducts himself with maturity no matter what difficulties he experiences.

Same goes for women, btw.

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dagmaraka wrote:

KK, what on earth makes you think you "made him a better man"? if he is a better man now, he must have been an even more unbelievable **** before. besides, that is no reason for staying. neither is being high school sweethearts and going through a lot in the past. he is an **** NOW, just as he was then. i second osso's suggestion that you go and read your posts as if your good friend wrote them and think what would you advise her. i know i'd yell: "get out as fast as you can, before you ruin any more of your life!" you are not responsible for him, and you are not a missionary to enlighten ****. those are excuses, not justifications.

There is something to be said for honoring one's commitments. I do believe in keeping vows, and I think it is important to kitkat, too. However, based on what she has told us, kitkat's husband has not honored his commitments to her, thereby releasing her from any obligation to remain in such a miserable state. There's more than one way to break marriage vows, y'know. And this marriage is obviously broken. Moreover, I see little chance of his basic personality changing, so I wouldn't bet the rest of my life on it if I were her.

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exactly.

I couldnt say that any better myself.

My first marriage was a drama based 'absive one-ups'manship ' style relationship as well.

Did I mention it was my FIRST marriage?
It sometimes takes people some practice at getting a relationship just right. And there is no shame in trying again with someone else.

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shewolfnm wrote:

exactly.

I couldnt say that any better myself.

My first marriage was a drama based 'absive one-ups'manship ' style relationship as well.

Did I mention it was my FIRST marriage?
It sometimes takes people some practice at getting a relationship just right. And there is no shame in trying again with someone else.

Sister Shewolf!!! Cool

(high five!)

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of course, I dont know what 'absive' is.. heheh

but i do know what abUsive is..

spell check musta been bwoken

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I would never hit a woman. Never, ever, never hit a woman.

I'LL SHAKE THE **** OUT OF HER THOUGH!

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Quote:

He is going through his own inner struggles and the only person he seems to be able to take it out on is me.

I am not one of those women you see on made for tv movies about the husband who beats them to near death and they are still with them. Believe me, if he ever hit me like that I would pack my bags right there. The reason I stay is because I have made him a better man. He'd be the first to tell you that.

As in he's no longer depressed and a danger to society? He now leaves everyone else alone and takes it out on me?

As for what he'd say about you: Would he tell it or yell it?

Settle for a quarter loaf if you must, but don't bitch that your bread comes with weevils instead of raisins.

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